What would you think?

[Beautiful Fireball]

Ok, I am sorry to keep posting about his but I need some advice.

So I have been talking to a guy that I met online, on a Christian site, for five months. We decided to pursue a relationship and that God had us meet for a reason. I discover that he only lives an hour and half a way from where I grew up. During this time my family starts going through very tough stuff (divorce, illness, and kids being expelled from school). I feel God is telling me to move back home and so I decide to do so. We both talked about meeting almost immediately after I return home (having him pick me up from the airport was also discussed). Anyway, I am about to move back home in about 20 days and he tells me this weekend that he wants to hold off on meeting. He says that I need to focus on my family and other stuff, and that none of my focus should be on him and our relationship. While I agree, I think that I should have made this decision, I don't appreciate that it was made for me, but that is another topic. So I am not sure what to think. He says that he feels my families problems has changed the way he feels about me, but he still definetely has feelings for me and wants to still try and pursue our relationship further. What would you think if three weeks before I am to meet this guy (was my BF) he decides that he wants to hold off? Also, when my family is going through a hard time he leaves. I don't know what to think and I need some objective opinions, I think I covered everything

 

[charligirl]

Sounds to me like he has committment issues, relationships are easy online and on the phone, nothing is really required of you that costs.

If I was you I would be backing away from him. Let him pursue you if he is truely keen.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

If he wants you he will pursue you. If not, well he is just not really interested.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Sounds to me like he has committment issues, relationships are easy online and on the phone, nothing is really required of you that costs.

If I was you I would be backing away from him. Let him pursue you if he is truely keen.

I think he does have commitment issues. His last girlfriend he dated for over two years, he had given her a promise ring and then she cheated on him. This was over a year ago and I am the only one he has started seeing since then, so I think he is afraid of getting hurt again.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Ladies, I think you are both right about backing off. Thanks for the advice

 

[Carri20]

If he wants you he will pursue you. If not, well he is just not really interested.

Yup, it doesn't get much simpler than that.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

He says that he feels my families problems has changed the way he feels about me, but he still definetely has feelings for me and wants to still try and pursue our relationship further.

This sends up HUGE red flags! Why would your family's problems change the way he feels about YOU? You are not your family, and how he feels about youshould not be affected by something someone else is doing, they should only be effected by what YOU are doing.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

This sends up HUGE red flags! Why would your family's problems change the way he feels about YOU? You are not your family, and how he feels about youshould not be affected by something someone else is doing, they should only be effected by what YOU are doing.

He says that I talk about what is going on with my family too much and that he does not feel that he should have to share the burden at this time. I admit that I would talk about it but he has been through some of this stuff before and I usually was asking him for advice or encouragement. What I don't get is why he couldn't tell me this in the first place before deciding that we shouldn't meet.

 

[Carri20]

He says that I talk about what is going on with my family too much and that he does not feel that he should have to share the burden at this time.

If he loved you...I mean REALLY loved you, and wasn't just shallowly infatuated with you...then he wouldn't be complaining about this. Your family issues are obviously very important to you and whatever you feel is worth saying should be worth hearing as far as he's concerned. Believe me, if he can't be there for you now, when it counts, then he'll never be there for you. You deserve better than that, and I sincerely hope you find it.

 

[f U z ! o N]

If he loved you...I mean REALLY loved you, and wasn't just shallowly infatuated with you...then he wouldn't be complaining about this. Your family issues are obviously very important to you and whatever you feel is worth saying should be worth hearing as far as he's concerned. Believe me, if he can't be there for you now, when it counts, then he'll never be there for you. You deserve better than that, and I sincerely hope you find it.

not necessairly true. maybe he just wants to let her figure out her life and be close to her family right now. maybe he feels that is best. that doesn't necessairly mean he doesn't love her, sometimes things come up in people's lives where they need space to get things sorted and don't need the pressure of a relationship. You know the old saying about setting a love free and if it comes back its true love? this could be the case. maybe he feels guilty about not being able to do anything? that doesn't mean he doesn't care for her any less than he did before.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Hey guys thanks for all your advice. I still have not talked to him. I am just not sure what to say. Anyway, thanks again

 

[YouthPastor]

first, he may or may not have committment issues.

Here are a couple things I see.

You ahve not even met yet - and yes - he does have a somewhat valid point in that ringth now you really DO need to focus on your family issues - However, I would say that instead of holding off on meeting you - it would better to say. ... let's hold off on getting involved in a romantic relationship - let's just be friends for a while - I iwll be here to listen and be a friend

Let me also be frank for a minute. women can be very talkative and can aly alot on guys (don't shoot me ladies) - that is generally speaking - not always the case.

I would agree to a certain point that he is right that he should not have to "bare" all of your issues at this point - however he should bare some - I really can not speak into this part that much because I do nto know how much you "lay on him" that is a desicion you have to make. but in my experience sometimes women can "lay it on" way more than it really needs to be.

I do understand that yes you need to vent - sometimes we can vent too much? if you know what I mean - especially considering you have never met in person - and at this point even though you call him your boyfriend - I would question how much you really know each other and how "close" you really are at this point.

At this point, again, I would question if you are really "close" enough to really lay everything on him (again I do not know you - so I do not know how much you really lay it on him and how often).

I think though that my response If I was in his shoes would be to tell you.... let's still meet. But your focus really needs to be on your family right now. Let's meet - be friends ONLY - you do nto need to add to your issues - a romatic relationahip and trying to be involved romantically and also at the same time trying to get to know that person as well.

 

[YouthPastor]

right now you are trying to deal with all of your family issues.

If you move forward into a romantic relatiosnhip with this guy - you will also have all those issues to deal with as well.... In addition to just trying to get to know him.

SO at this point I can not say he has committment issues. I think at this point he may realize that the two of you probably really do not know each other and are not really that close..

So, BE ONLY FRIENDS. get to know him as a friend - nothing more. then...... in a few months - it may be time to move forward

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

first, he may or may not have committment issues.

Here are a couple things I see.

You ahve not even met yet - and yes - he does have a somewhat valid point in that ringth now you really DO need to focus on your family issues - However, I would say that instead of holding off on meeting you - it would better to say. ... let's hold off on getting involved in a romantic relationship - let's just be friends for a while - I iwll be here to listen and be a friend

Let me also be frank for a minute. women can be very talkative and can aly alot on guys (don't shoot me ladies) - that is generally speaking - not always the case.

I would agree to a certain point that he is right that he should not have to "bare" all of your issues at this point - however he should bare some - I really can not speak into this part that much because I do nto know how much you "lay on him" that is a desicion you have to make. but in my experience sometimes women can "lay it on" way more than it really needs to be.

I do understand that yes you need to vent - sometimes we can vent too much? if you know what I mean - especially considering you have never met in person - and at this point even though you call him your boyfriend - I would question how much you really know each other and how "close" you really are at this point.

At this point, again, I would question if you are really "close" enough to really lay everything on him (again I do not know you - so I do not know how much you really lay it on him and how often).

I think though that my response If I was in his shoes would be to tell you.... let's still meet. But your focus really needs to be on your family right now. Let's meet - be friends ONLY - you do nto need to add to your issues - a romatic relationahip and trying to be involved romantically and also at the same time trying to get to know that person as well.

Thanks for the advice. I realized that I had talked A LOT about my family and that was not something that I really needed to do him, and I apologized. We also realized that some of the things he said were miscommunicated and vice versa.
Despite the fact that we have never met we do know eachother pretty well (I am sure some would disagree). We have talked everyday, for at least an hour and a half for the past five months, and some days much more then that. We also know that God brought us together for a reason. One week before I connected with him I was praying that God would confirm for me that it was time for me to move back home, and exactly a week later I started talking with this guy. And I find out that he lives and hour and a half away from where I grew up. Anyway, I have given the situation a lot of prayer and God showed me that I need to focus on my family first before I get romantically involved with anybody. I just had a stupid moment (okay it was a little more then a moment) and my feelings got carried away.