That's a really great illustration, thanks for that, I will keep all that in mind. It's encouraging to know God will chase me down like that. My biggest concern I guess is giving into the 'majority' of the world on the broad road to destruction... I know the road to life is very narrow like it says in Matthew. Do you feel that you ever fully surrendered to God? Do you feel that your life now is in full surrender?
No, not fully surrendered by what I understand it means to follow Christ.
I am a poor example of a believer.
I often judge myself in how I measure up to the walk in Christ of the believers I admire.
They make it look so easy.
But I did surrender with my will, my commitment, and mainly my trust.
Actually, I just gave up.
As said before, mine is a desperate and necessary trust.
Faith doesn’t come close to expressing my trust.
Faith is something you believe.
While for me,
trust is something you do.
I have to trust because, otherwise, my life would be one of utter desolation.
Trusting God regardless provides extreme gratitude and peace.
I guess I became a blind fundamentalist in believing no matter what.
The world’s truth is not allowed to park in my mind – regardless of the facts.
Only what I believe about God is allowed to reside in my mind.
Doubting and worldly things are just too painful and scary to me.
I block such garbage from entering – from TV, reading, hearing, seeing, and thinking.
Back in January I read a conservative commentary on Genesis. I was surprised at how liberal it seemed to me. Forty years ago it would not have been an issue for me.
I recommend this next book with some apprehension. It took me five tries over four years before I could get past the first ninety pages or so. I could not continue reading because of the strong conviction I would have at how inadequate I was at being a disciple. In a large part, along with the gospels, it is this book that defined for me discipleship.
Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Quotes from this book.
“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”
“If any man would come after me, let him deny himself." The disciple must say to himself the same words Peter said of Christ when he denied him: "I know not this man." Self-denial is never just a series of isolated acts of mortification or asceticism. It is not suicide, for there is an element of self-will even in that. To deny oneself is to be aware only of Christ and no more of self, to see only him who goes before and no more the road which is too hard for us. Once more, all that self denial can say is: "He leads the way, keep close to him.”
“The earthly form of Christ is the form that died on the cross. The image of God is the image of Christ crucified. It is to this image that the life of the disciples must be conformed; in other words, they must be conformed to his death (Phil 3.10, Rom 6.4) The Christian life is a life of crucifixion (Gal 2.19) In baptism the form of Christ's death is impressed upon his own. They are dead to the flesh and to sin, they are dead to the world, and the world is dead to them (Gal 6.14). Anybody living in the strength of Christ's baptism lives in the strength of Christ's death.”
“[God says] Discipleship is not limited to what you can comprehend -
it must transcend all comprehension.
Plunge into the deep waters beyond your own comprehension, and I will help you to comprehend even as I do.
Bewilderment is the true comprehension.
Not to know where you are going is the true knowledge.
My comprehension transcends yours.”
“In the New Testament our enemies are those who harbour hostility against us, not those against whom we cherish hostility, for Jesus refuses to reckon with such a possibility. The Christian must treat his enemy as a brother, and requite his hostility with love. His (Christian) behaviour must be determined not by the way others treat him, but by the treatment he himself receives from Jesus; it has only one source, and that is the will of Jesus.”
“To be called to a life of extraordinary quality, to live up to it, and yet to be unconscious of it is indeed a narrow way. To confess and testify to the truth as it is in Jesus, and at the same time to love the enemies of that truth, his enemies and ours, and to love them with the infinite love of Jesus Christ, is indeed a narrow way. To believe the promise of Jesus that his followers shall possess the earth, and at the same time to face our enemies unarmed and defenceless, preferring to incur injustice rather than to do wrong ourselves, is indeed a narrow way. To see the weakness and wrong in others, and at the same time refrain from judging them; to deliver the gospel message without casting pearls before swine, is indeed a narrow way. The way is unutterably hard, and at every moment we are in danger of straying from it. If we regard this way as one we follow in obedience to an external command, if we are afraid of ourselves all the time, it is indeed an impossible way. But if we behold Jesus Christ going on before step by step, we shall not go astray.”
