I guess I just wonder how abnormal my BF's behavior is --
He wanted my son to come live with us of course - but, my ex husband, of course, is prohibiting this...
Fights happen -- but he had me followed by a PI and my ex husband found out that I was being followed while I was at dinner with my son....and he is using that as an example of why this is an unstable situation for a 9 year old.
Mind you ...this PI was following me -- AFTER my BF had told me if I didn't turn on my location services on my IPHONE (so he could track me)....and come back home -- that he would cut off my credit card --
Of course that left me with out money and no place to stay.
So, I asked at 11pm at night if I could sleep on my ex's couch or with my 9 year old -- he said yes.
So, my BF got that report back from the PI and went crazy and told me that he was REALLY done -- because he thought I had something going on with my ex husband.
I told him he was CRAZY -- that he forced me into that...because I had no where to go! I had no money. I couldn't even get a hotel. No credit card -- and not even gas money. And I CALLED my BF and Texted him before I went there-- begged him to help me. He did not respond to me. I even simply asked him for gas money -- no response. So, when I saw someone following me -- I called police. I was scared -- and I drove to my ex husband's house -- and told him I was very nervous.... and I got the license plate etc..
Um... None of that is even a little normal. Frankly, it sounds like he's showing you all the warning flags that he is a potential abuser.
What I don't think he gets and I highly suspect you don't get either, is that when you marry somebody with kids from another relationship and that other person is in the picture, you're essentially marrying the kids and the ex too. That needs to be accepted, and it sounds like your boyfriend doesn't get that AT ALL. Any guy that is putting you in a spot to say "it's me or your kids" needs to be shown the door. Any guy who enforces that through stalking and PIs, needs to be shown the door and the door needs locks changed.
As somebody who's a stepmother, let me just tell you... It is the most thankless, exhausting, stressful thing I've ever done. In many ways, it's harder than having your own kids. If his attitude about it is to go into psycho mode when you maintain a relationship with an ex for the sake of the kids, it's going to make your life just miserable. It won't get better, it'll get worse.
Anyway, he has since apologized and we were repairing everything and he wants to get engaged etc... ASAP. The problem now? My ex husband now knows that I had to call the police...
How does one ever repair this?
Your ex husband is right to not want your child to be involved in this. Some things can't be fixed and not everything is worth repairing. I'd say a broken relationship with a guy who goes fruit loops is one of the things not worth fixing, but the relationship with your child is.
Wanting to rush to get engaged is a red flag. It's a bandaid, or worse, it's leverage to escalate his already alarming behavior. Isolating you from your son, raging out over contact with your ex, taking away privacy, money, and a home if you disobey? That's not stable for you, much less your child.