My wife grew up in a Pentecostal, Arminian-promoting church. I would call myself Reformed Charismatic. Prior to our marriage (almost five years), I played a couple sermons to her which God used to really open her eyes about the errant theology that she had been taught. In listening to other sermons by Reformed preachers, she has continued to grow in her understanding of the Reformed faith. All of this has given her both new clarity and great confusion.
In a conversation we had tonight - specifically in relation to things spiritual - I asked her if she trusted me. She said she trusted me with her physical being, her emotions, her safety, her provision, etc. but she did not trust me in leading her spiritually. She quickly affirmed that this had nothing to do with me, but that after decades of being taught a set of beliefs by people she knows loved and cared for her, her world was rocked and she no longer knows what is true (she hasn't abandoned Christendom, she's just unsure of where the truth within it is). She's a natural follower, so she easily accepted the opinions and teachings of her former pastor (we do not currently live in the area she grew up); however, if he was wrong (with, what she believes, his studying much of the Word), then there is less certainty (though, not necessarily less probability) that I could be right in my Reformed leanings (though, I have studied Scripture a decent amount myself).
She constantly struggles with issues of acceptance (from God or others) and though she mentally knows that we are saved by grace through faith and not of works, she still has a hard time believing that God could love her apart from what she does (teachings on 1 John mentally play over and over again in her mind). She went from believing in a God who loved her to a God that hates her in her iniquity (she does not know if she's been regenerated - she still loves some of the things of the world knowing that God does not approve of them). One of her greatest fears is dying and she thinks about it quite a bit (from what she has told me).
I suggested that we go talk to our pastor about her concerns. She's unwilling to do so on a couple grounds:
Since she claimed her lack of trust in me was nothing of my accord (she said that if she married any one of our other godly male friends that she would have had the same issues/struggle with them - meaning, it would have been independent of them too), I asked her what her plan was in seeing how we could increase her trust of my spiritual leadership. She indicated that she didn't have one at this time.... Under some gentle prodding, she said that she needed to read through the Bible and ask the Holy Spirit to teach her what it meant apart from any "mortal interpretation" that someone else may have. I gently encouraged her not to forsake the Body of Christ and the wisdom God has given to them in understanding - but she retorted that she couldn't trust anyone's interpretation until she figured out what it all meant first on her own.
She would be mortified if she knew that I was discussing this with anyone we knew, so I really don't have anyone to talk to about it... which is why I'm posting on the Internet as a somewhat anonymous person.
Thoughts like, "Do I have an unregenerate wife?" and "Am I destined to be married to an unbeliever for the rest of my life?" and the accompanying thoughts of the inability to have spiritual intimacy with my wife plague me.
I guess what I'm asking for is a "what would you do if you were in my shoes?" I'm a bit discouraged and distraught over this. Thank you for your advice, encouragement, and support.
In a conversation we had tonight - specifically in relation to things spiritual - I asked her if she trusted me. She said she trusted me with her physical being, her emotions, her safety, her provision, etc. but she did not trust me in leading her spiritually. She quickly affirmed that this had nothing to do with me, but that after decades of being taught a set of beliefs by people she knows loved and cared for her, her world was rocked and she no longer knows what is true (she hasn't abandoned Christendom, she's just unsure of where the truth within it is). She's a natural follower, so she easily accepted the opinions and teachings of her former pastor (we do not currently live in the area she grew up); however, if he was wrong (with, what she believes, his studying much of the Word), then there is less certainty (though, not necessarily less probability) that I could be right in my Reformed leanings (though, I have studied Scripture a decent amount myself).
She constantly struggles with issues of acceptance (from God or others) and though she mentally knows that we are saved by grace through faith and not of works, she still has a hard time believing that God could love her apart from what she does (teachings on 1 John mentally play over and over again in her mind). She went from believing in a God who loved her to a God that hates her in her iniquity (she does not know if she's been regenerated - she still loves some of the things of the world knowing that God does not approve of them). One of her greatest fears is dying and she thinks about it quite a bit (from what she has told me).
I suggested that we go talk to our pastor about her concerns. She's unwilling to do so on a couple grounds:
- We are new to the church and she doesn't want our first real interaction with the pastor to be such a one that defines our future with him in this way as he interacts with us down the road ("Oh, they're the couple that came with <x> issue....").
- She doesn't "want to lose that much self-respect."
Since she claimed her lack of trust in me was nothing of my accord (she said that if she married any one of our other godly male friends that she would have had the same issues/struggle with them - meaning, it would have been independent of them too), I asked her what her plan was in seeing how we could increase her trust of my spiritual leadership. She indicated that she didn't have one at this time.... Under some gentle prodding, she said that she needed to read through the Bible and ask the Holy Spirit to teach her what it meant apart from any "mortal interpretation" that someone else may have. I gently encouraged her not to forsake the Body of Christ and the wisdom God has given to them in understanding - but she retorted that she couldn't trust anyone's interpretation until she figured out what it all meant first on her own.
She would be mortified if she knew that I was discussing this with anyone we knew, so I really don't have anyone to talk to about it... which is why I'm posting on the Internet as a somewhat anonymous person.
Thoughts like, "Do I have an unregenerate wife?" and "Am I destined to be married to an unbeliever for the rest of my life?" and the accompanying thoughts of the inability to have spiritual intimacy with my wife plague me.
I guess what I'm asking for is a "what would you do if you were in my shoes?" I'm a bit discouraged and distraught over this. Thank you for your advice, encouragement, and support.
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