What Would You Do?

[marezee]

thanks ladies!
Our house is situated funny on our lot. the only yard we have to play in is on the side of the house. the side that faces this man's house. There is no where else to play around our house. The driveway is also on that side of the house.
The community is in the process of building a park about a mile down the road.
I suppose they would be "at risk" whereever they are.
However, I cannot see keeping them locked up in our house all summer long. Of course, we will do other things on vacation and such, but for the most part, we will be at home.
I will just have to be diligent and "over-protective."
Thanks again for your prayers...they are much appreciated and needed until this man is gone!

 

[marezee]

well, here's an update.
The woman (I will call her Ms. M) who took this man into her home, is currently fighting for custody for her children with her x-DH.
Ms. M is a childhood friend of my DH, and she came over yesterday to "explain."
Ms. M told us that the allegations against this man are false. She said that the woman he was dating at the time's 11 year old girl accused him of offering her $20 for a BJ. He lived in TX at the time and so he was arrested for solicitation of sex to a minor, a felony in TX.
Ms. M also went on to say that this did not happen, but that he was arrested anyway and now has this title following him around.
The ex DH is in touch with my neighbor, whom Ms. M's daughter plays with frequently.
Ms. M's ex gave papers to my neighbor regarding the "allegations" against this man.
They state that this man had sexual contact (not solicitation) with 2 female minors. The first time, he was given 10 years pf probation, the second time he was arrested for breaking his parole (because of sexual contact with a minor) and sentenced to 8yrs in prison.
I will finish in the next post...

 

[marezee]

continued from last post...

and that is not all!!!
The first girl he ever molested, lives here in our town. She was 7yrs old when he molested her. She is now 17yrs old.
When the flyers went out that this man was living here, she got one.
She tried to hang herself with a rope!!!!!
Thank God her father found her and she is now in a mental hospital.

If this man was innocent, I do not think this girl....ten years later....would try to kill herself!!!!

I cannot believe that Ms. M, being a childhood friend of my DH's, would flat out LIE to us!!!
And it is beyond my comprehension that she would continue to have this person in her life when she herself has a 7yr old daughter!!!!!!

 

[MyaShane]

Wow Marzee! And that poor girl! I really don't know what to say, but I'll keep praying for you and your family! What a tough situation!

 

[marezee]

thanks MyaShane!

 

[MikeMcKinney]

A couple of years ago, we had a known child molester move into our neighborhood.

Some of the guys on my street saw the sign in his yard and looked him up on the state police sex offender website.

We printed it out and distributed it to every home in our neighborhood.

 

[faithmom]

Mare you were right to tell your kids...no differently than if you told them to not play with a dog that has been known to bite next door. I would also do the same if I knew a new neighbor was known for driving drunk (stay out of their driveway dear ones) or was known for theft (don't leave your valuables around the yard) or was known for violent bouts of fighting (the person next door has a problem with anger. You could be in danger if you talk to them. Come inside if you see them).

I would also tell boys that they are to let you know immediately if he attempts to talk to them. Furthermore, I would recognize the woman as being in denial, and lay out the boundaries with her and the guy that neither of them are to try to talk to your children. Really, why should they be offended? It isn't like your kids are personal friends of them.

Finally, find out if there are any court orders regarding what distance he can be from children. Eg. Schools, etc. Any violations to his court order should be reported to his parole officer, AND furthermore, if he does try to to talk to your kids while they are standing on your property....it may not be a violation, but his parole officer should know about it.

LAST....document everything you see that seems in the least suspicious. Even if he never causes any problems for you or the boys, the tiniest detail can help if he hurts someone else. Seriously, keep a journal. If you do run into any red flags, documentation will help you organize anything you may need to say to social services, officers, courts, etc.

Like I said, the woman who lives there is in complete denial, which is not unheard of in relationships of sexual offenders. They purposefully seek people who are desparate for love and deny the reality, so they can stage an appearance of normalicy.

Prayers and hugs Mare.

 

[Leanna]

Since there's more than one offense and girl involved, its more and more doubtful he's innocent. However you have learned one important thing.... his issue appears to be with young females, and you only have boys. That helps.

 

[faithmom]

I was going to add. Don't harrass, but be clear with them about the boundaries.

Make him feel like you are the last MAMMA BEAR he wan'ts to bring out of the cave to defend her cubs!

 

[marezee]

Thanks faith and leanna.

I like the journal idea. and we are also looking into installing cameras on that side of the house where the boys play frequently.

I do not feel better that he "likes" little girls. If he cannot get his hands on a little girl, Lord knows little boys can look like little girls to any sex offender!

Ms. M, my dh's childhood friend was said to have MPD (multiple personality disorder). I don't know if this is true because I have not seen any signs of this. ( I have a friend w/MPD). Anyway, I found out yesterday, that my DH dated this man's sister when he was a teen!!!
His sister was molested by her father!!!!! SO it's possible that this man was also molested as a young child and is only perpetuating this sickness!!

I will continue to do anything I can to keep my boys safe. pray pray pray!!

 

[heart of peace]

Praying for you! That is a scary situation.

I suppose knowing the face of your enemy doesn't make it any easier. Many many sexual offenders have not been "caught" yet. This is something that worries me as a mother.

When I taught we were instructed in how to watch out and protect children from sexual predators. I am going to rummage through my things and see if there is anything there that can be of use to you.

You should consider creating a neighborhood watch (if you don't have one already). That way, someone is always keeping an eye out for the children playing in the neighborhood. It really does take a village to raise a child.

 

[marezee]

Praying for you! That is a scary situation.

I suppose knowing the face of your enemy doesn't make it any easier. Many many sexual offenders have not been "caught" yet. This is something that worries me as a mother.

When I taught we were instructed in how to watch out and protect children from sexual predators. I am going to rummage through my things and see if there is anything there that can be of use to you.

You should consider creating a neighborhood watch (if you don't have one already). That way, someone is always keeping an eye out for the children playing in the neighborhood. It really does take a village to raise a child.

thank you so very much!

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

Many many sexual offenders have not been "caught" yet. This is something that worries me as a mother.

me too.

 

[heart of peace]

I PM'd you, marezee.

I did want to include some of the information in here as well for any other parents who are reading this thread. The main points in prevention and protection is "Talk, Listen & Observe". Additionally:

- awareness: this includes talking about sexuality and related issues as easily and as often as you teach them to "not play with matches". It is important to not feel "queasy" about sexuality with your children.
- Really listen to your child, let him/her know that you are approachable and can listen in a non-judgmental and patient manner.
- Explain that their genitals are private areas and so are the genitals of others and they should not show anyone theirs or allow anyone to show them theirs.
- Let them know that they should never be afraid to tell you anything.
- Locate the secluded areas of the building or area you are in and walk around to these areas with your child and explain that these spots are OFF LIMITS.
- Control access to your children, meaning written stadardized applications of those who are going to be alone regularly with your kids. Conduct background checks and call referrals.

A great book to read that includes this information as well as other safety related issues with children is Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift. It is a great resource that I highly recommend to every parent.

 

[KatacrossthePond]

I know I'm not a parent, but I have a couple of thoughts. No great advice, as there has already been oodles of great advice here.

I'd want to add, pray for the man - he needs Jesus in his life so so much.

On a practical sidenote, however, when we did child protection and abuse awareness as part of seminary training, it was stressed how child sex offenders are the worst to rehabilitate, as the 'urge' is really something that, to some extent, they have no control over. It's a compulsion (much like other sex offenders). So, not wanting to alarm you, but chances are he's going to offend again. Unless he sees the problem he has clearly - there are drugs that these people can take that stop the sex drive etc, but they have to consent to them.

I'm not sure how helpful this is - I'm very sorry if I alarmed you more than you already are, but I figure you need to be informed.

I'll be praying for your situation. It's so hard to walk the narrow path between protecting our loved ones and not getting involved in 'witch hunts'. However hard it is to understand, remember that Jesus loves him too...(sorry about the platitude).

Hugs!

 

[heart of peace]

I will be honest, I struggle being able to pray for and love sexual pedophiles. I feel so disgusted by their actions that it takes a lot of effort to not feel hate to them. However, Kat offers some valid points to consider and maybe through praying for this person, you will be able to find a sense of peace, marezee.

 

[K9_Trainer]

idk what to tell you, I'm really sorry though, that's aweful

We have sexual predators in our area too, as well as gang members.

I have always had a German Shepherd though. I know you said you don't want a dog and I don't want to seem like I'm pushing the issue.....But my dog has been amazing. She's warded off men who had bad intentions, and she even put herself between me and a car. Luckily the driver saw us and stopped about 2 feet away from us.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I live in a major city, literally two blocks from the one transit stop where most crimes occur.

Pray a lot. Protect your kids the best you can. Talk to them openly about the guy there and frankly tell them to run if he comes near. You can consider his feelings later, or not at all. He chose to do what he did, and now he gets to live with that shame...if he even has any.

 

[KatacrossthePond]

I will be honest, I struggle being able to pray for and love sexual pedophiles. I feel so disgusted by their actions that it takes a lot of effort to not feel hate to them. However, Kat offers some valid points to consider and maybe through praying for this person, you will be able to find a sense of peace, marezee.

I totally understand that and I don't know whether i could if I was in the same position. I just thought someone had to say it somehow. After all, however hard to understand, Jesus does love him. That doesn't mean we have to make friends with people like that, but it'd be great if we can find it in our hearts to pray that God shows them the enormity of their sin and twistedness - only that will help them change. And if our prayers help that a little, that's a small price to pay.

Rather than praying "God bless this man" which is hard in our minds to grasp, we could pray "God, draw near to him. Show him his sin. Show him your forgiveness, so he can change, and our kids are safe"

Hope that makes sense. Again, I'm not a mother, and not in that situation, so all this is offered very humbly indeed.

 

[marezee]

I PM'd you, marezee.

Thanks for your PM MsDahl...great info!

I'd want to add, pray for the man - he needs Jesus in his life so so much.
Hugs!

yes..I have prayed for this man, and put him on a prayer list at my church...believe it or not! I do want this man to draw closer to the Lord, but I have my doubts. Sometimes there is just evil in the world! And I am not a part of any "witch hunt." It is public knowledge that this man is a sex offender. I am not out to hang him or burn him. LOL!! Just needed to vent and ask advice.
I know there are sex offenders everywhere and we need to talk to and protect our children from them, but I just didn't think I would have to do it yet.

I will be honest, I struggle being able to pray for and love sexual pedophiles. I feel so disgusted by their actions that it takes a lot of effort to not feel hate to them. However, Kat offers some valid points to consider and maybe through praying for this person, you will be able to find a sense of peace, marezee.

yes she does! and I am praying for this man.

idk what to tell you, I'm really sorry though, that's aweful

We have sexual predators in our area too, as well as gang members.

I have always had a German Shepherd though. I know you said you don't want a dog and I don't want to seem like I'm pushing the issue.....But my dog has been amazing. She's warded off men who had bad intentions, and she even put herself between me and a car. Luckily the driver saw us and stopped about 2 feet away from us.

cool! however, a dog is not an option for us right now.

I live in a major city, literally two blocks from the one transit stop where most crimes occur.

Pray a lot. Protect your kids the best you can. Talk to them openly about the guy there and frankly tell them to run if he comes near. You can consider his feelings later, or not at all. He chose to do what he did, and now he gets to live with that shame...if he even has any.

I don't think he has any shame. As it was said b4, he is more than likely to do it again.

Thank you all for your concerns, advice and prayers!!