What would you do if your child acted like the other gender?

[Maren]

I saw this article today, that a man killed a 17-month old boy because, "I was trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl." While I think we can all agree that this man was misguided or worse, it made me wonder what people here would do if they had a male toddler or child that acted female (or even insisted they were female)?

I would also be interested in hearing the reverse. From what I've seen it is largely acceptable for a young girl to act like a boy (at least until they are in their teens). Would you do the same things to a girl as you would the boy? If not, why not?

If you wish to comment on the news article, please comment on the thread in NC&E (which you can find here).

 

[serephim01]

Oh that's so sad... I know the misery of feeling like you aren't right. So just saying that's wrong makes it so much more worse. Feeling trapped in your body and in your house made me very suicidal. Some days I just want to end it, alotta days actually. So in short I would let them dress how they feel and get them into therapy to see if it was truly gender dysphoria. Then take the proper steps to help my child from there.

 

[sbvera13]

Gender Dysphoria is a recognized psychological disorder- if I had a child as described above, I would take them to a professional that specializes in that disorder. Now, 17 months is far too early to make that kind of determination. We're talking about something that can't be reliably diagnosed until puberty. The man in the OP is clearly off his rocker.

I would do the same thing for a girl, but I am rare in that I'm knowledgeable about the disorder, so most people probably would not even think of it. It's true that it's more acceptable for a girl to act masculine; in fact, sometimes it's encouraged.

 

[serephim01]

Not really, because it's not a sexual thing. So no need to wait til puberty. If they feel they are the wrong gender that could take place at anytime in their life. Sure maybe 17 months is a bit young to get a therapists but some transgender have these feelings before 5. I had mine rather early on but repressed it for so many years. Just sayin.

 

[SithDoughnut]

It's a non-issue as far as I'm concerned. Gender is more of a scale than a binary thing.

 

[sbvera13]

...

True, but actual medical treatment can't begin until puberty, and a childs feelings may change- you need to give the process a certain amount of time to make sure you make the right decision, especially given the lifelong consequences. I see puberty as a breaking point for making a final decision, but I would certainly encourage anyone affected to seek the proper counseling at any time they feel a need for it.

 

[serephim01]

True, but actual medical treatment can't begin until puberty, and a childs feelings may change- you need to give the process a certain amount of time to make sure you make the right decision, especially given the lifelong consequences. I see puberty as a breaking point for making a final decision, but I would certainly encourage anyone affected to seek the proper counseling at any time they feel a need for it.

Maybe, I'm not yet on HRT myself but I sincerely wish I could have started at 13 or so. So many regrets and even now its making me wish I had a gun to end it. meh.

I can't say that you can't start on it before that, but for MTF they say that's what the t-blockers are there for to prevent puberty to from kicking forth. Puberty is a psychological hell for most of us. Seeing yourself grow further into a body you hate and not being able to stop it. Ugh. God I hate my body so much.

 

[Glass*Soul]

What would constitute gender dysphoric behavior in a 17 month old? I'm at a loss. I can't imagine any behavior a 17 month old is capable of engaging in that could be interpreted as such.

 

[lawtonfogle]

I saw this article today, that a man killed a 17-month old boy because, "I was trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl." While I think we can all agree that this man was misguided or worse, it made me wonder what people here would do if they had a male toddler or child that acted female (or even insisted they were female)?

I would also be interested in hearing the reverse. From what I've seen it is largely acceptable for a young girl to act like a boy (at least until they are in their teens). Would you do the same things to a girl as you would the boy? If not, why not?

If you wish to comment on the news article, please comment on the thread in NC&E (which you can find here).

I would most likely just not use gender classification. If they liked to play with dolls, then I would just say they liked to play with dolls. I would not enforce that there is a special way you have to play if you are male or if your female. I would teach him/her how to defend his/her ground when someone else tried to force them to adapt to some gender role, but even that wouldn't be a 'it is ok for a boy to act like a girl' argument. It would be more of a 'it is ok to play with what you think is fun, even if others tell you it shouldn't be fun for you' argument.

 

[serephim01]

I would most likely just not use gender classification. If they liked to play with dolls, then I would just say they liked to play with dolls. I would not enforce that there is a special way you have to play if you are male or if your female. I would teach him/her how to defend his/her ground when someone else tried to force them to adapt to some gender role, but even that wouldn't be a 'it is ok for a boy to act like a girl' argument. It would be more of a 'it is ok to play with what you think is fun, even if others tell you it shouldn't be fun for you' argument.

I officially apologize for all my douchiness in other threads. Sorry. That said I need to clean up some of the mess from my er we'll just call it emo fit. Ow.

 

[keith99]

What would constitute gender dysphoric behavior in a 17 month old? I'm at a loss. I can't imagine any behavior a 17 month old is capable of engaging in that could be interpreted as such.

If you add 'by a rational person' I agree. By individuals like the one that killed the 17 month old baby being a bit prone to cry (or perfectly normal and crying more than the fool expected) would likely be cionsidered acting female. Add to that the reaction to that is very likely abuse that would cause a baby hulk to cry and you soon end with a dead child.

 

[theblackcat]

For one thing, how can they do that? I don't recognise many gender divisions among children. The defining of toys as trucks and guns for boys and dolls and kitchenware for girls seems utterly ridiculous to me. As a child, I had a variety of toys and wasn't expected to favour one set over another. Mannerisms, too. Active or passive, shy or outgoing, exuberant or withdrawn, helpful or selfish, nurturing or stoic - these are traits that can belong to anyone, male or female. If a child is violating the social norms prescribed to their gender, I don't see a problem with that. There shouldn't be an enforced binary, since it limits everyone involved. A lot of the time, I'm not sure children actually desire to be a different gender. I think they are just too restricted by what adults expect from them based on that gender. If I had a child who was honestly conflicted about their gender or felt very strongly they weren't in the right body, I would accommodate them as much as possible, but avoid permanent changes like medical procedures/drugs until they were of age to make those decisions for themselves. Getting psychological guidance would also be a priority to help determine what's causing the situation and what can be done to lessen the child's anxiety.

 

[suzybeezy]

If my child was 17 months old and acting like the other gender, I wouldn't sweat it at that point. Playing with dolls is often equated as a girl thing, yet my oldest son loved to play with his dollie when he was a toddler. I didn't freak out about it but just let him go. It wasn't long til he naturally migrated to more typical boy things and has grown up to be perfectly well adjusted man.

 

[mpok1519]

...I'm still baffled by the hypothetical idea that a woman would even procreate with me in the first place lol So I first have to deal with that hypothetical situaion hypothetically first.

 

[keith99]

I'd be totally thrilled if my boy child started doing 'female' things like needlepoint! But perhaps it is my limited knopwledge speaking, I only know of one guy who did needlepoint. (Rosie Grier)

I would expect any son of mine to be able to cook. I'd expect any daughter of mine to be able to change a tire. However if any son of mine liked cleaning house I'd suspect infidelity on my wife's part.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I would expect any son of mine to be able to cook. I'd expect any daughter of mine to be able to change a tire. However if any son of mine liked cleaning house I'd suspect infidelity on my wife's part.

Cleaning house, it's genetic!


In seriousness, I would not sweat it at all in someone as young as that. If the child was, say, ten, and liked dolls, sure...maybe he has a problem. Get him help. And I don't mean like "boys only play with cars and trucks, girls play with dolls. Be a good boy and play with trucks and stuff. blah blah blah".
I mean, actual competent, helpful therapy. To help him come to terms if there actually is a problem. And if he doesn't actually have one? If he just likes dolls instead of cars, but no "gender disorder" to speak of otherwise? Hey! Let him play with dolls. It won't hurt him, really, it won't.

 

[Skaloop]

I wouldn't care one lick. In fact, when my wife and I do get around to having children, we don't want to know which sex it is prior to birth. If we do find out, we are not telling anyone. If they want to get a present for the baby, they can do it. Traditionally boy or girl, we don't care. Gender-neutral would be best. We will likely have a healthy supply of both "boy" and "girl" toys for any children we have anyway. And whichever one they lean towards or seem to like best, that's up to them.

 

[Skaloop]

If my child was 17 months old and acting like the other gender, I wouldn't sweat it at that point. Playing with dolls is often equated as a girl thing, yet my oldest son loved to play with his dollie when he was a toddler. I didn't freak out about it but just let him go. It wasn't long til he naturally migrated to more typical boy things and has grown up to be perfectly well adjusted man.

What your child was older? Say 5? Or 8? Or 12? Or 15? If your son at that age had chosen more "girlie" things, how would you have felt about it? Would you have done anything about it?

 

[Bushido216]

I may or may not have won the 8th grade Home Ec award for my sewing.

Maybe.

 

[Bushido216]

In all seriousness, if my child was ambiguously gendered I'd love them, support them, do my best to prepare them for the inevitable suckiness of their life and get ready to be a repeat offender as I beat the ever-living snot out of anyone who harassed my child.