HouseApe said:
I find it admirable that you have at least looked into the issue. And I agree with you on most points. But I do not have complete trust in Christianity either.
I have been on my knees and prayed for God to show me that he exists many, many times in my life. I have tried to believe with what I felt was "all my heart". Either I have never received a response, or God has always been a part of my life and I can't tell the difference.
I believe that if you did that with sincere seeking for the truth in your heart and you were willing to give up yourself for what He wills for you , that its not over yet for you . Before I was commited to Christ I went through the same thing . I would almost beg Him to show himself to me and even when i was an early believer , I struggled with many things in the bible untill i kept searching for answers and then would instead find that my faith was even more founded than it was before and found that in my very stuggles when i felt he wasnt there and didnt hear , He was always there . God knows what the very best moments in our life are to reveal himself to us in ways we can understand and know it was Him . Often when we are at our very lowest , He is what is carrying us and we dont even realize it .
Does this mean we will never suffer doubt? No , even the believer sometimes has periods of reflection and worry and doubt , but when we give them to Him , He shows us that everything happens for a reason .
Let me give you an example from my own personal life .
When my husband and myself were engaged and were getting things ready to be married - we were trying to buy a home to move into after we were married and had carefully prayed during the process that He would lead us to what He wanted us to bid on and if it was His will , He would let us know . We believed He spoke to us both about a certain home so we proceeded to go through the bidding process and sure enough we got it even though it was a very nice property with many bids to consider. We proceeded to set everything up so closing would be 2 weeks before we were to be married and leave for our honeymoon .
Everything seemed to be going perfectly and we were even delighted to find out that the people were buying the home from were also christians which again confirmed to us that God had indeed spoken to us to bid on this home and that everything would be alright . Needless to say 3 days before the house was to close , there was a problem with the apraisal . We were in a position that the only thing we could do was to trust God and we continued to pray about it but were starting to wonder like humans often do , if we had heard what we felt we heard and were starting to doubt even though we knew we had been spoken to . So we told God that we would just trust Him even if it meant problems that we would leave it in His hands and if there was any problem He knew about that we didnt know , we would accept getting the home or not getting it and be thankful for his involvement either way , because of our doubt , we also asked God for forgiveness for our doubts , speaking again that we were sure we heard that He wanted us to continue to go through this .
As a result since we decided to continue the process and appeal the apraisal the people (who were also christian) went ahead and moved out of the home in anticipation of us buying the home so it would be ready when it was over .We were married and on our honeymoon while we waited to hear back about the apraisal and were called the last day with the knowledge that it came back , but still was not where it needed to be , so we made an offer for the apraisal amount because the bank wouldnt back higher than the worth of the home . The seller now decided they wanted more and wanted to take the apraisal company to court because they didnt believe it was a fair one .
Anyway , so we were devestated , nowhere to move to back from our honeymoon , and they were also living in temporary conditions waiting on the sale of the home . Both of us couples christian and both believing that we had heard from God about the whole thing , yet it appeared everything had fallen apart . We thanked God anyway and asked Him to help us find another place quickly to move into . Our search took one day after being back from our honeymoon to have a place to live but we had to rent a home. But you can imagine how devestated we felt and that we were both wondering if we had really heard from God and were deeply saddened that everything turned out this way and conituning to thank God for his wisdom even though we didnt know why it happened when everything seemed so right before .
Needless to say 2 weeks after we moved into the home we rented , we got a call from the real estate agent who represented us in trying to buy that other home and were told that the day before the home flooded with 12 inches of water . The entire home flooded even though it wasnt in a flood zone because of a freak storm that dumped 13 inches of water in the area and the creek that was 100 feet from their home swelled so badly from a lake it connected to several miles away jumped it banks and flooded all the homes in the neighborhood even the pools were messed up from the flood so it was massive damage to the area homes.
We would not have had flood insurance on this home because it wasnt required because of its zoning , we had elected not to get it . We would have lost everything right after marrying and moving in . They had flood insurance even though it was not nessesary because of the area . Because of our contract on the home and us hearing from God to continue when it seemed impossible , they had moved out of the home so it was empty when it happened . they lost nothing of their personal belongings , and were able to file a claim to get the home itself repaired. Gods will was heard and done even though we didnt understand it at the time .
We were saved and they were saved because of what we both on both sides heard from God . If we had not bid and pressed on , they would have lost everything too. So we have to be thankful for whatever happens when we follow Gods will for us even when we dont understand it , because we cant see the reasons for everything that is happening and most things are affecting more lives than just our own . So now whenever I have doubts nagging at me , i press on and just trust God all the more that He knows and can see what I cannot .
Your life isnt finished yet . If you have honestly and sincerely wanted to know Him and were willing to give up your will for His , i believe that you will know Him one day very personally .God bless you.