What would change?

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

There is a nice young lady at my church, same age as I. My mom feels that she has been trying to get my attention and lately has been making a few comments oriented in that direction. One of them was, "I think she has been trying to get your attention, you should talk to her. I told you she told me to tell you she said hello the other day remember?" I do talk to her. I told her (my mom) a few months back that I didn't want to be bothered with the hassles of relationships nor would I play the silly games involved. Apparently, from an aftertalk on the matter, she assumed that this meant I would not even talk to females. (That sounds pretty absurd.) That isn't what I meant at all, she has trouble understanding me when we talk on these things, and I have trouble understanding her as well. Anyhow, I asked myself "What if she likes me and I like her back? What would change?" The question is really asking what would I "do about it" if that makes any kind of intelligent sense. What if I asked her out? Then what? I truly don't understand what it means to "have a boyfriend or a girlfriend." I ask her out and then she says yes....then what? What would change? Perhaps I would talk to her more, perhaps hang out with her more. So basically, for me to do that I have to tell her I like her and ask her to be my boyfriend? That is a bit crazy in my mind. Well the original question has been utterly destroyed by the randomness I just typed so if you still remember what it was, any rays of light?

 

[Living4Him03]

When your Mom asks you about relationship stuff, just make it clear why you don't want or need a relationship right now. Tell her you are waiting on God's timing and that you do want to build friendships with girls and do talk to girls and have friends that are girls. Then, wait on God. You have plenty of time to date. If you end up finding out a girl likes you who you like too, you don't have to do anything about it. Pray and ask God what He would have you do and let Him use the Holy Spirit to speak to you through His Word. If you both like each other, then let her know up front what your intentions are as far as dating goes. If you don't think you're ready for a relationship, make that clear to her, but also make it clear that you are interested in getting to know her further. You can hang out in a group setting, talk at school, talk at church, etc. But just because you like someone and they like you, doesn't mean you have to get into a relationship. I hope this helps! You seem to be on the right track and have the right thinking

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

Thanks for you input. The real question though is what would change? The if I like her and she likes me deal is a hypothetical situation in which I ask her out and she says yes.
Then what? What changes?

 

[desi]

I ask her out and she says yes.
Then what? What changes?

You would go from being friends to being prospective mates. Who do you think will happen. Just go for it and follow God's lead.

 

[stray bullet]

What changes?

Depends on what you let change.

 

[Koop]

If you don't have intrest and don't wanna deal with the relationship hasstles why would you ask her out? Just to be nice? I don't think that's a very good reason, not to mention it's not very nice to lead people on. If you want to get to know her great, but if you don't have intrest DON"T ask her out. As for what you do if you find she likes you and you don't reciprocate, my answer is real easy..... don't do anything wouldn't normaly do. Just be the same old guy you always have been. They haven't changed and niether have you. You just know something about them you didn't know before.

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

I am being thorougly misunderstood, probably due to that randomness above.

Whether I like her or not is not relevant to the question. This could be any girl.
By starting a relationship in this respect, what would change?
What things about friendship change to compensate for the "higher level relationship."

 

[holo]

One thing that would certainly change is that you would suddenly have the option of dumping her or being dumped by her. It would become so much more complex than a friendship, so you would have to consider the pros vs. the cons.

 

[Buskanaka]

well everyone else will think of you two as a couple, together, one, etc

 

[Stanfi]

Start talking to the girl. Don't necessarily think of her as a "girl", but as a person. Be her friend, be honest with her. Talk to her about things that you like, and she'll talk to you about things she likes. Talk to her at church at first. If you hit off of them ask her is she would like to go to a movie or something.

Don't push romance or courting or dating. Just be her friend. If things are going to go to a "higher level" as you put it, you will know it in due time. That's not something that you should be worried about right now.

When people see you around this girl. They will say things "Like he has a girlfriend". They are not making fun of you, most are happy that you do. In fact most of them had a boyfriend or girlfiend at one time in their life also.

Don't know if I answered you question or not.

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

You are closer to the real topic but diverted from it.
I would know it how? In the past I thought I have known
before as well, apparently not. Whether people think I
have a girlfriend or not wouldn't matter.

Say "higher level" is recognized. Then what? Also considering
that I am getting a go ahead from God, Her, and myself.
Now the question, What Would Change?

Perhaps I should give thought to restructuring the question or
the approach to the question.

What makes the difference between friendship and "relationship."

 

[Living4Him03]

well a friendship, is simply that. The romantic element isn't there. Alot of people on here say "oh i'm gonna marry my best friend" which is great, BUT they will hopefully be more than that! A relationship certainly includes friendship, but the romantic aspect is there, as well as the overall purpose. Friendships are a bit different. With dating or courting, you are looking to find out if that person is suitable for marriage and to find out if that's what God wants for the two of you. In a friendship, that aspect is missing. I hope that made sense and answers your question more clearly.

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

Indeed. Now to be more indepth, what does all of that involve? Including the romantic aspect. What exactly is the romantic aspect?

 

[Nico]

well, attraction, for one thing adds to a friendship, helping it to be defined as romantic v. plain old friendship.
intimacy tends to follow after attraction, of course the level to which that is achieved depends on the couple
I think also what helps to define the difference btwn. succesful romantic love and friendship love is reciprocated feelings of wanting to spend the rest of your life w/that other, feeling inspired by that person, trust, respect, support, the desire to create a world together...I don't know this is what I've felt before that made romantic love feel different and be different that the love I had for my friends.

 

[mamaneenie]

You would go from being friends to being prospective mates. Who do you think will happen. Just go for it and follow God's lead.

Yes, friendship is a good base for marriage. I have often said, I married my best friend.

 

[Living4Him03]

It's alot about giving and taking the time to get to know each other. It's about going on dates. Romance involves knowing someone feels the same way you feel about them and is attracted to you as much as you are to them and it's about expressing how you feel in a way that's creative and interesting. I should know how to answer your questions! My boyfriend asks very similar questions, he really likes things to be defined. Anyway, hope this helps even just a bit in answering your questions

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

Yes, now the responses are more to the point.
Maybe its just me, don't beat me because I assume,
but I have strong attraction to many of my friends who
I don't see in a romantic light, I just think some of my
female friends are beautiful. The only distinction I can
make in all honesty are those that I seem to think about
in a romantic light. What causes that? Whether or not
I think of the person like that, why I would or wouldn't is
a case by case thing.

Explain the point of any kind of intimacy before marriage.

Also, perhaps I'm just a stupid shy guy, but girls that attract
me often intimidate me in person, it takes a long time for
that to "go away" for a particular person and even then
there are still those moments. Whats up with that?

Yeah I'm not expecting any of you to explain my brain to me
because if any of you could then I should be able to as well.

 

[Katty]

Nothing HAS to change... although you admitting your mutual feelings changes everything hehehe. But seriously, nothing really has to change. You choose what you want to happen. Don't place it upon yourself to "date" her if you don't want to or aren't ready to. If and when you hang out, do just that... hang out. If you both like eachother, thats cool. Hang out and get to know one another and things will fall into place from there. I've found that guy and girl "relations" get complicated when you try to do things "orderly" and try to figure things out as to do things "by the book." Become really good friends if you guys hit it off Nothing better than just hanging out with a really good friend. Be you... you're the only pro at that



~Katty~

 

[Nico]

I think some of my girlfriends are beautiful as well I often say if I was a guy I'd want to be their boyfriend in a second. I also find many of my guyfriends beautiful as well. I think thats a good sign b/c it means also that you find a person's soul beautiful in conjunction with the outer physical shell. So that is good.

Oh, and my ex-boyfriend used still get all shy and nervous around me (when we were together oh so long ago), even after we had been dating for a year. There were just moments that he would get nervous and fidgety, and I don't necessarily think that that's a bad thing. It means you feel vulnerable, which in a romantic relationship should happen.

I think in the beginning stages of a potential romantic relationship, there is not much of a difference between friendship love and romantic love. Because you're still trying to get to know the girl. Obviously she differs from just ANY girl, in that you're attracted to her and you think there may be some common ground, but who's to say that's much different from your friends who you say you find attractive as well. Those girls who are great girls and pretty as well. Well the difference is time invested. And as you start to get to know this girl you decide to put more effort into getting to know her, and it could be just any girl, but there are probably a lot of girls out there that are potential mates. It is whether or not you decide to invest the time to get to know her and invest the time to make it something that holds more value than friendship. For some, that role could truly possibly be filled by many, for others, it seems to be screemed from the mountains that this is the one. But true love does end up being an investment, at least I think it does.....

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

Much Thanks for the Replies.