What will/would you teach your kids...

[ssms27]

Or, of course, you coudl convince them to wait until marriage...and they'll marry at 18 and divorce at 21 when they realise they were stupid to marry so young.

Is this a scare tactic? Hey people get married and divorced in their 30's and so on. Thats because people say words like, to death due us part, in sickness and health but don't honor their word. That goes for Christians as well as Non-Christians. Its easier to leave someone than to work through marital issues. (I'm not talking about major issues like abuse, adultery, ect)

Steve

 

[ssms27]

Yes, it would certainly suck.

That made me laugh.

Bellman,

Not sure if I like you analogy using the car, I will need to think about it, but your point is well taken. As a Christian I guess I need to raise me kids (not that I have any now) according to my own moral beliefs. But just as you don't want Christians telling you how to raise your kids I don't want the norms of society to raise mine.

Steve

 

[challenger]

Not sure if I like you analogy using the car, I will need to think about it, but your point is well taken. As a Christian I guess I need to raise me kids (not that I have any now) according to my own moral beliefs. But just as you don't want Christians telling you how to raise your kids I don't want the norms of society to raise mine.

No offense mate, but you don't own your kids. You don't have the right to keep them away from reality, they're people in their own right, not extensions of you.

 

[ssms27]

No offense mate, but you don't own your kids. You don't have the right to keep them away from reality, they're people in their own right, not extensions of you.

All I said was that I was going to raise my kids according to my own moral beliefs. I didn't say I was going to lock them up or keep them from reality.

My point was I don't want society to have a stronger influence on my kids than I do. Lets face it, kids do not make the best decisions and are more influenced by peer pressure than rational thinking. But that doesn't mean I should compromise and tell them its ok to have sex whenever they feel their ready. No, on the contrary its by job as a parent to protect them, from themselves, until there old enough to make their own decisions regarding sex.

See, by saying no offense but, your are telling me what I can and can't do as a parent. Is it wrong for my children to be raised with Christian values?

Steve

 

[challenger]

All I said was that I was going to raise my kids according to my own moral beliefs. I didn't say I was going to lock them up or keep them from reality.

So are you going to teach them about contraception then?

My point was I don't want society to have a stronger influence on my kids than I do. Lets face it, kids do not make the best decisions and are more influenced by peer pressure than rational thinking. But that doesn't mean I should compromise and tell them its ok to have sex whenever they feel their ready. No, on the contrary its by job as a parent to protect them, from themselves, until there old enough to make their own decisions regarding sex.

Of course you could always warn them of the danger and make sure that they are informed as to what the risks of each situation are.

See, by saying no offense but, your are telling me what I can and can't do as a parent. Is it wrong for my children to be raised with Christian values?

No, I'm telling you that I don't agree with your particular brand of parenting.

 

[ssms27]

So are you going to teach them about contraception then?

Yeah, but I will explain why I think they ought to wait until they are married to have sex.

Of course you could always warn them of the danger and make sure that they are informed as to what the risks of each situation are.

Yeah I would want to warn them and protect them as best I can. I just don't think telling them its OK to have sex is the right way to do that.

No, I'm telling you that I don't agree with your particular brand of parenting.

OK, I misunderstood what you were saying.

Steve

 

[challenger]

Yeah I would want to warn them and protect them as best I can. I just don't think telling them its OK to have sex is the right way to do that.

Really I don't think there's much we disagree on, you just think that they should be married first, I think they should be ready to deal with the possible consequences (both health wise and emotional) of being in a sexual relationship with somebody.

OK, I misunderstood what you were saying.

I also misunderstood what you were saying, I though you meant that you didn't feel that you should teach your kids about contraception.

 

[ssms27]

Really I don't think there's much we disagree on, you just think that they should be married first, I think they should be ready to deal with the possible consequences (both health wise and emotional) of being in a sexual relationship with somebody.

Exactly. I want my kids to be able to make logical, well informed choices including if they want to follow after me footsteps and become a Christian or not. My concern is that they will agree with whatever the secular world is telling them because of peer pressure or lack of knowledge and not because they thought out the consequences.

I also misunderstood what you were saying, I though you meant that you didn't feel that you should teach your kids about contraception.

Cool...I have been a lurker on these boards for awhile but I have just recently started posting so maybe I am not being clear enough.

Steve

 

[Grace_of_God]

I will teach my kids about sex but not every last detail nor will I tell them what to do and how to get around pre-marital sex. I will explain to them why it is very important to wait until marriage. I will let them know that they can come for me, but our relationship is going to be based on an education about God, not one about sex. I will teach them of MARRIAGE, rather than of *just* sex.

 

[The Bellman]

Is this a scare tactic? Hey people get married and divorced in their 30's and so on. Thats because people say words like, to death due us part, in sickness and health but don't honor their word. That goes for Christians as well as Non-Christians. Its easier to leave someone than to work through marital issues. (I'm not talking about major issues like abuse, adultery, ect)

Steve

I don't THINK it's a scare tactic...I would call something a "scare tactic" if it uses the bad consequences of a very unlikely outcome as a warning against an action - for example, don't have sex, you'll get AIDS. But from what I know (admittedly anecdotal), the chances of those who marry young getting divorced is rather high, making this not a "scare tactic" but more a realistic prediction.

 

[The Bellman]

That made me laugh.

Bellman,

Not sure if I like you analogy using the car, I will need to think about it, but your point is well taken. As a Christian I guess I need to raise me kids (not that I have any now) according to my own moral beliefs. But just as you don't want Christians telling you how to raise your kids I don't want the norms of society to raise mine.

Steve

I can certainly understand the above. Definitely, I can understand that you want to raise your children according to your own moral beliefs. But in this situation where (for example) your moral beliefs aer "don't have sex until marriage", will you also teach them "But if you DO have sex before marriage, here is what you should do to protect yourself", or will you say "if you wait until marriage, you won't need to protect yourself, so I won't teach you how to do so"? I could certainly sympathise with the first option; but the second is, IMO, harmful to them.

 

[The Bellman]

I will teach my kids about sex but not every last detail nor will I tell them what to do and how to get around pre-marital sex. I will explain to them why it is very important to wait until marriage. I will let them know that they can come for me, but our relationship is going to be based on an education about God, not one about sex. I will teach them of MARRIAGE, rather than of *just* sex.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "how to get around per-marital sex". Do you mean you won't tell them how to protect themselves IF they choose to have pre-marital sex?

 

[Mr. Fields]

Or, of course, you coudl convince them to wait until marriage...and they'll marry at 18 and divorce at 21 when they realise they were stupid to marry so young.

Oh, so true!!!!!

That was my ex-wife and I... I was 19, she had just turned 18. We married because we didn't want to "displease God", yet our hormones were raging.

Five years later, it was all over...

 

[Spike~]

Well, assuming I even have kids, I would be upfront, direct and brutally honest with them. I would teach about the biology of sex, the emotional aspects of it, and the science of it. I would teach them about BC, abortion (both sides), STD, and how to have sex, and enjoy it. I would make sure that my kids would be able to come to me about whatever questions they might have.

 

[flicka]

I will teach my kids about sex but not every last detail nor will I tell them what to do and how to get around pre-marital sex. I will explain to them why it is very important to wait until marriage. I will let them know that they can come for me, but our relationship is going to be based on an education about God, not one about sex. I will teach them of MARRIAGE, rather than of *just* sex.

My mother had a similar way of handling it when I was a kid. I ended up learning about getting married from her, and 'every last detail' about sex from my friends, as I suspect all kids will do if they don't already have the info (this isn't as bad as it sounds since many parents can't speak frankly to their kids about anything sexual). My only question to you is what will you do/say to your adult children if marriage isn't in the cards? Will you care if they remain celibate forever or just ignore the possibility that they wont? It seems like some parents just want to get their kids into marriage (or adulthood) as virgins, but at some point it's got to become a non issue...right?

 

[seebs]

My wife's mom sat her down one day and said "I'm going to have to talk with you about sex." My wife said "But we covered that in school." Her mom said "They talked about biology. I'm talking about technique."

Heh.

Anyway, I certainly plan, should I have any kids, to make sure they understand the biology and the emotional issues. I would recommend that they not have premarital sex, but, once they're 18, it's their life to live.

 

[stray bullet]

I'm interested to hear what the rest of you would do!

All questions about sex and suspecisions of masturbation will immediately be met by an increase in chores and hours at their jobs. It would clearly suggest they have way too much time on their hands and energy that should be directed elsewhere.

More seriously though, I plan on having kids and sharing my values and beliefs with them. I will not have sex until I am married and I would hope they feel the same way. I respect the fact that my children will only share my genes and I don't expect them to be mini-mes. For that reason, I would pass on information and my life experiences to help them make an informed decision.

If I found out my teenagers were having sex, I wouldn't condemn them, but make sure they were being careful and respectful of their partners.

 

[The Bellman]

Anyway, I certainly plan, should I have any kids, to make sure they understand the biology and the emotional issues. I would recommend that they not have premarital sex, but, once they're 18, it's their life to live.

It's their own life to live when they're UNDER 18, too. Kids have sex before they're 18.

 

[The Bellman]

My mother had a similar way of handling it when I was a kid. I ended up learning about getting married from her, and 'every last detail' about sex from my friends, as I suspect all kids will do if they don't already have the info (this isn't as bad as it sounds since many parents can't speak frankly to their kids about anything sexual). My only question to you is what will you do/say to your adult children if marriage isn't in the cards? Will you care if they remain celibate forever or just ignore the possibility that they wont? It seems like some parents just want to get their kids into marriage (or adulthood) as virgins, but at some point it's got to become a non issue...right?

This is a big danger. You learn "every last detail" from friends...who might not get it right. Hence girls who think youcan't get pregnant the first time, or if you do it standing up, etc. Surely the best way for them to learn is the same place they learn other facts - school?

 

[seebs]

It's their own life to live when they're UNDER 18, too. Kids have sex before they're 18.

I agree that they may well do so, but before they're 18, I would feel some justification in asking them to comply with my strangely old-fashioned notions about these things. Once they're out on their own, I have less authority.

In another post:

This is a big danger. You learn "every last detail" from friends...who might not get it right. Hence girls who think youcan't get pregnant the first time, or if you do it standing up, etc. Surely the best way for them to learn is the same place they learn other facts - school?

I'd rather teach 'em myself than rely on a school program which may have biases, but I agree that I'd rather they get it from school than from friends. I have known too many people who were unclear on substantial questions about sexuality... I am not at all comfortable with a parenting style that denies kids this information. They are humans. They are sexual beings. They will come to deal with this; better their decisions are informed ones.