What will/would you teach your kids...

[wineandecstasy]

If, in the rare occurance I did have children (which is unlikely as... well, I just plain don't like `em), I would ensure that I would always be frank, open, and honest with them about everything sexual. I would certainly not tell them to wait until marriage, as I myself don't share that particular belief, but of course I would inform them all about the risks of contracting STDs and what have you. I know that teenagers are likely to be sexually active, and if my child was I wouldn't have any problem with it, so long as I knew that they were using protection every time. I think it's very important to be very honest and open with children in regards to sexuality, as it's a subject that can have a large impact on their lives and it is important to be well-informed about it. I remember my parents telling me about sex (just the basic mechanics) when I was... three, I think, because I asked about it. I think my parents made the right choice, by informing me honestly without... beating around the bush. But that's just me

 

[Grace_of_God]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "how to get around per-marital sex". Do you mean you won't tell them how to protect themselves IF they choose to have pre-marital sex?

I am going to teach my children about marriage. I am not going to say "if you do have sex before you are married..." because this is me condoning their behaviour. I am going to teach them why it is important to wait and why they are not to put themselves into situations which could lead to sin. My kids WILL be educated, they will just be educated in a different way.

 

[Grace_of_God]

My mother had a similar way of handling it when I was a kid. I ended up learning about getting married from her, and 'every last detail' about sex from my friends, as I suspect all kids will do if they don't already have the info (this isn't as bad as it sounds since many parents can't speak frankly to their kids about anything sexual). My only question to you is what will you do/say to your adult children if marriage isn't in the cards? Will you care if they remain celibate forever or just ignore the possibility that they wont? It seems like some parents just want to get their kids into marriage (or adulthood) as virgins, but at some point it's got to become a non issue...right?

I CAN be frank with my children, and I WILL be frank with them. I just will have different things to teach my children then you may have to teach your own. I suspect that their friends will learn the same things as they are since they will be raised in a teensy very conservative community. I also intend on raising my children at home (ie. homeschooling) and will be raising them to know how to be a husband and a wife, a father and a mother. If marriage is not in the cards for them, then yes, I will expect them to follow the Bible and wait until they DO decide to get married before they have sex. And I will stress this over and over again to them that pre-marital sex is displeasing to God. I am not going to teach them how to have pre-marital sex just because that is what society is like nowadays. We will live in the world, not of the world, and they will be raised in a Godly manner and learn who to live a Godly life.

 

[Cerridwen]

Hey~

I am going to teach my children about marriage. I am not going to say "if you do have sex before you are married..." because this is me condoning their behaviour. I am going to teach them why it is important to wait and why they are not to put themselves into situations which could lead to sin. My kids WILL be educated, they will just be educated in a different way.

That's all well and good, but think about this- using an argument I've posted before:

You have a big, beautiful swimming pool in your backyard. You build a fence around it & you tell your kids over and over to stay away from that pool because it's dangerous. You obviously can't be watching them like a hawk every second of their lives. Eventually, curiosity is going to get the best of them, & they are going to want to see why that pool is such a big deal. When that time comes, wouldn't you rather they knew how to swim?

Love & Blessings, Cerridwen*

 

[The Bellman]

Hey~



That's all well and good, but think about this- using an argument I've posted before:

You have a big, beautiful swimming pool in your backyard. You build a fence around it & you tell your kids over and over to stay away from that pool because it's dangerous. You obviously can't be watching them like a hawk every second of their lives. Eventually, curiosity is going to get the best of them, & they are going to want to see why that pool is such a big deal. When that time comes, wouldn't you rather they knew how to swim?

Love & Blessings, Cerridwen*

Excellent analogy, Cerridwen, which I think cuts the legs from the under the "I'll teach them to wait, so they won't need to know protection" arguments.

 

[transientlife]

I agree with Bellman and Cerridwen. Keeping kids ignorant of reality in effort to keep them abstinent till marriage is a risky undertaking.
I bet most parents wouldn't be able to forgive themselves if their child fell into that "pool" not knowing how to "swim" and something bad came of it. Just because you teach the child about sex and protection does not mean they will go out and have sex. Just as if you do teach them only about abstinence that they will indeed wait.
Warning/teaching about an activity is not condoning it, IMO.

 

[Grace_of_God]

Cerridwen,

No, I am not teaching them how to disobey the Lord. Sorry if that bothers anyone here, but it just isn't happening. And no, not all children are going to have sex. Only those who, whether we like to admit it or not, are not taught to stay away from it and are taught about MARRIAGE, rather than sex. There are some out there, who have been raised correctly, but sitll give in to temptation. These are usually people, who hang out with the wrong type of people and who are conformed to the world. I will be raising my children differently. As for you scenario, I will not be owning a pool anyway, and even if I did, the children would NOT have unsupervised access to it; even if they knew how to swim. And, my final answer, no matter how many different scenarios I am given, is going to remain that I will NEVER teach my children to disobey the Lord. It just isn't happening. I would rather teach my kids to OBEY Him instead.

 

[Grace_of_God]

Excellent analogy, Cerridwen, which I think cuts the legs from the under the "I'll teach them to wait, so they won't need to know protection" arguments.

You would think that since that is your belief. It really doesn't do that though!

 

[Grace_of_God]

Warning/teaching about an activity is not condoning it, IMO.

I WILL be warning/teaching them. I believe I already established this. It just may not be the same "cirriculum" you would choose.

 

[Cerridwen]

Hey~

Sooo...I suppose you'll be more content to sit back & let them drown, Grace_of_God? After all...you taught them to obey God....

Love & Blessings, Cerridwen*

 

[ravenwolf]

just thought i'd put it differently cuz i dont think she got the analogy....
Ok, so you teach your kids about marriage and obeying God (which is good if thats what you want to do) but you dont teach them safe sex.(mind you they will still have there own mind regardless of what you put in it...you can only influence not force) Ok so your kid knows NOTHING about safe sex, they (regardless of what you taught them) end up having sex anyway(cuz you cant completely control them...they ARE individuals)and because they knew nothing about safe sex, they end up pregnant or with aids or some other STD. Where as on the other hand if they did know safe sex, it could have been prevented and chances that they would have gotten pregnant or contracted an STD would be extremely minimal.
~ravenwolf

 

[The Bellman]

You would think that since that is your belief. It really doesn't do that though!

Yes, it does.

No, I am not teaching them how to disobey the Lord. Sorry if that bothers anyone here, but it just isn't happening. And no, not all children are going to have sex. Only those who, whether we like to admit it or not, are not taught to stay away from it and are taught about MARRIAGE, rather than sex. There are some out there, who have been raised correctly, but sitll give in to temptation. These are usually people, who hang out with the wrong type of people and who are conformed to the world. I will be raising my children differently. As for you scenario, I will not be owning a pool anyway, and even if I did, the children would NOT have unsupervised access to it; even if they knew how to swim. And, my final answer, no matter how many different scenarios I am given, is going to remain that I will NEVER teach my children to disobey the Lord. It just isn't happening. I would rather teach my kids to OBEY Him instead.

I find this line of thinking incomprehensible. To begin with, it's indescribably naive. It amazes me that anyone can think that the ONLY teens who will have sex are those who are not taught about. Such an idea is simply ridiculous, and I can't help but wonder how people come up with it. By the same logic, if we teach our children nothing about drugs, they'll never use drugs? That makes no sense at all.

It boils down to "I refuse to believe my children will disobey me, therefore I will not teach them how to deal with life if they DO disobey me." I won't teach them how to swim, since they'll never go in the pool without me, I won't teach them contraception, since they'll never have sex outside marriage, I won't tell them about drugs, since they'll never use drugs, and so forth. The end result is children who are pitifully unable to actually live in the real world which - like it or not - they DO have to live in, whatever their religious beliefs.

In the end, of course, beliefs and practices like this are notable mostly for the harm they do to the children. What you post does "bother" many of us here, because we do not like to see children harmed by their parents religious beliefs. This is right up there with the JWs who refuse to allow their children to have blood transfusions because they think it's not God's will. And it's why ALL children should be educated by the state on matters relating to sex. They should not have to suffer because of their parents' religious beliefs.

No offence, but I really hope you never have, or are responsible for, children.

 

[Grace_of_God]

Sooo...I suppose you'll be more content to sit back & let them drown, Grace_of_God?

This is a VERY RUDE comment!

No, I am NOT going to let them drown, I am going to teach them how to swim a different way then you will teach your kids. Doesn't mean mine will drown and yours will float!

 

[Grace_of_God]

just thought i'd put it differently cuz i dont think she got the analogy....

Actually I DID get the analogy the very first time I read it. I still see things differently though and that isn't going to change, no matter how many analogies and scenarios are thrown my way.

but you dont teach them safe sex.

I WILL be teaching them, only in a different way you may choose to do so with your children. Safe sex is in marriage. I will teach them about marriage (and everything that comes with marriage. I will NOT teach them to disobey the Lord. If your method works with your kids, go for it. But I am also going to be raising my own children as I see fit.

(mind you they will still have there own mind regardless of what you put in it...you can only influence not force)

A parent's job is to guide their children and help shape the people they are going to become. That is precisely what I have planned!

As for your little scenarios, I will remain strong in my opinion that I am teaching my kids rght from wrong and in doing so, I must teach them what I believe is right and wrong. They will be aware and what safe sex is because I will be teaching them about marriage. Keep in mind, I don't believe in birth control, so I will not be teaching my kids about that either. They will know it is there and they will know why I don't condone it. They will also know that the most effective birth control, the one God desires until marriage is involved, is abstinence. Simple as that. I must teach my children how I see fit. I am not going to change just because some people don't like it.

 

[armed2010]

Grace of God, based on your analogy, do you think that if you didnt teach your kids about Satan, or sinning, that they would not know how to sin and therefore wont?

 

[The Bellman]

This is a VERY RUDE comment!

No, I am NOT going to let them drown, I am going to teach them how to swim a different way then you will teach your kids. Doesn't mean mine will drown and yours will float!

No, you're not. You're going to teach them to stay away from the pool! That way, they'll obey you and they won't NEED to know how to swim. And if they disobey you and actually do get into the pool...well, they'll drown...but that's THEIR fault. If they'd done what you told them, they wouldn't have drowned.

Just the same. Your'e going to teach them to stay away from pre-marital sex. That way, they'll obey you and they won't NEED to know how to protect themselves. If they disobey you and actually do have pre-marital sex...well, they might get pregnant, or catch an STD...and that's THEIR fault. If they'd done what you told them, they wouldn't have.

The analogy is a very good one, which is why I said it cuts the knees out from your 'argument'.

 

[Grace_of_God]

Yes, it does.

No, it doesn't.

To begin with, it's indescribably naive. It amazes me that anyone can think that the ONLY teens who will have sex are those who are not taught about.

I did not say this, and a careful re-reading of my post will show you that.

By the same logic, if we teach our children nothing about drugs, they'll never use drugs?

It isn't the same logic. I will teach my children that there are drugs out there, just as I will teach them that there is pre-marital sex out there. But I am not going to encourage either nor will I tell them how to do either. I WILL tell them how to get out of the situations, why they are displeasing to God, and why they are harmful, etc.

That makes no sense at all.

Doesn't have to make sense to you. I am referring to my children, and it makes sense to me, so that's all that matters.

It boils down to "I refuse to believe my children will disobey me, therefore I will not teach them how to deal with life if they DO disobey me."

What it boils down to is "I am not going to tell my kids HOW to disobey me (and not even me, but rather the Lord)".

they DO have to live in, whatever their religious beliefs.

My kids will be raised IN the world but not OF it. The will be raised in a community which does not conform to the immorality running amok on our globe!

In the end, of course, beliefs and practices like this are notable mostly for the harm they do to the children.

That is a typical statement I would expect from people like you. When in reality when these things were taught to all children, the world was a MUCH better place to live in!

What you post does "bother" many of us here

Doesn't matter. It isn't going to change.

because we do not like to see children harmed by their parents religious beliefs.

My children are not going to be harmed nor are the going to be deprived of anything. Believe it or not, it IS possible for us religious people to live happily ever after as well!

And it's why ALL children should be educated by the state on matters relating to sex.

My kids are not going to be educated by the "state" (or rather, province, here in Canada.) They WILL be homeschooled, and if it is outlawed, then we will be moving. My kids will not be going to public school no matter what.

They should not have to suffer because of their parents' religious beliefs.

My kids are not going to suffer! I am not going to be mean to them. They will grow up in a loving caring home with a strong foundation. And I do think there is proof out there that shows that these kids are the happiest.

No offence, but I really hope you never have, or are responsible for, children.

DO NOT WISH ILL TOWARDS ME AGAIN!!! If you EVER think about saying anything as cruel, mean and heartless as that, do not even bother responding to me EVER again!!! And don't even add "no offense" because it is clear that offense was entirely intended! DO NOT WISH BAD THINGS UPON ME!

 

[armed2010]

DO NOT WISH ILL TOWARDS ME AGAIN!!! If you EVER think about saying anything as cruel, mean and heartless as that, do not even bother responding to me EVER again!!! And don't even add "no offense" because it is clear that offense was entirely intended! DO NOT WISH BAD THINGS UPON ME!

Anger management?

 

[Grace_of_God]

No, you're not.

Please don't speak of that which you know nothing about.

You're going to teach them to stay away from the pool!

I am going to teach them to swim in a different way than you will. They will learn how to swim because it is okay to go into the pool when I am around, not just because they MIGHT fall in. And they will learn what they need to know about sex because it will be okay for them to do so once they are married. They will not learn just because they MIGHT decide to sleep around. I will teach my kids things for the right reasons, not so that I can teach them how to disobey in the future!

That way, they'll obey you and they won't NEED to know how to swim. And if they disobey you and actually do get into the pool...well, they'll drown...but that's THEIR fault.

You are truly ignorant! Until you are even willing to at least hear me out, to UNDERSTAND what I am trying to say, don't bother talking to me.

 

[Grace_of_God]

Anger management?

Is that ALL you have to offer to the conversation?? Boy, that was a great help for absolutely neither side and a waste of everybody's time! No, I do not need anger management, but when someone wishes ill upon me, darn right I am going to speak up! And you haven't even seen me angry yet armed! I am actually pretty calm now, except for maybe that one comment there, which was completely justified. When someone actually wishes that God won't bless me with children, they have shot me. So I will say something back.