i was recently on the phone with a long time friend i dont see often. it was 11 pm at night my time and midnight hers and her kids were still up.. her approach to getting them to bed was repeatedly cursing at them and yelling at them.. i was lost for words when i heard this but knew i had to say something.. how can i confront her and let her know her kids are not going to co-operate when they are being yelled and cussed at?? i know shes a good mother other wise but i feel i need to somehow talk to her about this..
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what to say..
- Thread starter tiffyof6ntwins
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b.hopeful
Sharp as a razor, soft as a prayer
- Jul 17, 2009
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It's hard to give advice when you aren't asked...especially when it comes to child rearing. There's the tendency to be passive aggressive...which is just sugar coated condescension....so avoid that. Just approach her with love and concern...because that is what you are feeling. "Hey friend, sounds like the kids are really stressing you out right now. I bet the yelling just adds to the tension. Do you need some ideas on instilling a bedtime? My kids have a pretty helpful routine down." Just be honest and talk to her about it. That does suck for her kids...and it doesn't help the root problem at all. GL!
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- Feb 21, 2007
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To be honest, "I bet the yelling just adds to the tension. Do you need some ideas on instilling a bedtime? My kids have a pretty helpful routine down." comes across as condescending to me. You friend is probably stressed and at her wit's end and has resulted in her feeling out of control - not good with children.
In my opinion, next time you talk to her maybe ask what's going on with the kids and really listen to everything she says, she may ask if you have input and then you can offer advice in a kind, gentle manner. That way she asked and can't accuse you of butting in if she gets offended. I'm where your friend is. My two year old hates going to sleep and will nap 45 minutes at 3PM and stay up until 3AM and I am ashamed of some of the things that slipped out of my mouth as a result (and no, it didn't get him to go to bed and it made me feel horrible!). We're slowly getting his schedule fixed, but I know Christmas is going to get him out of whack again.
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