what to do, what to do

[dwd3885]

To make a really, really long story short--I have been engaged for about a year to my fiance. i'm 22 and we've been dating for like 7 years. We agreed to have a long engagement and get married after we graduate school. we are slated to get married june 14, 2008. she and i are high school sweethearts and i've never really truly gone out with anybody else before. I love her with all my heart and she is an absolute great girlfriend, who takes care of me and everything i could ever ask for.

for the past couple of months i have developed a strong friendship with one of my co-workers (work at a restaurant). this co-worker and i talk all the time at work and a little bit outside of work, but we have been good friends for about a year. it's just that recently, it has seemed that there is more going on with the situation. i have a weird feeling and get butterflies in my stomach at times when i don't think i should. the thing is to is that she has a boyfriend and it's not like we ever even talked about this, but am i mistaking our good friendship for something more? i'm just looking for some advice on what to do.

God Bless

 

[Rhododendron]

To make a really, really long story short--I have been engaged for about a year to my fiance. We agreed to have a long engagement and get married after we graduate school. we are slated to get married june 14, 2008. she and i are high school sweethearts and i've never really truly gone out with anybody else before. I love her with all my heart and she is an absolute great girlfriend, who takes care of me and everything i could ever ask for.

for the past couple of months i have developed a strong friendship with one of my co-workers (work at a restaurant). this co-worker and i talk all the time at work and a little bit outside of work, but we have been good friends for about a year. it's just that recently, it has seemed that there is more going on with the situation. i have a weird feeling and get butterflies in my stomach at times when i don't think i should. the thing is to is that she has a boyfriend and it's not like we ever even talked about this, but am i mistaking our good friendship for something more? i'm just looking for some advice on what to do.

God Bless

Please don't take offence, but I think it sounds like you might not be ready for a marriage. You're not married yet, so it's ok to end the relationship with your fiance if you feel like she is not the one. Are you ready to put all of your efforts onto her? Once you marry her, you cannot be controlled by other emotions that other women may put onto you.

Since you are in a relationship, and a very serious one at that, you have to do one or the other. There is no half taken business. Either you put your all into your fiance who will be your wife, or if you really feel like there's something else going on, then to be fair to your fiance, I would end it.

Spend time with God and pray. Pray that He'll show you your own heart. It's ok to get confused, it happens but it's not fair to the people around you if you drag them into your confusion, so if you really feel like you're unsettled, then I'd take the single route.

 

[Kol]

To make a really, really long story short--I have been engaged for about a year to my fiance. i'm 22 and we've been dating for like 7 years. We agreed to have a long engagement and get married after we graduate school. we are slated to get married june 14, 2008. she and i are high school sweethearts and i've never really truly gone out with anybody else before. I love her with all my heart and she is an absolute great girlfriend, who takes care of me and everything i could ever ask for.

for the past couple of months i have developed a strong friendship with one of my co-workers (work at a restaurant). this co-worker and i talk all the time at work and a little bit outside of work, but we have been good friends for about a year. it's just that recently, it has seemed that there is more going on with the situation. i have a weird feeling and get butterflies in my stomach at times when i don't think i should. the thing is to is that she has a boyfriend and it's not like we ever even talked about this, but am i mistaking our good friendship for something more? i'm just looking for some advice on what to do.

No, you are not mistaking friendship for something else.

I am going to tell you something that probably no one else will agree with, but that if you think about it, you'll see as true:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE ONE. There just isn't. It's just romantic dribble. It may seem harsh, but falling in love is just a chemical way to get humans to breed. This doesn't mean that love isn't real. This doesn't make your feelings for your fiance fake. This doesn't mean that you don't, can't, or won't ever *really love* your fiance. But that love, if it comes, will be something stronger.

There is a very good book you should read, an old book but still a bestseller, called 'The Road Less Traveled' by M. Scott Peck. You might also want to read 'The Four Loves' by CS Lewis. Take the time to read or at least skim Dr. Peck's book and if possible, CS Lewis. John Eldridge also makes good points in his books about love.

There is no such thing as THE ONE, and you will eventually fall out of love with anyone.

It sounds to me like you've started to fall in love with your coworker. That's normal, especially if you've been away from your fiance for a while. Your body doesn't know about 'engagements'. It wants to procreate.

It's easy to fall in love, even with the wrong people. I know. But you and your fiance-the one you've *decided* to love-will have a deeper relationship than just one where you are "in love."

Read The Road Less Traveled, at least the parts that talk about marriage and love.

Godbless.

 

[Bubba1301]

It also a natural thing to find people attractive. We need to keep our head about us when temptations like that come our way. If you are truly committed to your finance then you need to learn to beat down and cast away those feelings - with God's help obviously. This can be a growing experience for you, I hope you learn and grow from it.

 

[allthatisgone]

Id say... drop the girl, and drop the fiancee too if your eyes are wandering. But who am I to tell you nethin of course.

 

[allthatisgone]

and butterflies mean nothing. all you gotta do is kill them.

 

[JacobHall86]

Love is a Choice, not en emotional feeling you cant control. Control your feelings and the problem is solved.

 

[Taylor43]

Love is a choice and when a engadgement takes place and I know this is a long one try to stay faithful do not screw it up. No matter what stay faithful to the one you prosied too.

If you cant just be honest, I know it is hard but be honest. Getting married is a seirious and there is no play but if you cant see the future with this girlfriend or relationship. I would rather save the heart ache.

My best advice is to sleep on it and pray. I will keep you in my od loves you n prayers and what ever you decide God loves you always

 

[Kol]

It also a natural thing to find people attractive.

Love is a Choice, not an emotional feeling you cant control.

Love is a choice and when a engagement takes place and I know this is a long one try to stay faithful do not screw it up. No matter what stay faithful to the one you promised to.

If you cant just be honest, I know it is hard but be honest. Getting married is a serious and there is no play but if you cant see the future with this girlfriend or relationship. I would rather save the heart ache.

That's it. Attraction to others doesn't end at engagement or marriage. Love is not a just a feeling, it's a choice.

A lot of men smarter than me have said this much better. If you're really worried, skim through some of those books.

 

[dwd3885]

i texted this person via phone that i have been thinking about her a lot the past three days and that it was probably because she was going to be leaving and i wouldn't know if i would see her much if any, anymore. (long story, the place we both work is going to be closing down in a few days, and she is quiting and finding another job. that's why i say this)

i have actually been close to this person as a friend for over a year now, but just recently been feeling these things

 

[Rhododendron]

i texted this person via phone that i have been thinking about her a lot the past three days and that it was probably because she was going to be leaving and i wouldn't know if i would see her much if any, anymore. (long story, the place we both work is going to be closing down in a few days, and she is quiting and finding another job. that's why i say this)

i have actually been close to this person as a friend for over a year now, but just recently been feeling these things

What did you text to her, if you don't mind my asking?

Also, is this all new? You said 3 days... does this mean that you've just started to feel this way about her?

 

[dwd3885]

What did you text to her, if you don't mind my asking?

Also, is this all new? You said 3 days... does this mean that you've just started to feel this way about her?

I texted her and told her that i have been thinking about her a lot since saturday (the last day we worked together) and that it was probably because we won't see eachother much anymore or that we hadn't talked since saturday. So that still sounds like just a friend missing a friend right?

ever since i met her, two summers ago, i had always liked her as a friend and had kind of a mini-crush on her. actually, me and my fiance talked about that at the time. a couple of months later, we got engaged and this girl was still my friend, but i didn't think about her a ton really. but up until a couple of days ago, she has been on my mind constantly

 

[TanMan]

Here is the best answer you will get... Pray about it!!!

 

[Time4AChange]

yup^^Pray and wait on God. He CANT fail, that's the beautiful thing about the one we serve. If you sincerely pray in the name of his son Jesus, then he WILL help you make the perfect decision.

Be blessed dwd