i have a personall problem here and i am looking for some insight/advice. i am not even sure if i am on the right forum and if not please guide me to one. heres the dilema: i have been friends with a guy for about 9 or so years. in the last year or two we have become attracted to one another and in a moment of weekness we became intimate and made love. we both sort of freaked out a little as it was unexpected (though wonderful) we had both been single for the past five years and were lonely, etc. before i was fine with this relationship, now though that it has become sexual i feel hooked. the problem is that there seems to be an inbalance of power in that he only calls maybe once or twice a month. sometimes just for a date and other times we make love. i told him from the beginning it is next to impossible to just be "freinds" now as i can't be his beck and call girl, thought i could, but i can't. he told me he had feelings for me but felt when we were together to much we fought and he doesn't want that. he seems argumentative after sex as if he is scared of the intimacy or something. eventually he comes around and says he has more than lustful feelings for me, etc. i told him i can't sleep with him anymore and he said that is my choice. i am not ready for marriage at this point. we are both in our late thirties and i am divorced. i don't know what i want right now but i do know that beyond my control i feel like i am in love with him. what do i do to redeem this relationship and make it right? is it to late for God to work on it? what do i do? i can't go on having sex its not enough for me to be a casual girlfriend although we are both exclusive to one another. what is the best thing i can do for him and me and God? any advice and guidance is appreciated. thank you....
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what to do now...
- Thread starter rose4u2
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OfficeBoss
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If he calls only once or twice a month then I dout his feeling for you can be very strong.rose4u2 said:
Do you feel that your physical relationship might be keeping you from making a smart choice even now? Are you attracted to him because you are lonely, or becuase you honestly enjoy being around him. Are you hoping he with change in a way that will make the relationship better? Most guys in their late 30's dont change that much.
Are you in love with him, or are you in love with a faith of what you would like him to be?
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Dear Sister,
I am not sure exactly what to say or rather I dont know what you are expecting to hear. The word of God says that when two get married then they become one flesh. I see from your age that you already know that. The problem between you and your friend is not right, God's word speaks strongly against it. That is God's judgement. At the same time he wants you to know that he loves you and that just because you've made a mistake doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Secondly to think we can share in intercourse and then return to being normal friends, is a bit ludicrous. God said they become one flesh and that special thing that God created is meant to be shared with one another in marriage. okay here it is plain and simple if he loves you more than just a call girl then he'll marry you, but if he's not interested leave him be, because by his actions he has proved your fear. today is set before you a decision life and death so please choose life. I realize because of a divorce that you'd be leary of marrying again. Listen God has a plan for you thats perfect, walk in it
I am not sure exactly what to say or rather I dont know what you are expecting to hear. The word of God says that when two get married then they become one flesh. I see from your age that you already know that. The problem between you and your friend is not right, God's word speaks strongly against it. That is God's judgement. At the same time he wants you to know that he loves you and that just because you've made a mistake doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Secondly to think we can share in intercourse and then return to being normal friends, is a bit ludicrous. God said they become one flesh and that special thing that God created is meant to be shared with one another in marriage. okay here it is plain and simple if he loves you more than just a call girl then he'll marry you, but if he's not interested leave him be, because by his actions he has proved your fear. today is set before you a decision life and death so please choose life. I realize because of a divorce that you'd be leary of marrying again. Listen God has a plan for you thats perfect, walk in it
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- Aug 3, 2004
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It is not always easy to seperate out sexual satisfaction from real relationship. Sex has its own intimacy which can obscure its lack in other areas.
Seems that you need some real time out from the relationship to think through a few issues more deeply.
John
NZ
Seems that you need some real time out from the relationship to think through a few issues more deeply.
John
NZ
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thanks so much for your wise words and concerns. i agree with them as they are based on biblical priciples i just needed to confirm them. much appreciated......Johnnz said:
GOD BLESS YOU
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thank you for your advice. i really appreciate it very much. i am making a vow to stop being intimate with him. like you said: if he loves me and wants more he will marry me. that is, if he is into marriage. being a christian man though he should know beter and if he doesn't well there is not alot i can do. it will be difficult not to be intimate and may even cause conflict but to obey the Lord and his will i will do what needs to be done. thank you again for your concerns........apologia25 said:
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i want to thank those of you who cared enough about me to respond. it may not seem like a huge problem but believe me for me it was..............i take what was advised to me very, very seriously and will be contemplating every single response. again i thank you for taking the time to hear me and respond it meant alot to me and has restored my faith in my brothers and sister in Christ. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!!!!!
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