What to do about infadility

[Marchpe]

I need prayer and some advice.  I am thinking of getting a divorce.

There were problems in my marrage on both sides.  However,  we have been in counceling for almost 1 year during which my wife continues to call her x-partner every couple of months and then hide it and lie about it.  They are not physicaly seeing each other because one is in Florida and the other in NY.  I just don't thing I can trust here as she lies to our Christian councilor who is also a minister and to me and goes to Church as if everything is ok.  On the surface everthing seems so good. We have three sons (17, 13,8)  i am mor than hapy to forgive and move on but can in the face of this deception.  I realy want to honour God with my life.  I left my past behind over 3 years ago. 

 

[fieldmouse3]

If she's being unfaithful, even if it isn't a physical thing, then you have Biblical grounds for a divorce, I believe. I would pray, and perhaps seek some more Christian guidance before you make a final decision, though. Could you go see this counselor on your own, and tell him/her about how your wife is living and lying? I'll be praying for you.

 

[Auntie]

Originally posted by Marchpe
I need prayer and some advice. I am thinking of getting a divorce.

We have three sons (17, 13,8)

PLEASE, NO, don't even think of getting a divorce. I know it might seem like the answer, but it is not. Try to be patient, and give it some more time. Keep going to counseling with your wife, and keep going to church with her. You really have to think of those boys, your sons. I can understand that you are in a lot of pain, but divorce will make the pain worse. She could get custody of the kids and move off to that other State you mentioned. Then you would hardly ever get to see your sons! Talk to your counselor about all of this, and God bless you. I'll be praying for you.

 

[altya]

PLEASE, NO, don't even think of getting a divorce. I know it might seem like the answer, but it is not. Try to be patient, and give it some more time.

I agree, give it time.

JESUS’S TEACHING ON DIVORCE:

Jesus maintains ((Mathew 19:. 9) that a divorcing husband who “leaves” his wife and “cleaves” to a second woman (Gen. 2:24) commits adultery against his first wife. The lone exception, and the only lawful reason for terminating a marriage, is porneia—a Greek term embracing adultery, homosexuality, and bestiality. Verse 9 does not contradict verses 4–6. For if porneia has occurred, the marital bond is already severed; the divorce does not cause the crack but witnesses to an existing crack. In this case the remarriage of the innocent party is not adulterous. (From a book)

 

[ZiSunka]

It says you can leave her, but it doesn't say you have to.

First you might consider telling the counsellor what see won't--that she is communicating with her lover secretly. Let the counsellor know that you believe this is still infidelity, even though it is verbal/emotional and not physical. It is an expression that the affair is not over for her.

Then, I recommend the book "Boundaries in Marriage." It gives great insight on how to hold your spouse accountable, and how to set and maintain limits on their behavior and what you are willing to tolerate.

Finally, sit down and look at your marriage and what it means to you and what there is to be lost by breaking up the family. The emotional cost of divorce is quite high, even considering the pain of infidelity. Divorce usually makes things much worse, not better, for everyone.

Pray and we will continue to pray for you. Marriages do make it back from situations like this. I wish I would have worked a lot harder to keep my marriage together, and most of the people I know feel the same way about their first marriages. Few people think that their second marriage is as satisfying or comfortable as their first.

God bless Marchpe with a renewal of love in his household, and with forgiveness and restoration to settle on the house and rebuild the marriage. Make his marriage stronger than ever before, their love deeper and more intense for having gone through this, and their family's faith in you stronger and firmer because they could see your hand in their lives. Amen.

 

[debs]

I heard some really good advise lately. "Never make big decisions out of the Lords Presence". In other words if youre feeling a little distanced from God right now, and focussed more on the situation and yourself, get that sorted out first.....hope this advise is good 4 u and the Lord gives u Hs Peace,

 

[Auntie]

Originally posted by debs
I heard some really good advise lately. "Never make big decisions out of the Lords Presence".

That's very good advice, debs!

 

[will_wait4Him]

My mom and dad got a divorce just recently. I can give you some advice for the kids. It won't be easy for them, but they will eventually get over it, but you can't force them over it. If any of them aren't seeming like their sad or mad or feeling anything about it, then they might be just bundling up the feelings inside, which isn't a good thing. You might wonna somehow get it them to talk about it. This is ONLY if you get a divorce!! I'll be praying for you and your husband.

 

[Smilin]

I will be praying for you as well....

As far as the lying thing goes,
Have you confronted her with
how this makes you feel, and
how lying betrays trust, and
without trust their can be no
relationship?

I speek from experience,
lying to my wife...about
simple things...almost destroyed
our relationship. It's something
that sticks to you and the trust
issue takes a lot of hard work and
time to heal. My problem of habitual
lying, I've come to realize, was a learned
behavior. My wife laid it on the line
to me, and I had two choices, change
my behavior, or lose what I loved.

Tell her exactly how lying makes you feel,
what you expect, but also give her time
and a chance. I can speek freely
now that the sin of lying is like a drug addiction.

I'll be praying for you both

 

[Hojo Hominygrits]

I posted this on your other thread as well because it was the first one I saw.....


Brother this is a tough situation for you. Are you seeing a Christian or secular counselor with your wife? This is probably something you'd be better off talking about with a doctrinally sound Christian counselor than folks on a message board.

Not to take away from the great people here, but there's too many opinions floating around and we don't know your walk with Christ or all the circumstances involved in your problem.

About the best advice I can give you is to find a pastor or a strong Christian couple or someone in Christian counseling that you can trust that can view your problems in person and help you and your wife.

And above all!!!! Pray for your wife and your situation. **(And everyone reading this, pray for them as well!!!)** It's the best we can do for you. I really believe that the last thing God wants is for you to get a divorce.