What am I doing wrong?

[Codi Weston]

He has not been back since posting the OP.

I contemplate and read replies as they come. You don't have to log in, in order to do so. I didn't think anyone wanted a response.

This life is for God, not us. We belong to him and not to ourselves. What's more, there's nothing good you can do apart from him. Learn what it means to be "in Christ". Salvation isn't "accepting him" —that's fellowship. Salvation is God's doing. It is grace and not a result of anything we can say or do. It is not a decision. And it does not depend on your performance or self-assessment.

So do we sit around and wait for an apple to fall on our head while we contemplate/meditate/pontificate? I realize what the scriptures say. I also know what my gut tells me - and that what we do with our time here has to matter, otherwise life is not as important as the scriptures say it is. Grace is not given randomly. I would think it requires asking for it. Jesus never mentioned sitting around waiting for it. Of course I say this, after asking for two decades and nothing... I still don't feel delivered from sin. It still is ruler. I thought being born again means that you have the power to go without sin - to be disgusted by it and not want it. Jesus said that when believers ask, that He will keep the devil away from them. I guess I'm not a real believer because my flesh wins the day no matter how many times I ask God to keep the temptations distant.

It sounds like you're quite thoroughly saved. Jesus died for you, you've accepted his salvation, all good. Now it's time to get on with the business of sanctification.

Sanctification is a work that God does in us, but we don't just sit around passively waiting for it to happen. The Catholic tradition has a good phrase describing the Christian life, "cooperation with grace". God does God's work, but we also do things to make ourselves more open to God's work in us.

Can I ask about your regular spiritual disciplines? These are different for different people (personalities, etc.), but might include daily prayer, regular Bible study, reading of theological or devotional books, volunteering at a homeless shelter or a food pantry, participating in one of your church's community ministries, and so forth. What spiritual practices do you follow on a regular basis, and which ones seem best at helping you love God and your neighbor?

By "accepted his salvation", I mean as far as I can, with what words will allow. As mentioned, I pray every day. There is no feedback, so it is kind of like a ritual - might as well be writing in a diary.

The devil acknowledges that Jesus is God. That act obviously doesn't mean anything to God.

Regarding church involvement - although the elevation of an imperfect human (Mary) by Catholics is weird to me and doesn't make sense, the repetitive act of symbolic remorse and repentance feels very real (keyword: feels). Still, it's just words and motions and emotions. Accepting salvation is just words to me. It's empty. When does this Holy Spirit take hold?

Yes I go to church(es) - hasn't made much of a difference. I've been to every form of denomination from Anabaptist to Methodist to Calvinist (RPC) to Catholic. Have not been to a Jehovah witness service. After several decades of life, going to a church seems redundant and sometimes just gives a temporary false hope from an emotional feeling of "doing good".

Yes I have been baptized. I don't know what some water on your head has to do with spirits and eternity. Just seems symbolic to me.

You can probably tell by now that I am pretty confused - between the working salvation (Catholic crowd) and mental salvation (Presbyterian crowd). I don't really care who has the correct doctrine any more since, after over 20 years, none of which has had any sort of affect regarding the most basic problem of defeating sin.

Thanks all for your time.

 

[Sabertooth]

After several decades of life, going to a church seems redundant and sometimes just gives a temporary false hope from an emotional feeling of "doing good".

According to Paul (in Ephesians 4:11-13), the purposes for the Church leadership are

1. for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry (that includes you),
2. for the edifying of the body of Christ,

till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;...

The Christian Walk expects such mentorship to be in place.
An edifying church does the above. If a church does not, check out the next one.
I recommend these,

• Vineyard,
• Assembly of God,
• Foursquare Church

(Links above are locators.)

 

[PloverWing]

@Codi Weston : I wish I could connect you with a wise spiritual counsellor that you could meet with in person and talk with at length, to get a sense of what's troubling you most. But here are some thoughts:

1) On feeling God's presence: Some people are lucky enough to feel God's presence frequently in their lives. But many of us experience long stretches of God's silence. Additionally, emotions are tricky things; sometimes I feel spiritually joyous, and sometimes I feel spiritually and emotionally blah. Just keep going, even when you can't feel God. Actions are more important than feelings.

2) You've mentioned sin a number of times. Without describing the details of your private life to strangers on the Internet -- is there some particular sin that you're trying to overcome? If it's something that's harming people around you, perhaps there is a way you can make amends to them. If it's an addiction of some kind, secular counselling might be useful to you. If it's an unwanted sexual desire of some kind, do your best to stay away from occasions of temptation, but also be kind to yourself, as some level of sexual desire is a natural part of human biology; secular counselling might be useful here as well, if you're being driven to act in ways you don't want. If it's something involving a computer/phone screen (posting angry stuff, or porn, or wasting time on meaningless Internet scrolling), there's always the option of a total fast from the Internet -- lock your screens away in a corner of the basement, and do without them for a month or more.

If there's anyone in your life whose wisdom you trust, and whom you can trust to keep your confidences -- a pastor, or a spiritual director, or a wise friend, anyone like that -- I think it could be helpful to tell them the particulars of what's troubling you and listen to their guidance. (In my church tradition, confession and absolution can be a part of this, though it doesn't have to be.) There are people who have both seminary training and a degree in psychology or counselling, and they work as qualified Christian counsellors/therapists; someone like that could be a good resource for you, if one is nearby.