What should I do?

[margaret1]

I left my emotionally abusive husband last summer after wanting to leave for some time. I now live with my boyfriend in the house left to me by my parents who have now both passed on. My boyfriend is nice most of the time although I do sometimes have little doubts and he has upset me a couple of times. Although I havent had any urges to kick his bag or jump on his suit as I did with my husband. The thing is my husband sometimes pops up in my head for no reason even in the middle of the night. If my boyfriend upsets me I get a strong urge to text or email my husband. Why is this? Have I not had time to grieve for the last relationship? Is God trying to tell me something. Our divorce is coming to a close but i have occasionally thought " I cant do this".
My mum wanted me to leave and I couldnt help thinking she was pulling some strings..........

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

You may not yet be fully resolved, either in leaving one or cleaving to the other. This means that you may not yet have found yourself, become comfortable in yer skin, as they say.

Dont take my word fr it, but it's crucial you are you for your own reasons and that you make choices for your own reasons, for no one else. IMO.

Blessings yer way. Think you need em!!!!

 

[4Christ2]

I left my emotionally abusive husband last summer after wanting to leave for some time. I now live with my boyfriend in the house left to me by my parents who have now both passed on. My boyfriend is nice most of the time although I do sometimes have little doubts and he has upset me a couple of times. Although I havent had any urges to kick his bag or jump on his suit as I did with my husband. The thing is my husband sometimes pops up in my head for no reason even in the middle of the night. If my boyfriend upsets me I get a strong urge to text or email my husband. Why is this? Have I not had time to grieve for the last relationship? Is God trying to tell me something. Our divorce is coming to a close but i have occasionally thought " I cant do this".
My mum wanted me to leave and I couldnt help thinking she was pulling some strings..........

Margaret, I am so sorry that your husband has been emotionally abusive towards you. Although "emotional abuse" is sometimes used by others to leave a marriage - I personally know that sometimes it is more scarring and harmful than physical abuse. It leaves severe spiritual and mental scars that aren't visible to the naked eye.

I need to ask you, are you saved by the blood of Jesus? If you belong to the Lord; you already have the answer you ask in your thread. The Holy Spirit has already revealed it to you.

I will seek then to be a witness to what the Spirit of the Lord has already shown you in your spirit. It is wrong, wrong, wrong for you to be with another man while you are married to your husband. Your divorce is not final yet. I'm not trying to pry and I don't know if you are sexually intimate with your boyfriend and I pray not, for if so, you are committing adultery against your husband. In any instance, being with another man while married to your husband makes you an adulteress in spirit if not in physical deed. Flee the relationship with your boyfriend and return to your husband. If not safe and you fear harm at the hands of your husband, you still need to leave the home of your boyfriend until you can determine God's direction for you and your husband.

You must pray and seek the Lord regarding the problems in your marriage. Have you both sought godly marriage counsel? Do you attend church and have a pastor or someone you trust from your church to talk with? I understand your desire to leave an abusive environment - I too was in one for 25 years.

If you came to this forum seeking approval from other "christians" to do this thing you are doing in being with another man...you will probably get it. In love Margaret, I cannot give you the approval you seek.

I love you as your sister in the Lord and because I love you...I must tell you; return to your lawfully wedded husband. Seek to work out your problems together through prayer and godly counsel. Trust in the Lord. Only He can heal what is broken. If your husband is not saved, but he is pleased to be your husband and live with you; the word of God tells the one saved not to divorce him.

It sounds like there is some doubt in your own mind about this boyfriend you are currently with. Praise God for that. It is not to be this way at this time; if ever. You vowed to love your husband when you married him and to forsake all others and cleave to him for life. Sometimes, divorce happens...but being with another man while married is adultery.

I am praying for you to do what the Lord would have you to do. You know what that is. Praying for you to be obedient to God and to God be the glory.

Your Sis in the love of Christ, 4C

 

[margaret1]

Yes, in answer to your question, I have am saved and was baptised 15 years ago and afterwards received a huge outpouring of the Holy Spirit alone in my bedroom.
My boyfriend and my husband are also Christians. My husband has a girlfriend also that he is sleeping with. She sometimes stays over. My boyfriend would have to leave as this is my house! I am so scared also of being on my own and of not finding a job.

 

[kanga22]

Yes, in answer to your question, I have am saved and was baptised 15 years ago and afterwards received a huge outpouring of the Holy Spirit alone in my bedroom.
My boyfriend and my husband are also Christians. My husband has a girlfriend also that he is sleeping with. She sometimes stays over. My boyfriend would have to leave as this is my house! I am so scared also of being on my own and of not finding a job.

I have to agree with 4Christ2. Just by calling the man you are living with your "boyfriend" implies that you are living in sin and commiting adultery. It's my understanding that this does not please God. Until you seek and live for the Lord, you will not be able to grow and receive all the blessings He has for you. How can a life have purpose unless it is being lived FOR the Lord? Because the Holy Spirit dwells within you, you have strength in the Lord. You can do what you know will please God.

Perhaps your husband, who claims to be a Christian, is harmful to you, and getting away from him was lead by God. I understand being scared about having to support yourself, but the spirit of fear is not of the Lord. And, the fact that he ran into the arms of another woman doesn't give you an excuse to do the same.

I suggest you and your Christian boyfriend secure living arrangements of your own, read your bibles, and seek the Lord's guidance in your lives. If you are meant to be together, then it will be so without you forcing it or rushing it. IMO, your first priority needs to be growing in the Lord, reconciling w/ your husband or securing a divorce, and putting God in the center of your relationship with the man in your life.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Huh....
The ladies before me have sound advice. I cringed a little hearing the truth put so directly. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear and doesn't always go down easily. Yet I agree.
I was married to a woman that had cheated for 5 years (I didn't know until we had separated) When we were separated for a year (no chance of reconciliation) I felt it was ok to date. I met someone. It got hot and heavy way too quick. She had roomate issues so moved in with me. Long story short.... though both professing Christians we were living in sin. We got married the day the divorce was final.
This next week our divorce will be final.
Not to say it can't work but if you start out on anything less than a solid foundation you may find out your house was built on sand.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

True. That which we most cling to wil inevitably slip right thru our fingers anyways.

That which we give up will come back to us if meant to be.

That which we run from wil always stay in us, for we cannot run from oursleves.

I know its all cliche, but it's true.

Bite the bullet, go after love, INTIMACY not INTENSITY.

 

[zoila]

Take that fear of being alone and give it to God. Ask him to guide you and give you strength to do his will. Have faith that you need not fear when God is in your life he will always have your best interest at heart.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I understand your fear of being alone as I have it too.. Is there anyone who can move in with you as a roomate and help out with bills? Surround yourself with friends and family and keep busy. If you are having thoughts of your husband you need to take your time and figure out your feelings first. Would your husband be willing to go for counselling? I will pray for you to find peace in your situation.

 

[Johnnz]

It's too soon to consider a relationship. Abuse is very damaging. Get some help for that if you can, and go quietly with relationships.Long term you will gain more from that. Don't be pushed by a negative - being left alone. Instead, learn independence, self confidence and the security of God's amazing love for you.

John
NZ

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Wow. Are you involved with a Bible-believing church? How about your bf? How do two Christians end up living together with one married? It's time to get back to basics and learn what the Bible says. Get a Christian female roommate and find some counseling (low cost) through a church.

My ex was emotionally abusive to me and my son, but I'm determined not to have sex get in the way of making a good future decision on a husband. It sounds like you're seeing red flags with your current bf. Could it be you just picked someone just like your husband.