- Mar 22, 2004
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alaskamolly said:Ok...
So your situation pretty much stinks right now, that much is apparent. I don't think anyone is trying to deny that.
I guess all I was trying to say (and have heard a few other posters saying similar things) is that whining about it isn't going to help anything get any better.
I know that sounds really rude to say...maybe it is, maybe it isn't--it depends on the way I'm saying it, I guess, and you'll just have to trust me that I'm NOT saying it in a 'snotty-self-righteous' tone, but in a way kinda like, "Come on, girl, you asked for advice, so here's what we see!"
Seriously, once the whining starts, things start to go downhill. And as long as the whining lasts, things just get worse. (You probably already know that, but just in case, I'm sharing it with you). *grin*
You spoke recently about your heart getting in a knot, breathing troubles, all that, from the tension/stress. I know that one--because I do that same thing when I get really stressed. When my younger brother died, my heart was tight for days and days. But it can happen to me now, too... All it takes is me getting really really worked up about something--something that is very painful or makes me very angry.
I'm just saying that I see a common song running through all your posts about your husband/home-life lately. It is one I've sang well, personally, in the past (I title it, "The Poor Me Song"), and it's one that is sure to wreck your home if you keep on singing it.
I'm not saying that your husband isn't responsible for his end of the deal. But the fact of the matter is, you have virtually NO CONTROL over his end of the deal. That's his business--between him and God. No amount of your whining or moaning is going to change him...in fact, it likely only makes things that much worse.
No man wants a whining woman--they are repulsed by them. The more demanding we get, the more that they hate to be around us. So the approach you are taking right now is probably only driving him to avoid you more, rather than reach out to meet your needs. I know, I know, it doesn't make his reaction RIGHT, but still, that is an area that is outside of your control (something YOU cannot fix, period).
I had to go, "What can Molly fix?" And the Holy Spirit took my big long stretched-out finger (pointed right at my husband and whatever else I thought was wrong with whatever) and turned it right toward...ME.
As long as you are looking at everything else as the problem, you are not going to find any contentment. And, as an uncontented wife, you are going to be repulsive to your husband. But as a contented person, you are going to radiate an attractiveness that will (more likely than not) inspire HIM to become a better Christian, a better husband, a better father, and a better man. See 1 Peter 3 if you think I'm nutso on this one, because this was God's idea first, not mine.
So no one is trying to deny that you are in a tough situation right now. Please don't think we're making light of that--because it sure doesn't sound fun! But you asked for advice, and so don't be ticked off if a lot of women are noticing the same thing--you are looking at everything else and wanting IT to change, instead of looking at yourself and seeing what can change there.
God has big plans for your family--and that's not just a trite little statement. It's the truth. But your control over the situation is limited. You cannot control your husbands responses or reactions. You cannot presently control the fact that you have only one vehicle, or live in a dangerous part of town, or have few friends.
But you can control the way you react to it--whether or not you allow it to become a place for the enemy to come in and help you become a woman ruled by discontent, complaining and bitterness...or whether you allow it to become a place where you meet God in a whole new way, and He takes the ashpit of your circumstances and teaches you about Himself, in ways you otherwise would have never known.
I almost didn't post again on this topic, because I know you are frustrated by most of the replies, and I probably won't again, but I just wanted to try and share this with you one more time. The course you are currently taking is going to get you NOWHERE...actually, will probably just make things worse.
My situation wasn't like yours, but I have been in one similar...
We moved to a new area, had only one vehicle (which my husband took to work early in the morning and drove back late every night--long workdays!), NO money, NO friends, and one child (pregnant with #2) with me all day, no computer, no TV...and all this accompanied by a loong Northern winter with only 6 hours of daylight each day in our dingy brown apartment...
It was a really really difficult season in my life--I listened to the Christian radio station a lot, cried some, and felt really sorry for myself for about half of that year. The second half of the year, God got ahold of me and changed my whole perspective on the whole thing...got after me for my pity party (and it was a PITY PARTY!), and really dealt with me on my attitude and outlook. And the second half of that year changed my whole life. I've never been the same since.
I look back on that part of my life--dingy apartment, very little outside fellowship, no money, no vehicle to speak of, non-existant husband, and dark winter, and just praise God for it all, because He used that time to show Himself to me in ways I needed to see--in ways that are still fueling me to this day. I'd never take that stage back, painful as it was. It could have been very destructive, had I let my discontent continue...but praise God, He got ahold of me and shook some sense into me! (He's good like that, isn't He?). *grin*
Anyways, my children just got up so I gotta go!
I hope this made some sense, in one wierd way or another...
Blessings to you,
Molly
Ok I didn't have a chance to read it all but what I have read let me say I'm not whinning I just wanted to vent cus I was down sorry I want anymore cus seems that everytime I have something to vent about someone has a problem with it I just wanted to get it off my cheast I'm fine now hubby and I went out last night had a great time together and are back on good terms not that we were ever on really bad terms just alot has been going on and well more then ya'll know. I come here to post to get it out not a lecture like I said I just want vent anymore thats final. Oh and I did not take it in a snoty way and I'm not being snoty just that it seems to whom ever I vent to may it be here or on the phone except my cousin I get a long lecture and it turns around and I'm always in the wrong and hubby is always right so thats all.
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