Hmm, you seem a little...judgmental. What you're criticizing seems to be honesty. After all, we probably all have one or two things that are a real turnoff to other people, but hiding the fact that they exist doesn't change the fact that they do ...
Yeah, you have a point. Maybe that's one of the pitfalls of the online scene: that in the interest of full disclosure, you are expected to reveal all sorts of things about yourself that sound so jarring in print. Things that might not come out until later in a "regular" relationship, by which time you'd like each other well enough to deal with them.
I'm not sure I'm judgmental so much as just knowing what kind of qualities make a person capable of a relationship. Someone emotionally healthy and secure, who is well balanced and generally contented and ready to give and take in a relationship without losing himself in it or expecting me to lose myself. Is that so much to ask?
(And the other pitfall of the online scene is it sets up this feeling that you can custom-order a person like a new car or something, specifying color and options and add-ons ... )
Question for you, though, Alexei: did all the statements seem judgmental to you, or just a few of them? Or just one?
"The woman I marry ought to value purity in body and spirit, but not be frigid when we get married because then it's time to boogie."
Yup, that's one of the big pitfalls. Back in the day
, that whole "sexual frequency" discussion used to be completely tabboo until probably after the honeymoon. Couples used to just deal with their differences because it was to late to do anything else. Now, it's
expected that you'll talk about it early, maybe before you even meet in person, and if your drives don't match up, you might decide not to even bother. Are we really better off?
But yea, this thread is more about what kind of person NOT to be rather than what NOT to say. These people are just being honest, which is exactly what you ought to do in a profile.
You've hit the nail on the head. I definitely want honesty on profiles, and was glad that those particular men were forthright about what they were like and what they wanted. It helped me make more informed decisions. Still, though, I think there's a distinction between disclosure and confession. And really, some people really
do have big issues to work through before they're going to be capable of a relationship.
I'd just move right along as I wouldn't get rid of my pets for a guy.
Well, I wouldn't either, for "a guy." But for a fiance, if the ring were on my finger and wedding plans were underway ... yeah, I would. Same kind of thing as if you had a baby who turned out to be allergic to animals - what would you do, get rid of the kid?
If I met a wonderful man whose only flaw was that he was allergic to cats, and we hit it off in an amazing way, and he wanted to marry me ... I just can't see saying "No, I can't marry you, because I prefer the company of my cats for the rest of my life ... " But I do understand this line of thinking much better than I did a year ago, before I got my cats ...