For those of you who haven't been divorced, I'm curious as to why you believe your marriage has lasted. Some say common interest, while others say interests change. Some say compatibility, but how compatible equals compatible? People marry for the wrong reasons, get counseling, and then everything's fine. While there are others who marry, get counseling, and split. Is it nothing more than a desire to make things work? What do you think?
And now, the rest of the story...
That used to be the line of Paul Harvey, a famous (now deceased) radio host in the U.S. I know that one of the posters here gave you a whole litany of things to look for in a woman before marriage. Nothing wrong with that, but if you
start there, you're on the wrong track from the get go.
Let's start over. Ephesians 5 begins with an admonition (we might even say an encouragement...):
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (vs. 1-2).
Looking at things that way, it gives so much more meaning to how we, as men, are instructed later to treat our wives in marriage and takes the importance off of looking for the qualifications in a wife as a
primary goal. Certainly that will have to be a factor, but to emphasize it as primary is misguided. Later in the chapter, Paul gives general directions to husbands and wives in the home. Certain topics have been deemed off-topic in the forum, so I cannot discuss them here, however, look at Ephesians 5:21, and 25-33 for instructions to the husband. That will give you a picture for how to display your love for your (future) wife. A way that I have found to be the best marriage-preserver and crisis averter personally.
As for the Proverbs 31 Woman, certainly, this is a person who is 'domestic', but so much more. Sometimes we tend to read our 'culture' into our understanding of the bible, but we cannot do that. We need to dig into the culture and context of the time to understand who she was, and why she was "far more precious than jewels" (31:10b). From what I see, she was free to come and go, she was faithful to her husband and children, she was a provider along with her husband, and had spiritual as well as physical strength. In a Patriarchal society that may not fit our picture of a 'perfect wife', but to the writer of Proverbs:
"Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” (31:28-29).
All that to say that mutual respect, submission, and service will go far in sustaining a marriage. be responsible for your role as the husband in the marriage (first) and be sure that you find a mate who intuitively understands her responsibility as well. However, this is not your job to be "chief-judge-in charge-of-pointing-out-the-role-of-the-wife". Let God convict and correct. This is not to say that sin cannot be corrected. Obviously it must, but remember we are called to "...walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us...".
On the more practical side, another poster mentioned the work of John Gottman. Dr. Gottman has a new book out that you may find useful as well in addition to his "7 principles...". It's called "What Makes Love Last?" Excellent work based on over 40 years of clinical research, but written for the layman to understand. I highly recommend both books.
