What is your love language?

blackribbon · Jun 3, 2012

scraparcs said:
I feel like I'm trying to buy people off. When it's me it's like, don't buy me anything, just spend time with me. It's cheaper.

But it is more than cheaper...it means more to you because that is your love language. For someone else, this might feel like they didn't even give you a gift because they measure love in tangible items or by service. This is why it is important to "listen" to other people and learn to love them in their own language. It is easy to love in our own language...but it means so much more to love someone in their language.

dayhiker · Jun 3, 2012

Yes, it is important to love other people in a way they understand. That clearly pushes my comfort zone for a couple of the love languages. So when its their birthday, it is good to give them something that is in line with their love language. But when its our birthday, they should be giving something that's in line with our love language.
I'm not the best at figuring out other people's love language. So I guess I should really talk to people and ask them.

blackribbon · Jun 3, 2012

However, since very few people understand the love languages, you can't expect them to give yours...so you do have to watch and learn...if you know they love you, try to observe how they try to please you. It also helps to say outloud what youwant....however, if you read these posts you will see that people who don't have the love language of gifts, don't consider gifts important and will probably give something that doesn't quite make sense to someone who does have this language...and someone who has the language of quality time will probably still get a gift even when screaming they just want to do something together. People aren't very good at listening...they do what they feel. If they feel love in a certain way, that is the way they try to love other people. We end up with a Mars/Venus situation (though there is more to this because this is a woman/man speak issues too). However, talking is the best way....and you can asks someone "is there something you are hoping for or would you rather we do something together like go out to eat?" If they mention they would kill for a massage...then think touch or service.

dayhiker · Jun 3, 2012

agree

aloou · Jun 3, 2012

Quality time is #1 gifts is last.

dayhiker · Jun 4, 2012

Hi aloou, welcome to CF and mature singles.

Ya, quality time is up there on my list as well.

memoriesbymichelle · Jun 4, 2012

Welcome Aloou!

And to blackribbon, I agree listening is key...if only I could get people to listen to me LOL

dayhiker · Jun 4, 2012

I agree, Michelle, people don't listen ...

My ex GF used to say she knew me. Of course, she did in many ways. But then I think about some of her comments and actions and I think there are parts of my life that she didn't have a clue about. Now we talked about every day and were together almost every weekend for over 4 yrs. If she didn't get all of me, how can I expect a person I meet for a few hours each week or month to have me figured out?!

memoriesbymichelle · Jun 5, 2012

forgetting about the quiz which I'm not sure if I agree with or not, here is what I perceive to be my love language

1. I enjoy being thought of. Like the other night at bible study to my surprise my friends knew my birthday was coming up this week so they got me a cake and we celebrated. It was wonderful to be remembered and thought of, so that is really key with me.

2. Spending time with me. If you like me, show me by spending time with me. And in that spending time with me, do things that you think I would like to do. Or just hang out with me, just because.

3. give me gifts that I like. Put some thought into it or just give me cash . It's not the amount, but whether you really think I would want it or not that matters. And I say cash because I always need that, and I would rather have that, then something I didn't really want, just because you felt you needed to give me a gift.

4. call me, write me, keep in touch. If I am important to you, show it by calling or keeping in touch now and then.

That's all I can think of for now.

Niels · Jun 5, 2012

Quality time and words of affirmation are at the top of my list.

sampa · Jun 25, 2012

8 Words of Affirmation 7 Quality Time

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) · Oct 7, 2017

10 Physical Touch
9 Words of Affirmation

Servant68 · Oct 8, 2017

Bortsss said:
10 Physical Touch
9 Words of Affirmation

Zombie thread!

And mine are the same...

Sir Robbins · Oct 21, 2017

I receive through quality time, I give through quality time.... I just don't like the idea of gifts and due to medical issues, acts of service are often out of the equation. I've gone years without so much as a hug so I don't even remember what it's like to be touched and whether or not I'd be comfortable with it. I am terrible with words and what people say to me just goes out the other ear

miss-a · Dec 24, 2017

It was super interesting to do the quiz. My top two were Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service, and they were only one point apart. I like people to be nice. So it makes sense that I am most comfortable when they are saying and doing nice things.

Northbrook · Aug 9, 2018

Words of Affirmation, hands down. The last time I fell in love, the man I loved told me to watch for a letter. He said he had hand-carried it to the post office in my town. WELL, the next day, while I was waiting for the mail, all I could think about was, "Is it the 'I love you' letter? Is he going to tell me 'I love you' in the letter?" And that day, while I was waiting for the mail, WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

AnnaDeborah · Aug 9, 2018

I tried the quiz but I found it quite hard because I appreciate different things from different people. I guess it is helpful to couples as you can just think about your partner, but for me, when they were asking which I preferred, I was thinking 'who from?' Thinking of 'someone I love' that would be one of my 5 closest friends or my godchildren and what would be most meaningful would be different from each one.

blackribbon · Aug 10, 2018

AnnaDeborah said:
I tried the quiz but I found it quite hard because I appreciate different things from different people. I guess it is helpful to couples as you can just think about your partner, but for me, when they were asking which I preferred, I was thinking 'who from?' Thinking of 'someone I love' that would be one of my 5 closest friends or my godchildren and what would be most meaningful would be different from each one.

The love languages do apply to family members and friends. It isn't about sexual love. The first book was aimed at couples because it was intended to improve marriages. He has since wrote version for other situations. You can do the test with substituting your friends in place of your partner. I know a close woman friend who always is giving hugs and the best way you can meet her love needs is a hug. She also knows it isn't my primary language and she always asks me before giving a hug. Knowing her language and mine means I can feel the genuine love that comes from her hugs and I can offer hugs when she is feeling down. This is very different from being hugged by a stranger as a greeting to church. (Churches that hug as greetings actually make me feel less loved because they are showing a lack of respect for my need for physical boundaries with strangers and I start the service feeling very uncomfortable and not welcome).

sunshineforJesus · Aug 11, 2018

Words of encouragement and quality time

AnnaDeborah · Aug 11, 2018

blackribbon said:
The love languages do apply to family members and friends. It isn't about sexual love. The first book was aimed at couples because it was intended to improve marriages. He has since wrote version for other situations. You can do the test with substituting your friends in place of your partner.

Sorry, I didn't explain myself very well. Yes, I did understand it is for family and friends, but the problem I found is that I relate to different friends in different ways. So for example, with one of my friends, I am very huggy, with another, I just don't do hugs. I have 3 friends who are equally close, but I relate to each one differently, so when I was asked a question, the answer often varied depending on which friend I was thinking of, if that makes sense! Quality time came out top, which I think would be accurate for most of my relationships, but the rest was a bit of a muddle!

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