What is wrong with me????

[cantstopsinning]

I'm 43, have the best wife and children, successful at work, respected at church, but feel so ashamed of who I am when no one else is looking or around. I feel isolated and alone with no strong Christian men in my life to ask me the hard questions.

I struggle with porn, have weeks free of it, but then succumb to the trash. I've all but given up on trying to do anything about it. I've prayed so many prayers, shared with other people about it in the past and now it's just that thing, that sinful part of me that gets what it wants, and it is disgusting to me.

I had some bisexual experiences when I was in private school, 30 years ago. And that has messed me up a bit. No, I don't want a relationship with another guy, but I watch women doing anal porn, and I know it is just wrong.

But I just don't know what to do about it. I'm very sincere when I ask God to give me the strength, and then I fail. Yes, very familiar with Romans 7 thank you. Sometimes just wish there was another guy that knew everything about me and accepted me for who I am, I think some of that stuff would lose its power over me.

 

[Criada]

I have faced a similar situation, brother... and accountability is really the strongest weapon against it.
There is a Men Pornography Addiction forum here at CF, where you will find others facing the same thing, and will find support and advice.
Praying for you

 

[anonym00s]

.... Sometimes just wish there was another guy that knew everything about me and accepted me for who I am, I think some of that stuff would lose its power over me.

I totally agree. Hard to find trustworthy people though.

"A talebearer reveals secrets,
But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter."
Proverbs 11:13

 

[in His shadow]

I would start going to a Bible teaching church and join the mens group for the accountability and fellowship.

I don't have a large enough post count to post links, look up x3watch on google. It's a great resource!

God bless

 

[guiltyinatl]

I have the same problem and I am a woman. I love my husband, I am happy with our sex life but I struggle with porn and thoughts of having sex with women and couples. Before we got married, I acted on it and I knew it was wrong. The whole time I was thinking, "what am I doing? Help me God please." I totally understand your pain.