what is wrong with me?

[fdx298648]

I have a huge that problem that i cant seem to over come right now. Yes, i will be the first to admit that it is my fault but i still really need prayers and advice. here is my story more or less in a nutshell:
I met and married my husband at age 18. i had my first child at 20 and my third at 23. after my son (last child) was born i learned my husband had cheated on me. our relationship was never the same. We tried all kinds of seminars, counseling, everything, but ended up getting divorced. weird thing is we are now good friends. I met someone shortly after my divorce that i thought was Gods gift to me. I threw my whole life out for this man. I did everything for him!!! we had some great times. He asked me i wanted to get married and really thought i did, so i agreed. However, he has a slightly -what i think is wrong- view of marriage. He thinks we only need to come together in prayer before God asking GOd to see us as married and thats it. we are now married. I dont know about that. what really makes a person married? the pastor? the laws? the marriage certificate? anyways, he took a job that was about 2 hours away and asked me to go with him. I said yes and ended up moving in with him -yes another HUGE mistake. This move took place about a year ago. Once we started living together things went sour. He called me all kinds of names, had anger like ive never seen before and had a porn addiction. I could not do anything about it i just retreated into myself. never telling anyone about our problems. about 2 months ago i met a man at work that has kids from a previous marriage. we hit it off extraordinarily well. we have seen each other a few times the past few months. Last sunday (easter) i finally told my boyfriend about this other man. of course he kicked me out and told me it was over. Well, for the past week he has been calling me all the time telling me that me leaving was his wake up call and that he has and will change. he is going to counseling and talking one on one with his pastor. he says he really wants us to work out our problems. spend a few months apart and come back together and try to work on our relationship. But, on the other hand this other guy is telling me all the things i want to hear, plus my kids LOVE his kids. my kids have never liked my ex boyfriend. He was always to harsh with them and mean. This i know is a terrible thing to be confused about, but i do not know which way to turn. Do i try to work things out or give up? is he really changed or not? please give any advice i need it all right now!!!!!
Thank you!!

 

[BrBob]

Plain talk.

You don't need to be with either one of them right now. It sounds to me like the best thing you could do is go to God and repent of the whole living together thing and set yourself and your little family up on your own. You are jumping from one frying pan into another without knowing who you are.

Take your relationships to the Lord and place them before him. Talk to both of the men and tell them you are not seeing anyone for a while and then live up to that statement. Take some time, allow the Lord to work on you, just you. (Well, and the kids of course.)

Pray about your relationships before you make committments. I'm talking about even dating! Dating is a committment in that you are telling the man you are possibly interested in a permanent relationship. I've taught my daughters that dating someone just for the fun of it is putting themselves into the place where they are dating someone else's future husband. If you want to get to know someone a little better spend some group time with him. Find a group of people that will keep you accountable so that nothing inappropriate happens with someone else's future husband.

You can do it. It just takes some work. Yes, work. Relationships take work and getting along with yourself is a situation that takes work.

Hang in there. You're young and life is coming at you very quickly. Get to know yourself and God and only then, look for a husband

God Bless
Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[fulltime]

My advice would be to ask him to seek a personel counselor and work on the areas that have had conflict in. Then I would do the dating thing with no commitments and seek marriage counseling together. If he is still interested he will do what you have askede him to do. That would still give him a chance.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I like what BrBob has to say! You should like you're rushing from one relationship to another and not finding yourself. Take some time to yourself and discover who you are and what you would like in a partner. Pray and seek counselling if you need some help in finding these things. When we are lonely in our hearts we sometimes overlook big signs in front of us warning us that our relationships are unhealthy. If we rush into relationships without finding ourselves first how can we allow another person to get to know us? We can't. It's also good for your kids to see you happy without a relationship. This will show them that they don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I also want to tell you to be careful with introducing your kids to men you are dating. It's a scary world out there and it's hard to let go of someone when our kids are attached to them. Get to know them deeply first and introduce them when you know that it's serious and hopefully a permenant relationship. I say this only because I care and I have gone through it myself.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'll second the advice to not bring the kids into a dating relationship until you're headed towards marriage. It would probably be a good idea to get some counseling for yourself.

 

[overit]

Yeah what they said. Do you realize what your kids are goign through by jumping from man to man like that? No offense, I'm a single mom also but PLEASE learn how to live without a man or relationship and build yourself and your children up. Once you are whole again, have been able to handle your life withOUT a relationship for a minimum of a year, then maybe you can start looking. And do NOT introduce the kids to him or his family if he has any until it is VERY serious.

I'm not being rude or mean but what you are doing right now seems it would be EXTREMELY harmful to your kids!

 

[snowflake04]

i say forget about that guy you were living with, and by the way we are to "render unto caesar what is caesar's" and that includes a legal marriage. After one divorce you should just set your standards soo high, porn addictions and things like that dont just go away, neither do anger problems. possibly with God they could but what his relationship with God like? does he actually act like a christian for the most part?

 

[fdx298648]

i need your help with this issue....i am apparantly at the stage of grief right now because all i have been doing for 2 days is crying about my ex. I hurt him so badly as well did he, but i just feel terrible for some reason. I am so sad about the thought of him never being a part of my life again. how do you deal with this kind of pain?

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Pray and allow yourself time to heal.