What is wrong here?

[tyberium]

Well here is a little history. I have been dating this girl since August 2004, so about 4 months. We are both christians and attend church together when our schedules match up. We love each other and have voiced our feelings openly.

So here is the problem. She keeps talking about how life will be for me when we break up. I have told her that I have no intention of leaving her and that I seriously would marry her, but right now it is just not possible. This is my first relationship, but it isnot hers. She keeps talking about her past relationships like she is ashamed of them. We are both virgins.

Also she seems obligated to tell be about every encounter she has with the opposite sex. I have told her that I have 100% confidence in her and that I trust her. I dont know what to do but it is getting on my nerves.

Do yall think I am not telling her I love her enough? Should I call her more often? We never go more than one day without a phone call, and we see each other every couple days. We are both full time students, but I am the only one with a full time job. I work between 40-50 hours a week and do not have much free time.

Also when we are at a resturant, if the waitress does not understand what she says, or if she gets confused, my GF thinks that the waitress does not like her. Is this a self-confidence issue?

Also I dont want to sound insensitive, but she was born in Porto Rico. Does not being born in the states, or not being white instill this type of behavior in a person.

Please help me understand what I need to do to help her. I want this relationship to work out, but I am stuck. Thank you for your thoughts in advance and I promise that you wont offend me so be honest.

 

[unjustwar]

maybe she has a very big problem with self image and self confidence. don't call her more often. just shower her with your love and compliments. She seems like a very good girl. maybe she feels like she needs to earn your trust still or what not. Sit her down and talk about this issue.

 

[LiberatedChick]

It does sound like a self confidence thing. I don't think you need to phone her or see her more than you do but maybe talk to her when you see her next. Ask her if something has happened in the past (either during your relationship with her or during her previous relationships) that make her feel as though you don't or shouldn't trust her. It may be that in a past relationship the guy she was with wasn't trusting and wanted to know about every encounter she had with guys. It may be a habit now or she thinks all guys don't trust her. Or it could be that she is just lacking so much in self confidence that doesn't believe you could possibly trust her even though you say you do. I think you need to have a talk with her.

 

[bliz]

This is not about you... or the waitresses... or where she was born. This is about her pychological make-up which includes self image, self confidence, selfworth, but also her spiritual life and how she thinks God perceives her and feels about her.

You cannot fix this for her. No matter how much you love her, and tell her that you do, it will not change anything until she herself comes to believe that she is a prson of value and worth. The causes are of long standing, and they could be major or minor but she could probably use some counseling to help her out and get her on the road to healing. In the meantime, take the relationship slow!!

 

[tyberium]

Hey thanks for the advice. I am gonna see her tonight and spend some time with her family. I will keep praying and I know it will work out. Thanks for the support.

 

[Johnnz]

Some people have been deeply hurt as a child and that makes it difficult for them to accept the good things about themselves. With some people telling them you love them is a bit like pouring water into a sieve.

John
NZ

 

[Christ Aficionado]

Also when we are at a resturant, if the waitress does not understand what she says, or if she gets confused, my GF thinks that the waitress does not like her. Is this a self-confidence issue?

Also I dont want to sound insensitive, but she was born in Porto Rico. Does not being born in the states, or not being white instill this type of behavior in a person.

So are you saying she has a heavy accent? Does she speak and understand English well? If she doesn't, then I think if she took some English classes it would definitely boost her self confidence, and make her more comfortable in those restaurant types of situations.

 

[Lbiagm]

I will pray for ya I think it is a self confidence issue.

 

[mostie]

If she mentions every encounter with the opposite sex, it sounds like a self-confidence thing- almost like a 'see, others think im attractive too' type thing---self-image building up, perhaps? Sometimes, all you can do is understand that and let them talk- although I know it can get irritating at times---usually, I think that a person seems to outgrow that once they are truly confident in their relationship--we women are odd at times, lol~~

 

[tyberium]

So are you saying she has a heavy accent? Does she speak and understand English well? If she doesn't, then I think if she took some English classes it would definitely boost her self confidence, and make her more comfortable in those restaurant types of situations.

Not a thick accent, but there is one and that might have something to do with it.

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers. I spent tonight with her and her family and it was great. Happy New Year to everyone and thankyou again. God Bless you all.

 

[IslandBreeze]

You cannot fix this for her. No matter how much you love her, and tell her that you do, it will not change anything until she herself comes to believe that she is a prson of value and worth. The causes are of long standing, and they could be major or minor but she could probably use some counseling to help her out and get her on the road to healing. In the meantime, take the relationship slow!!

I agree and want to add you should probably get out of the relationship. This girl has some serious issues and if you don't want to hear this same old story day in and day out, now's the time to get out. Unless you're prepared to hear this everyday for the rest of your life (and probably end up divorced over it), this isn't a healthy relationship for either of you. Until she can get it together and love herself, she has no right to expect anyone else to love her.