What is my problem?

[rdizzle]

Hi Everyone,

I wrote a few months back about someone I had broken up with and how her life completely changed after it. Well since then, I haven't talked to her or anything, but I still can't forgive myself for how I treated her and not being there when she needed me. I know that we would still be together if I was there by her side like I should had. I really have no excuse other than I was confused. Well now I am seeing someone else, but I still can't get over making my last relationship fail. I know there is no way I can get back with her nor do I want to. The problem is that I still think of how happy I was with her and I pray I could rewind time and try again. I just can't understand how I could had done this to her and myself. Just hearing someone say her name just breaks my heart. My love and happiness with her was something I had never experienced. I had never had anyone care for me as much as she did. I feel like I can never love or have that much joy again. At the same time I feel like I don't deserve it. The girl I am seeing now is great, she is exactly like someone I would want to be with, but I don't feel anything. It feels like I can't experience life because I think about I had and what could had been. I just want to know what my problem is or if this is normal. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[lunalinda]

Well, it sounds to me like there wasn't proper closure from that first relationship. Sometimes that happens when a relationship doesn't quite end with both people "agreeing" on it. Of course, this is just a guess, and I don't know of the details of your breakup with the first girl, like whether or not you two discussed the situation and reached a mutual decision to end things.

But I didn't get that impression while reading your post (correct me if I'm wrong!) I know if I broke up with someone, and I didn't want to, I can be haunted by what might have been, what should have been, what I could have done differently, etc etc, much like you are thinking. And I would think like that ESPECIALLY after a breakup with someone that I didn't want to break up with, but had no choice but to have it done.

It's lack of a decent closure, and I for one think it's perfectly normal, but quite annoying. That's why I hate hate HATE breakups that don't involve the two people discussing issues and then making the decision. Unfortunately, no closure can persistently nag at you if you let it. I think the only way to stop it is to one either have a talk with the ex (which I don't really recommend, but it CAN work) or pray over her and leave it in the past so you can focus on your current gf. But it seems to me that you're leaning in on wanting things to be "fixed" between your ex and you, (you reminisce happy times with her instead of creating new ones with your current gf) not necessarily to be back together but just to be more peaceful. Or something.

Gah, I'm rambling now...hopefully I made some bit of sense. Good luck.

 

[Bubbles41]

Had you been 42 and not 24, I would think that you were my ex. He dumped me after barely knowing another woman. We had a very good relationship and in fact we were already talking about marriage. I knew that he knew he made a mistake because he still send me txt messages and visit my profile in a site that we both belong to even if he was already in a relationship with this other woman. Two months before he got married, he made peace with me and has shown his desire to get back with me although he lacked the courage to break up with this other woman.

We are just humans and make mistakes. However, the moment we realized our mistake we should be quick to make things right. Otherwise, we will be the one on the losing end. Let not pride or shame or anything hinder you. Be humble enough to apologize and if it is still possible, get back to her. But only if that is what you want to do. Be honest to yourself. That is the only way you'll know what your problem is. If she has moved on, then accept that and look forward to the future learning from your mistakes. Life is too short to leave everything to chance. It is like a movie that it is up for us to make a happy ending or not. Pray for guidance in everything.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

If you were 46, I would think you were my ex-bf. I don't know how his new gf cares for him, but my love and respect for him were very deep. If you wronged your ex, I think you should write her and apologize. Since you didn't give any details I really can't advise you further than that.

My ex-bf allowed the communication to remain open and I was able to get some closure that way even though there was always a trace of hope that we might be together.

 

[rdizzle]

You know that is something I always wanted was closure. Shortly after we broke up she started seeing someone else, and it really hurt. I took it really hard and I just couldn't understand how she could do that to me. So I said things I didn't mean and she in turn said somethings. So we had a horrible falling out. She said she never wanted to talk to me again and I said the same, but I didn't mean it. After that she got pregnant, so I know I can't be with her. I want to tell her everything, but I don't know if I should. Should I try to explain everything just to put closure to it, or does it even matter?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Like I said before; if you did or said things you shouldn't have (and it sounds like you're saying you have), then you should apologize.

I keep remembering something a speaker said about how we treat our fellow Christians-how we should be careful of not hurting each other.

 

[bliz]

Apologize to her and seek her forgivness. It might be best to do this in writing.

 

[Bubbles41]

You broke up with her and then when she started seeing someone you were hurt? What do you expect her to do? She has to move on. I think you regret breaking up with her. It would really help you find closure to explain everything to her. I don't blame her if she started to see another man. She must have been terribly hurt when you broke up with her. And probably even if she was not ready for another relationship it was her way of coping with the pain. Too bad that you cannot go back to her anymore. Learn from your mistake and never say things you don't mean and also don't break up a wonderful relationship just like that in the future. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[bliz]

You broke up with her and then when she started seeing someone you were hurt? What do you expect her to do? She has to move on. I think you regret breaking up with her.

What she said.

 

[Gear853]

i think it best if you try to move on. she already did...all you can do is try to leave the past as the past..

similar thing happen to me, it literally took me years to get over it. but i am better now because of it. my current love of my life know that i will treat her the best of my ability. she's truly my gift from god.