What is marriage?

[jadebullet]

Sex before a marriage ceremony really a sin, or is it sex when you are not in love with the person. I see alot of people saying that sex before marriage is horrible, but what is true marriage?

Are you saying that because my fiance and i are waiting until after we are done college to get married by the church, that we shouldn't have made love. Even though we know that we love each other and we are engaged. In my opinion we are already "married" because of the fact that we are in love and bound spiritually to each other. Just because we havent had an official ceremony doesn't mean that the bond isnt there any more than praying by yourself doesn't count unless there is a holyman there.

I believe that marriage is a spiritual binding and a sharing of love. The ceremony is just the celebration of that marriage. Sometimes it isnt as smart to get married as soon as you love each other. My fiance and i would like a nice wedding but such ceremonies cost money which we dont have. We would like to get finacially stable before we undergo such a celebration. Now we didnt just one day decide to lose our virginities and just go at it on the couch. No, instead we planned it out months ahead of time, all the while allowing our love to blossom and grow. When we made love it was an expression of the love that we had for each other, not just for pleasure.

 

[TooCurious]

Obviously, as an atheist, I don't think premarital sex is a sin, because "sin" is defiance of God's will, and I perceive no gods to defy. That said, it sounds as though you and your fiance love and respect one another a great deal, and have both given a lot of thought to all the most important aspects of your relationship, and I can't see how anyone could reasonably find fault with that. I wish you and your beloved a long and happy life together.

 

[jadebullet]

Thank you.

 

[PETE_]

what is true marriage?

leaving your father and mother and clinging only to your wife. No ceremony for the folks required.

But on the other hand Christians are to avoid even the appearence of evil. Do you introduce her as your wife? Probably not, so what appearence are you presenting?

 

[Beanieboy]

Then, we get into the matter of what constitutes sex. Some were saying that all forms of sex (manual, oral, etc.) should wait until marriage.

Ever seenThe 40 year Old Virgin?

 

[Where]

Hi there,

Yes, having premarital sex is a sin. No you are not spiritually married, and yes it is wrong to have sex just because "You are in love with someone".

You asked "what is true marraige". True marriage has a spiritual aspect but also a legal aspect as well. Spiritually speaking, married people are viewed as one entity in the eyes of God, never to be broken apart. There is no way to be married, however, if you do not go through the legal process of wherever you live. It could be a courthouse marriage or a big church marriage, that really doesn't matter. Right now, by having sex and not being married, you are enjoying the benefits of marriage without commiting to it. Either of you could walk away at any moment and be completely allowed to do so, because you are not married.

I suspect that in your heart of hearts you already know this. Perhaps you are trying to justify your sin. That is completely understandable, but still wrong.

You said "Sex before a marriage ceremony really a sin, or is it sex when you are not in love with the person".. a married man could theoretically be in love with another woman and they could have sex....that would still be sin.

Also, you said "Sometimes it isnt as smart to get married as soon as you love each other." Ask yourself then...why would it be any smarter to have sex?

I do not doubt that you and your fiance love each other very much, but to have sex you need to go about it God's way. God never intended people who are not married to have sex. Read 1 Corinthians 7...focus on the verse that says "It is better to marry than to burn with passion". There is nothing holding you back from getting married. God loves marriage, and He will be glad you marry instead of continuing in sin.

I hope this helps
-Where

 

[Chajara]

Personally, I don't think the "You could walk away at any time" reason means a thing, because you can walk away from a legal marriage at any time too. Or you can stay and have an affair just as easily. Legal stuff doesn't mean a darn thing.

I'm in the same boat as the OP. The only thing that's going to change when Trev and I legally marry is my last name and how we do our taxes. Soon as we're home from the ceremony it's business as usual.

 

[jadebullet]

It is better to marry than to burn with passionThis basically means marry so that you can have sex. It is better to marry than to be very horny and lustful.

Also marriage hasnt always been legal or even had a ceremony so what of that. Technically marriage originally consisted of a man giving a woman a bond(ring) to show that she was now his property. There would sometimes be a celebration but not always.

And also mans laws are not God's laws. We arent trying to justify anything. And i introduce her as my fiance.

 

[cantata]

I'm an evil heathen, so I don't even think you have to be in love to justify having sex. So obviously I think your situation is perfectly acceptable and even commendable, jadebullet.

 

[jayem]

It is better to marry than to burn with passionThis basically means marry so that you can have sex.

I've never quite understood that. Because really, everyone knows one sure way NOT to have sex is to be married.

Kidding aside, here's wishing you are your fiancee a long and happy life together.

 

[paperkate]

Can a couple who marries in a strictly civil ceremony be considered properly married? Can they go ahead and have sex without sin even though they didn't swear their oaths before God? They are legally married, but are they married in the eyes of God?

Or what about a couple who has a civil courthouse wedding, and a later religious 'blessing'? (I know many international couples that do this for visa reasons). At what point are they actually married - when the legal papers are signed or when they obtain God's blessing on their marriage? Can they go ahead and have sex like bunnies after the papers are signed at the courthouse, or must they wait until God has smiled upon their union?

If it all comes down to when they 'feel' married - why go through the legal process at all?

 

[.Sabre.]

Well, I don't believe in sex (as in going all the way) outside of a committed relationship, but that's my business. I expect to not be judged, so I don't judge others.

 

[paperkate]

Well, I don't believe in sex (as in going all the way) outside of a committed relationship, but that's my business. I expect to not be judged, so I don't judge others.

But what is a committed relationship? This thread is about what defines marriage - at what point is it 'ok' to consider a couple committed/married?

 

[jadebullet]

I expect to not be judged, so I don't judge others.

Im glad someone finally gets this lol. Thank you by the way. This actually made me feel better about mankind. (im really losing faith in mankind. Even more lately. At least there are some good people out there.)

 

[Where]

You wouldn't be asking this question if you had no doubts.

The verse I gave shows that sex is intended to happen inside of marriage only. Think about this....what is the only moral/important difference between a married couple and an engaged couple, or even a dating couple? The married couple can be one through having sex! That is God's design. Think very hard about it, are there any other difference other than taxes, name change, and all that. Well, there is living together...but when people who are engaged live together more often then not they are also having sex. If you don't think that sex is the difference, then why get married at all? Why not just stay engaged...why not just stay dating since there is no difference. Hopefully you see the point. God designed marriage to be special and exclusive. Sex makes it special and exclusive. If sex does not make it exclusive...then what does? It cannot be that you are "in love"...boyfriends and girlfriends are in love. But as we know, just because they have sex does not mean they are exclusive.

Thanks

 

[cantata]

Wow, so marriage really is just about sex, Where? Who knew?!

To be life-long committed to one another is what makes married couples special and exclusive, I would say.

 

[Where]

Being married=actually being commited..who knew

 

[sidhe]

What is mawwiage? Mawwiage is what bwings us togethah today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam...

Marriage is a handy way to get a tax break in the United States. It's also a good way to guarantee inheritance rights to any children, and also - in my state - the only way to get your SO covered by your health insurance.

It makes sex less fun, though. Removes the whole appeal of doing something that offends people. So you have to find things to do that people find offensive even between married couples.

 

[HuntingMan]

Marriage isnt 'about' sex. Sex belongs where God created it to be, inside a marriage covenant where it is blessed by Him.
Outside that covenant sex is sin by default.

Marriage is when a man and woman covenant themselves as husband and wife with the sincere intent that it is for life...atheist, christian or otherwise.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Hi there,

Yes, having premarital sex is a sin. No you are not spiritually married, and yes it is wrong to have sex just because "You are in love with someone".

How does one become spiritually married? Since Adam and Eve didn't have a pastor around, all it requires is God and the two people getting married.

You asked "what is true marraige". True marriage has a spiritual aspect but also a legal aspect as well.

So bad luck for Adam and Eve, never had their papers signed.

Spiritually speaking, married people are viewed as one entity in the eyes of God, never to be broken apart. There is no way to be married, however, if you do not go through the legal process of wherever you live. It could be a courthouse marriage or a big church marriage, that really doesn't matter. Right now, by having sex and not being married, you are enjoying the benefits of marriage without commiting to it. Either of you could walk away at any moment and be completely allowed to do so, because you are not married.

And they aren't allowed to get a divorce (for almost no reason what so ever) and walk away like nothing happened... and Adam and Eve weren't allowed to walk away like nothing happened?

What your doing here is you are not considering a commitment before God to have any power and as such, they can walk away without anything happening. That line of thought would work if your an atheist, but you sound like a Christian, so as a Christian, you are saying a commitment before God doesn't have any power?

I suspect that in your heart of hearts you already know this. Perhaps you are trying to justify your sin. That is completely understandable, but still wrong.

You said "Sex before a marriage ceremony really a sin, or is it sex when you are not in love with the person".. a married man could theoretically be in love with another woman and they could have sex....that would still be sin.

What about having sex with his wife whom he doesn't love? Is that not a sin?

Marriage is a union of two into one flesh, a piece of paper doesn't do that, nor does a pastor. Only God does it, and while God may do it though a piece of paper or a pastor, it is still God doing it. All you need is God, the man, and the woman (homosexual marriages are a different can of worms and not going to be handled here).

Also, you said "Sometimes it isnt as smart to get married as soon as you love each other." Ask yourself then...why would it be any smarter to have sex?

Weddings have a big cost, protected sex doesn't. Some people want to have a big wedding, but in college can not afford it. They are waiting to get out of college because they cannot pay for the wedding right now. While I have never bought pills or condoms, I pretty sure they aren't expensive, and as such, they can afford sex.

I do not doubt that you and your fiance love each other very much, but to have sex you need to go about it God's way. God never intended people who are not married to have sex. Read 1 Corinthians 7...focus on the verse that says "It is better to marry than to burn with passion". There is nothing holding you back from getting married. God loves marriage, and He will be glad you marry instead of continuing in sin.

Could they not hold a special, small ceremony and 'get married', and then a few years later have the big wedding?

In the end, it is when God considers them to be married that it is ok for them to have sex, not when man considers them to be married.

Now, after saying all that, I also realize it is important to avoid an appearance of evil, and as such, it is suggestible to have an 'off the books wedding', which at most would involve each of your immediate families. Maybe trade rings, maybe not. And by off the books, I mean a spiritual marriage ceremony which has nothing to do with the legal, and as such, you do not get a marriage permit. Then, in the future, you have the big ceremony where you get all the papers signed. Also, because of the legality of having kids, it would be suggestible to wait till the big wedding to have kids.