What is hard about submission?

[Autumnleaf]

I've been thinking about this recently and I don't understand why women have trouble with this.

As I see it, I am submissive to God by obeying the Bible. Beyond that I have to make some tough decisions which affect my family for better or worse. My wife has to let me know when I'm being stupid, other than those surprisingly regular occasions she pretty much has it good in the big decision making area. Why do so many women have trouble handing this role over to their husbands?

Is it a lack of trust in his judgement? Thinking you know better than him? Perhaps its a demand for equality if you think you are getting steamrolled by him?

If God said men should be submissive to their wives I think most men would be happy to be relieved of the responsibility. How come so many women have trouble resting in the trust of their husband's leadership?

Men and women please reply.

 

[Vicissa]

Hmmmm...that is a good question. I do have trouble in this area personally. Let me see if I can articulate what I feel. Sometimes it is hard for me to trust his judgement because he is not walking with the Lord. Even though, I have been trying harder to honor his decisions unless they go against God's Word. It's tough, but I got to start somewhere....and I know it doesn't make him feel good to know that I doubt that he is able to make a good decision for the family.

 

[firestar]

I think that among other things it can be that the husband does not show himself to be a good decision maker. I've seen that in my parents' marriage, my inlaws' marriage, my one sister's marriage and countless other couples that I know who struggle in their relationship. The pattern seems to be consistent. The husband makes rash foolish decions, expects to be respected 'cause he's "the man", and then gets upset when he's not shown respect. Seriously, when I see the majority of husbands out there and how they are- I am SO thankful for mine. He's a gem.

 

[5stringJeff]

The flip side of your question is probably also relevant: what's so hard about loving one's wife to the extent that Christ loved the church? Many husbands don't love as they ought, so many wives don't submit as they ought.

 

[cristianna]

I feel it's a combination of two things: 1) the worldly view has tampered with a woman's mind with the "equal rights" and "professional working woman" stuff. While I agree with those, I think society has taken it to the extreme. And 2) some men aren't too good with words, or are "men of few words". I think if they really took the time to compliment the wife and make her feel useful, maybe she'd be more accepting and feel as if she is needed and important. But that's just my opinion.

Personally, I don't have a hard time submitting as long as it doesn't completely contradict teachings. Even my children have referred to their father as the "big, big boss".

 

[BigNorsk]

Autumnleaf,

I don't think your idea stands up at all, for instance, every man is to submit to the Lord. Yet they struggle big time with that and really in many, many cases do not. If men don't submit to the Lord, why would they submit to a woman?

Marv

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I struggle with what some others would call biblical submission because of the way the church I attended after accepting Christ treated women and expected them to behave.

BUT, that is all how others would see me. Between my husband, God and myself I am in full submission to what they ask of me. It just may not look that way to some others.

 

[InTheFlame]

If God said men should be submissive to their wives I think most men would be happy to be relieved of the responsibility. How come so many women have trouble resting in the trust of their husband's leadership?

Hey AL,

How do you feel about this verse:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21

... and how do you put it into practice in your daily life? Do you have any trouble submitting to your fellow christians, be they male or female?

 

[bliz]

If God said men should be submissive to their wives I think most men would be happy to be relieved of the responsibility. How come so many women have trouble resting in the trust of their husband's leadership?

As In the Flame points out, this is exactly what God commands men and women to do, submit to one another.

So, how come you don't look happy, Autumleaf?

 

[bella_song]

I am not married, but I have an opinion on this that I thought I might share. A woman's first instinct is to take care of things that are not yet done or to take care of needs that are not being met. Therefore, when we see something not being done, we want to step up and take care of it right away.

Besides this, submissions is not easy for humans in general. You say that You submit to God, but do you without failing follow the ten commandments, do you tithe every week, do you love your wife as Christ loved the Church, do you pray without ceasing, do you have joy in all circumstances, are you content no matter what the situation, have you tamed your tongue, do you never look on a woman with lust, do you never complain? With the exception of Jesus, no human could possibly answer yes to all of those things. Submissions is not easy for anyone ever. Every person is selfish and desires to have their own will, without Christ and love in our lives, there would be no desire to do anything that does not benefit us.

Perhaps rather than looking at why your wife has trouble submitting, you sould look at if you are doing anything that makes it more difficult for her to submit.



*Please note that I don't mean anything that I have said as a personal attack in any way, I am just trying to point out things to help understanding and to help the situation in any way possible. I am as bad at submitting as much as anyone else could ever be.

 

[Chan1976]

I think some people just have trouble believing that there are men out there who actually believe in mutual submission (thinking that it's only the women who want it). Instead of asking what is so hard about submission, maybe some understanding is needed in that there are couples out there who jointly decide that mutual submission works the best in their marriage (and no, the guy does not have his arm twisted by his horrible feminist wife behind the scenes).

 

[Cordy]

I confess I sometimes wonder if you are seriously asking these questions, or if you are just trying to liven up the marriage ministry board.

I've been thinking about this recently and I don't understand why women have trouble with this.

I have actually wondered the same question, though about men. How come some men are so quick to point their finger and demand their wives submit, but refuse to admit that the Bible also asks them, as believers, to be submissive?

As I see it, I am submissive to God by obeying the Bible. Beyond that I have to make some tough decisions which affect my family for better or worse. My wife has to let me know when I'm being stupid, other than those surprisingly regular occasions she pretty much has it good in the big decision making area. Why do so many women have trouble handing this role over to their husbands?

Maybe it is because they don’t think it is biblical.
Where does it say that the husband is supposed to make all the tough decisions in the Bible? I haven’t found such a verse, nor has my husband.

Is it a lack of trust in his judgement? Thinking you know better than him? Perhaps its a demand for equality if you think you are getting steamrolled by him?

I don’t think my husband’s judgment is better or worse than mine. We are gifted in different areas, and we are also weak in different areas. That is what makes marriage so great. Instead of two people having to trust one mind, it is two people having access to two minds, and prayerfully seeking a unified vision from God. That is why we don’t follow the model you described.

If God said men should be submissive to their wives I think most men would be happy to be relieved of the responsibility.

You know I can’t resist … let’s break this down:

All believers are called to submit to one another. If x and y are both believers, does that mean they are both called to submit to one another? Yes.
X=husband
Y=wife
That means husband and wife are both called to submit to one another. Yes, husbands are called to submit to their wives, fellow believers.

So, why are not more men happy to be submissive to their wives? I don’t know. I do, however, find that most men I know that have a humble and submissive attitude toward their wives are often happy. Statistics demonstrate that, as well.

How come so many women have trouble resting in the trust of their husband's leadership?.

My husband and I seek to rest in the trust of God’s leadership.

 

[KJVisTruth]

The flip side of your question is probably also relevant: what's so hard about loving one's wife to the extent that Christ loved the church? Many husbands don't love as they ought, so many wives don't submit as they ought.

 

[KJVisTruth]

It was God's command that men LOVE their wives, and thats what we should examine what it really means, in a way its submitting to your wife, such as everyone submits to God. And it was God's command that women submit to their husbands, because they are the head and one of their responsibilities is to help their wives blossom. Genesis 3:16 ".....and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Most, if not all, women DESIRE to be with their husbands, to take care of, to love, and (dont flak me for this lol!) to submit. But the husband needs to love in order for the wife to desire all these things; he is the head and women are responders by nature.

*puts on flakproof suit* lol

 

[Johnnz]

Man is not the appointed leader in marriage anyway.

I suuport those marriages where both have a real say in decisions, where each is recognised for their areas of competence and wisdom, and there is a real mutuality in the relationship.

John
NZ

 

[ImaginaryVoyager]

I don't think it's a healthy thing for husbands to worry about whether or not their wives are being submissive. I know, I went this route for close to a decade, and it was miserable for both me and my wife.

I think our efforts are much more fruitful if we concentrate on how we are treating our wives. I think in the vast majority of cases, our marriages will improve if we put the needs of our wives up front every once in awhile.

I'm not sure about the Greek of this word, but I don't like the modern-day connotation of 'submission'. The late Dr. J Vernon McGee talked about it as being more of a term of responsiveness--as in the wife is being told to respond in kind to the love a husband is (supposed to be) giving her. This makes much more sense to me.

 

[Katakalupto]

I have no problem being submissive to my husband. I wasn't always this way. The world teaches women when they are but children that they are equal to men. Anything a boy can do, a girl can do too. While it may be true that women can do everything that men can, that doesn't mean we should.

For me to submit to my husband is for me to willingly follow my husband's leadership in Christ. If my husband were to try and force, or convince me to submit to him, I probably wouldn't find submission to be easy to do. While I have freedom in Christ, in that there is no difference between male and female in regards to salvation, I choose to submit to the leadership of my husband.

My purpose in living isn't to satisfy my own wants, but what God wants for me. Believing that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, I feel that there was a purpose for Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
If this is what God requests of a Christian wife, then I will do it. I may not always want to submit to my husband, but I have learned that in submitting to his role in our family I have been truly blessed.

 

[Yitzchak]

What is hard about submission?


I've been thinking about this recently and I don't understand why women have trouble with this.

As I see it, I am submissive to God by obeying the Bible. Beyond that I have to make some tough decisions which affect my family for better or worse. My wife has to let me know when I'm being stupid, other than those surprisingly regular occasions she pretty much has it good in the big decision making area. Why do so many women have trouble handing this role over to their husbands?

Is it a lack of trust in his judgement? Thinking you know better than him? Perhaps its a demand for equality if you think you are getting steamrolled by him?

If God said men should be submissive to their wives I think most men would be happy to be relieved of the responsibility. How come so many women have trouble resting in the trust of their husband's leadership?

Men and women please reply.

I think that the issue is control.

In 1st Samuel there is a passage about King Saul refusing to do what The Lord told him. In the one verse it says " Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. "... If you think about it, what is witchcraft really. it is someone trying to control spiritual forces without submitting their will to God. It is a control issue taken to an extreme in the spiritual realm.

Rebellion has the same root problem. It often manifests in physical and emotional ways that are obvious to us but there is a spiritual component behind it. It is us trying to take control of a situation and rejecting the God given authority in the situation.

I think in this way control and rebeliion are really just manifestations of the same spiritual problem. Controling leaders are rebellious at their core.

The ironic thing is many women who object to a controling husband are guilty of the very same sin of being controling. They just manifest it in a more subtle way. The result is a power struggle.

So my answer to the question of what is so hard about submission. It means we have to give up our control issues and trust God. Very few men and very few women are willing to do that.

Let me ask this question... How many husbands are willing to just pray and not pressure their rebellious and controling wife at all ?

I think there are times in life when a limited amount of controling behavior is appropriate. For example , I would be dissappointed if the police came to arrest a criminal who was attacking me and decided they did not want to be a control freak so they should just let him commit the crime if they wanted. Or if I see out of control children , I look to their parents and wonder why are they not controling their children's behavior.

We are speaking about the issue of human authority. I have some doubt as to whether or not a grown woman needs to submit to her husband to the same extreme that a criminal needs to submit to law enforcement or a child to their parents. I think the biblical submission in the case of a wife and her husband is a cooperative attitude instead of a controling attitude on the part of both spouses.

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

I'm not married, but submission is a thing I've thought a lot about. I've been trying to figure out what that even means.

But for me, it seems like a complete reversal of what women (and everyone) have been taught to be. For example, in American culture we are beaten to death with this idea of complete independence. Financial independence, independence from family, emotional independence ("you should be content being single/you shouldn't marry young, but instead "find yourself"), etc etc. We are being prepared for singleness, not family life. When I graduate from college, I'm completely on my own. I must be completely self-reliant, I must make all the decisions about my money, where to live, where to work, what church I go to, and all other important decisions. If I decide to get married one day, to properly submit I'm expected to hand over the deciding authority for all of these things. I will struggle, after all.. its my life, its my money, its my future. I've been trained my whole life to take charge of these things, and I won't easily give them up. We have a hard enough time submitting to God, who is the one who made us stewards of these things in the first place. As we all know, nothing in life is certain.. how am I supposed to feel comfortable submitting to a man then, completely fallible and corrupt?

Men, imagine this.. You are asked to give over all authority, all security, even areas that you know you are more than competent in, to a human.. Irresponsible, corrupt and mistaken as they have a tendency to be. It's a terrifying thought.

 

[rainbowpromise]

I've been thinking about this recently and I don't understand why women have trouble with this.

As I see it, I am submissive to God by obeying the Bible. Beyond that I have to make some tough decisions which affect my family for better or worse. My wife has to let me know when I'm being stupid, other than those surprisingly regular occasions she pretty much has it good in the big decision making area. Why do so many women have trouble handing this role over to their husbands?

Is it a lack of trust in his judgement? Thinking you know better than him? Perhaps its a demand for equality if you think you are getting steamrolled by him?

If God said men should be submissive to their wives I think most men would be happy to be relieved of the responsibility. How come so many women have trouble resting in the trust of their husband's leadership?

Men and women please reply.

Wow! That's a big one for me.

I come from a single family = MOM IN CHARGE However my mom was never any good at making decisions so quite often as the oldest child, I "helped" her make decisions. She listened to me quite often, so I grew up being "in charge" of things.

DH comes from a two parent family except his dad was in the war and came back a different man. = MOM IN CHARGE

Now, fast forward to my own marriage. My husband and I own a business equally. He makes all business decisions and treats me as a worker. Albeit a worker that can't be fired. His stress level is at max. If I try to give him household decisions he stresses out. So I have worked it out.
Business and financial matters = DAD IN CHARGE
Household and children matters = MOM IN CHARGE

I run certain things by him just to confirm, but I have found that even that tends to overload him. I fully trust his judgment. I sometimes check to make sure I am not steamrolling him because I am the stronger personality in our relationship.