All good suggestions. I would like the spirit of the Bible to be lived out where focus is on things like helping the poor and ill rather than who is having sex with who and how it is an abomination.
Wow that's an interesting comment to make. Let me point out that what the Bible says about specific acts of sexual immorality is "let it not be mentioned once among you, as is becoming to Saints." I really am no Greek expert here, but my own impression of this passage, combined with life experience, tells me that dwelling on these things from the pulpit will do more to arouse interest than it will to promote Holiness.
You have raised an incredibly important topic, that I sometimes refer to as 'a car battery needing both a positive and a negative connection to work.' The car battery is the source of power that gets it started, which I am using as an analogy of the Holy Spirit's acceptance of us and then His Presence in our lives, enabling the type of thing you value here to be done in a way that brings forth fruit unto God. The "negative connection" is what we
don't do, as a manifestation of character the Lord works in our life. The "positive connection" is those things we do instead, and like a car battery, connect the positive terminal first
I hope that might make sense to you? Sorry it's sort of a guy thing I'm using as an example, but it is pretty simple. (Hey, no jokes about that please

)
I think I would be a bit harsh to say my Pastor dismisses reason, because that isn't quite the same. I guess it is that He holds the Bible as infallible and fairly literalistic and therefore making it hard for science and reason to be given a good say in doctrine.
I think this is semantics more than anything, but I want to make sure that you realize that Christian doctrine and science don't conflict, except in the rare instances of miracles, and the biggie of our Faith is the Resurrection. Not only past-tense of Jesus, but future tense of "the general Resurrection." This really is the
bedrock of the Faith! Scripture calls it "a stone of stumbling and Rock of offence." There's no shame in stumbling, but a good woman will get up again even if she falls 7 times, in the same day.
Literal interpretation is a different subject entirely! You are definitely at the age to be inquiring. "The Faith of Abraham" definitely involves "leaving the land of your Fathers," and if you look at the significance of such a statement in that day and age, it is EXTREME. I place importance on this because it is very much my experience that I had to reject literally everything I had been taught growing up, and start new with God. I encourage it! I have found Him Gracious and approachable, and more than ready to answer questions from a sincere heart.
The depth of meaning hidden within the OT stories is ... unimaginable? So much that whether they have any historical element or not doesn't even matter anymore, in light of "what the Spirit says to the Churches." (That would be YOU, btw)
Also though I need help with my faith I wouldn't be comfortable telling him about my doubts, as I was always one of the ones who would have been considered one of the strongest Christians teens in the church and I worked for the church for a year, so it would sort of feel like I fell when I was doing so well. I feel much more able to tell random people about my doubt than people in my home town.
Well this forum certainly serves it's purpose! And I trust that like me, being forced to put your thoughts in writing and then actually
read them is a huge step all by itself! And then when people like me come along that pull no punches, we can be challenged in aspects of our thinking we never considered. (I love it when that happens!)
So I need to make a strong point. The "calling of the Gospel" is ALWAYS presented in Scripture as 'staying in your current station in life,' so the testimony of whatever changes the Spirit works in you is clearly seen as part of the community. This builds the Faith of EVERYONE. I will conclude that this means your childhood Pastor would benefit from knowing all this, and you will also (painfully) benefit from confiding in him about all this. I DO realize how difficult and incredibly awkward this suggestion is!
Are you willing to consider how it could contribute to your general maturity, and also to your Spiritual growth?
Are you willing to consider how this would contribute to the Faith of your childhood Pastor?!? Ok, it might rock his sensibilities for a minute, but you might be surprised at how much he takes it all in stride or even suspected it.
Guaranteed if he has even an ounce of the Holy Spirit, he would be greatly re-assured to see you come back and tell the tale of examining the foundation of the Faith, seeing yourself fall short, and finding meaning by searching for yourself. Even if there might be some minor doctrinal differences.
In fact I
will go so far as to say that discussing those differences (that no doubt you will find for yourself as you search) will be GOOD for him, because it will force him to recognize the greatness of God moreso than he has already.
If you can't recognize it, the kind of thing I'm describing here is, Love in action. Difficult to be sure, but incredibly rewarding!
No, but some saints and founders of other religions perhaps might be comparable.
This is too important to let slide. Who is actually comparable on equal footing with Jesus? Who else has an empty tomb? What is the significance of His Resurrection? You need to pursue great questions more than you need somebody else's answers, but here is relevant Scripture:
"declared [to be] the Son of God with power, according to the spirit of holiness, by the resurrection from the dead:" This is from the very beginning of the book of Romans, which is undoubtedly Paul's last and best writing.
Have you ever really digested this one phrase?
I have thought about the reason for my fall a number of times before I think I have come up with a number of reasons that all helped to lead to it. Obviously there is critical assessment of my former doctrine and the realisation that I had believed a lie so easily in the past for a while (I was anti-evolution for a few weeks after reading a book) and so I could easily be wrong about anything.
There is actually some health in your statement here! Humility is good, and God honors it. That is a strong statement that you believed a lie, but your current bias will serve you well throughout your school years. FWIW, there are always details any science will have wrong, but knowing that will not help you in school unless you are the one to make a groundbreaking discovery.
Also I was soon to be moving away from home and so all restrictions were to be gone. As well as this I had no real medium term plan for the first time and so had nothing to focus my mind upon other than the reasonableness of my faith and quite specifically my ethics. I became more accepting of what I once called sin and so, though I don't like to think about it, I am fully aware that the reason I might not sense God any more if because I am not prepared to do whatever God would have me do, if such a God exists.
This is a frank realization, and please recognize that I (and no doubt many other posters) have gone through something similar enough to know exactly what you mean. Right about now the reminder that God is greater than sin and conquered it via a frail and very mortal human being should help you. The Power of forgiveness is ... precious. No you are not "too far gone." Remember the parable of the 99 sheep?
Even though we're on opposite sides of the pond our societies are both quite different from anything in Biblical times. Even in Jesus' day, there was still no such thing as a woman or even an attractive young girl who wasn't married or spoken for via an arranged marriage to occur in the future. So His comment about looking lustfully = adultery really would be literal, but today the implications are quite different. Nobody has their Father hooking us up with a hottie we can enjoy without restraint as soon as the hormones start kicking in, and we look at even the suggestion as being perverse. (I mean
can you imagine?)
I have no pat answers or trite sayings to make what many people find to be the most difficult aspect of life (and Faith) easy. What I will point out is the benefit of you making
Peace with God! You know that Peace has been disturbed, and you have at least some concrete behaviors or at least thought patterns that you know contribute to that dilemma.
And you find them enjoyable. Do you know what that makes you?
Human.
Don't turn your back on God because of this. He Loves you like no one else ever can or will. He not only knows about your humanity, He
created it.
No I don't know His solution for you, but I know that short-term as well as mid-term part of it includes "keeping a short list" with God, in terms of confession of sin. If you truly can't bring your heart to a condition of repentance, well - He knows that so don't try to hide it!

Asking for help becomes an obvious step. Even King David talked about "sins of his youth," and remember, God Himself called David "a man after His own heart."
We call Jesus "Savior" for a reason, and it is time for you to become more familiar with that side of who He is.
I know this backs up the Christian idea that sin causes the unbeliever to be unable to see God, but I am just being honest. I think my doubt and open-mindedness in ethics have played off each other into an unstoppable snowball. I hope that isn't too much of an essay.
Essay? I'm more long winded than you, and as concise as I can be. These are important issues, at a critical juncture in your life!
2 concepts you need to confront here are that sin separated us from God in the OT, (Isaiah 59:2) and this snowball is NOT unstoppable, (Romans 8:38) because God is greater, and hasn't even turned against you.
I find the martyrdom of the Apostles interesting and compelling, though not totally convincing. To be honest I don't know enough on the subject to be able to answer my own last questions about it, such as, is it possible that the original Apostles were not martyred, or if they were then it wasn't for the belief that they had all seen Jesus resurrected?
Again I will help you refine your own questions in such a way that you might
find your own answers more readily, because it is not my Faith you need, but your own. Why did early Churches value "relics" of the Saints? Body fragments were not seen as morose, but as a reminder that even martyrdom did not take precious people away from the Church. Consider why that view so foreign to us now, would be so mainstream then.
And no one really "
saw Jesus resurrected," they merely saw Him alive after he had been dead for 3 days. What they all SAW was His ascension! Don't forget that often neglected aspect of the Gospel! Look at this contrast between these two events, and consider "what the Spirit is saying" via these actions!!!
Is it possible that the disciples preached the message of Jesus, but not that they had seen him raised from the dead.
Nope
Want a longer version?

Doubting Thomas didn't believe because He touched the Lord's wounds as he requested. He believed for the same reason Peter did; (and was sur-named) he received the revelation that Jesus is "the Christ," and put that together with the OT Promises. (You can tell by Thomas' words) THAT is the Rock that this Ray is on! Thomas also went on to do something no other Apostle did, which was found a Church in a foreign land,
all by himself. He went to India, and the Churches in that huge region are
still alive and well. We know they all preached the Resurrection as eye witnesses because every Church ever established conveys that message.
Hang in there!