What is Christian marriage?

[ZiSunka]

What does it mean to be married, for a Christian?

I'm engaged and preparing to be married, and I want to know what being married means.

No catholic church doctrine, please, only Biblical doctrine. We are not catholic.

 

[LouisBooth]

Well marriage in its simpliest form one man, one women, one flesh, for life. Those are the biblical 4 princibles to marrage..what are you looking for?

 

[ZiSunka]

So, marriage is simply having a life-long sex partner?

 

[LouisBooth]

in the simpliest terms kind of. Note how it says one women (only ie your whole life) and one man (same point). This is the biblical convenant of marrage. If you want more depth we can do that..lets check out ephisians chapter 5...good stuff...rememeber context also. summation: wives submit to your husbands as the church does to Christ and husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and be ready to give up EVERYTING for her as Christ did for the church.

 

[LouisBooth]

ahh..you also have to remember in biblical terms sex is much more then a physical act..ie the one flesh thing. Check out gen 2:24 and check the hebrew for one flesh and see what we find.

 

[seebs]

Lambslove, I would recommend that you at least *LOOK* at the Catholic teachings too; while they may not be correct, they may have a lot of good insights. Marriage is a social construct, too - and you need to take the social implications into account, because they'll affect your relationship, whether you want to or not. Social interpretation of "marriage" has changed a lot over the last two thousand years, as have the various teachings and interpretations of them.

The church has always existed within the context of a society - and some of the understandings of marriage vary from one society to another.

In the eyes of God, marriage has to do with joining as one. In the eyes of your neighbors, there may be implications of whose job it is to take out the trash. Don't ignore the neighbors - if nothing else, you should be sure what their thoughts will be, so you know what you will run into if you present a relationship that isn't what they expect, for some reason. The exact social norms will vary a lot... take them into account, because if you don't do it consciously, you'll do it unconsciously, and it will surprise you.

 

[LouisBooth]

"The church has always existed within the context of a society - and some of the understandings of marriage vary from one society to another. "

Not too sure about that biblically.....

 

[seebs]

I'm pretty sure about it; look at the differences between OT and NT teachings of marriage, or Christ's speech in Matthew 19. We are *always* adding bits of our own culture to the underlying core components of marriage - and this isn't necessarily a bad or unacceptable thing.

A lot of social rules are like which side of the road you drive on; it doesn't matter that much what the rule is, as long as everyone agrees.

Some social rules, I think, are genuinely wrong, and others are genuinely right. However... you still always end up needing to take into account what you've been raised to expect. People who grow up with arranged marriage seem to be happy with it. People who don't grow up with it would likely be *miserable* in such a relationship.

Some of my friends have what are generally called non-traditional relationships; one of my friends put her husband through school for a few years, and now he's putting her through school. During the first part of that, a lot of people would have said "this is wrong, the husband should support the wife"... but I have never in my life seen a marriage more obviously blessed by God.

If nothing else, it's very important that you talk these things over; if one of you believes that the husband is necessarily an absolute authority, and the other believes that he is merely the leader by default, and should defer to the wife in her areas of expertise, you have a *BIG* problem... better to discuss it now.

I'm not saying "if you don't agree on everything, break off the engagement". My wife and I don't agree on everything, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.

 

[WayneH]

In the eyes of God, marriage has to do with joining as one. In the eyes of your neighbors, there may be implications of whose job it is to take out the trash. Don't ignore the neighbors - if nothing else, you should be sure what their thoughts will be, so you know what you will run into if you present a relationship that isn't what they expect, for some reason. The exact social norms will vary a lot... take them into account, because if you don't do it consciously, you'll do it unconsciously, and it will surprise you.

EXCUSE ME.......... but why is it any business of the NEIGHBORS who takes ut trash or who supports who or anything to do with someone ELSES MArriage??? I agree with parts of what you are saying - but just because a wife helps her husband go to school doesn't mean she isn't submissive or he isn't the leader of that household.. it just means she is helping him.. I could care less what MY neighbors think or do - My house is My house.. I answer to GOD... and HE Alone.........

A Marriage - should be based ob Biblical principles - and should be a two way street - a give and take thing - but in all things - the Man is the head of the Household and should take the lead and be the Spiritual leader... There is always a problem now and then - but the main thing to do is PRAY and work on things.. Let God lead the marriage..

 

[seebs]

It matters what your neigbors think because Christians are told to avoid even the *appearence* of evil.

 

[VOW]

THIS is what marriage is, to me:

First Corinthians, Chapter Thirteen

1 If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
2 And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith as to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated,
5 it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
6 it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.
9 For we know partially and we prophesy partially,
10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became grown, I put aside childish things.
12 At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present, I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
13 So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[Nilhil Obstat]

I agree with VOW.

 

[ZiSunka]

But that same passage applies to non-martial relationships, too, doesn't it?

To say that that is all there is to Christian marriage is to fail to make any distinction between marriage and friendship.

 

[VOW]

To Lambslove:

My point is this: the best marriage will be between friends. You're right Chapter 13 of First Corinthians describes friendship. But if all those components are NOT within a marriage as well, you're asking for trouble. I've heard that particular passage read at marriage ceremonies, and everyone puddles up.

The love story in Tobit, and the recitation of Tobiah on his wedding night to Sarah, his wife, is wonderful:

Tobiah 8: 5-7

Blessed are you, O God of our fathers;
praised be your name forever and ever.
Let the heavens and all your creation
praise you forever.
You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve
to be his help and support;
and from these two the human race descended.
You said, "It is not good for the man to be alone;
let us make him a partner like himself."
Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine
not because of lust,
but for a noble purpose.
Call down your mercy on me and on her,
and allow us to live together to a happy old age.

Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[seebs]

You've been married a long time, VOW, haven't you?

 

[VOW]

To seebs:

Yeah....LOL

The end of this month is my 28th wedding anniversary!

(and I haven't killed him yet!)


Peace,
~VOW

 

[ZiSunka]

Hmm, but there is more to Christian marriage than secular marriage, right?

It isn't just mushy love and sex to we who belong to the Lord, is it?

 

[VOW]

To Lambslove:

The Catholic Church considers marriage to be so important, it's a sacrament, like Baptism or Communion. From a historical standpoint, Luther is the one who considered it to be more of a secular contract. In fact, in Germany today, a couple is married TWICE: once at City Hall, the second time in a Church.

In the Old Testament, and in many ancient societies, the woman was considered to be property. A man, and his family, acquired the woman, her lands, and her dowry, to increase his wealth. She was a brood sow, good for producing babies, and hopefully an heir. (that's what got Henry VIII in so much trouble with the Catholic Church...none of his wives would accommodate his need for a son!)

The Jewish faith puts more value on a woman than just chattel, in that the lineage is passed down through the mother. The man is still head of the family, but a child acquires his "Jewishness" through his mother. It wasn't until New Testament times, though, that marriage was seen more as a union between partners. A man was still considered to be the head of the family (Paul makes that clear!) but there is a spiritual quality in the relationship beyond the contract to produce heirs and acquire property.

The Christian Church is described as the "Bride of Christ." Jesus is not complete, not fulfilled, unless He has His Church, His Body of believers. And we all know of the love that Jesus has for everyone, He demonstrated that love on Calvary. He put the Body of Christ and its needs above His own wants, and completely sacrificed His life for the people.

The love that Jesus has for His Bride, the Body of Christ, is the example that a husband is given to follow. And the wife is to support and nourish the husband, as he is the Head of the Body, such as Jesus is the Head of His Church.

The two become one.

I can certainly see why the Catholic Church considers marriage to be a Sacrament!


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[ZiSunka]

It's all rhetoric, vow.

I already know the whole marriage allusion in the Bible.

That doesn't answer my question, especially since I specificaly asked that catholic doctrine NOT be a part of this dsicussion.

I was hoping that someone would know what makes a marriage different from a deep friendship, and what makes Christian marriage different from non-christian marriage.

What is special about marriage between two Christians? What roles do each of the partners play in the life of the family? What is the point of getting married, instead of just living together?

It looks like there is no difference. It's all just a piece of paper legalizing sex.

 

[VOW]

To Lambslove:

I gave my OPINION, and I pointed out why it coincided with the Catholic teaching.

Rhetoric? Not if you live it. I married my best friend. And I had the example of my parents, who were friends as well as partners. They celebrated their fifty-second anniversary the month before my mother died. And I'd say my experience of almost twenty-eight years of marriage is testimony that I may know SOMETHING of the topic.

Rhetoric. I guess the whole Bible is rhetoric, depending upon how you view it.


You seem to be looking for something nobody can provide, Lambslove. You sure you WANT to get married?


Peace,
~VOW