What is a "date"?

[catofhope]

I have heard others here say they have never or have rarely had a date.
And nowadays with the internet and meeting people thru that - what is a "date"?

I have had a couple long distance relationships.
So traditional "dates" never happened.
I think you actually can get to know another better or certainly as well as traditional dating.

I have always said a dating relationship should be about getting to know the other person not trying to excite them thru physical contact.

So WHAT IS A DATE?

I say anytime you spend time together whether in person or thru some other means.
This could include the phone, posting on a board in same threads, PMing, IMing, or private chat box.

 

[christcentered]

I agree that a date can be via different mediums. Getting to know someone is paramount & when you're separated by distance it can help open up different avenues for communication. That's a good thing. You can be creative & learn how to express in different ways. Also good things. I sometimes wonder if couples in close proximity to one another having trouble communicating might not benefit from sitting across town or even in different rooms under the same roof exchanging emails just to change it up a bit. Hey....what would be wrong with setting a date with your significant other where one stays at home & the other goes to the local cyber cafe t o chat for a bit? Could be fun & open up possibilities. Maybe take down some barriers.

Communication skills fall under the "biggie" category, especially when looking at the possibility of a genuine, lasting relationship. That's a big part of what makes everything tick. People communicate differently though. What's your language? Touch? Words of affirmation? Quality time? Acts of service? Gifts? It's important to know.

I recently told a friend, from this man's perspective it takes patience, practice and a desire to want to communicate. Then we still botch it up, lol.

But that's what dates are all about, right? Getting to know one another & that comes through different kinds of communication. All of the written communications are great. They are. There are things you pick up on over the phone and in person that are different than writing though. Of course. A look that says 1,000 words. A touch that says 1,000 words. Little things in the voice when you're talking.

I've also had a few long distance relationships where traditional dating wasn't exactly possible. But long, wonderful hours sharing on the phone and writing were fantastic. They were definitely dates.

 

[BoazB]

I know of people meeting on the internet, but can one really communicate using SMS's and emails with as much communication, then speaking face to face? There is tone of voice and all sorts of things involved.

 

[christcentered]

I know of people meeting on the internet, but can one really communicate using SMS's and emails with as much communication, then speaking face to face? There is tone of voice and all sorts of things involved.

You can share about anything in life. As far as communication goes, the medium doesn't matter. It's all about honesty and being genuine. That's how it is for me anyway. I get a lot out of written, phone, and face-to-face communication. It takes two though. Sometimes there's more room for mis-communication face-to-face. Sometimes there's more room for mis-communication writing. I've experienced both. Depends on the individuals.

 

[BoazB]

I suppose you are right. We can communicate, but I was thinking of the finer details. I know of someone whose SMS's are non-understandable. You have to keep on phoning up to find out what is meant.


There are also some things that depend very much on the tone of voice like, "I was just freaked out, that's all"
If they were face to face they might be crying it, shouting it... they may even be throwing things at you.
also "I'm not happy". (Sorry. These are maybe not good examples, but they are things that have you wondering what their reaction would be if they were face to face... like if you look up, see a facial expression and ask, "What's wrong?"

Another thing I find difficult about text media is sometimes, because it costs money each time, the messages are short, and times when on a phone, one would say, "Mm" or "Yup" on a phone, you don't hear those notes of approval or dissapproval.

I admire you guys who are into this stuff, but good ol' face to face is wonderful for me.

 

[BouncedBack]

I think you actually can get to know another better or certainly as well as traditional dating.

I don't know about that. You can get to know about everything they TELL you to know about them. But you can't see how they treat the elderly, children, waitstaff, and clerks. That right there will tell you more than 100 conversations.

It's all about honesty and being genuine. That's how it is for me anyway.

I know people who honestly believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that they show others no matter who they are, the utmost respect. When in fact they are downright rude to some folks for no apparent reason. If they told you the were kind to strangers and nice to others, they would be honest and genuine, from their perspective.

 

[BouncedBack]

I say anytime you spend time together whether in person or thru some other means.
This could include the phone, posting on a board in same threads, PMing, IMing, or private chat box.

I don't agree with that either. To me, that would equate someone coming to my office and talking to me for a few minutes in private (PMing, IMing, or private chat box) or joining in a public conversation (posting on a board in same threads) as dating. Even if it is a on a personal level, even a "getting to know you" level, don't new friends talk on a getting to know you level, without it being a date?


I'm not trying to be argumentative with you, my opinion just varies from yours. I hope you don't take this as anything but that.

 

[catofhope]

I hear you but I think the opportune word was COULD.

This could include the phone, posting on a board in same threads, PMing, IMing, or private chat box.

 

[PassionateOne]

interesting thread. Well, since I've been 'actively' dating the past year. (sigh ..... and I don't mean that in a good way)

I, absolutely HATE, HATE, HATE dating!!!! But, I guess it's a way to get to know each other and decide if you want to continue anything further. Oh, and did I mention that I hate dating?

Since, I'm a mom and work.....I don't have alot of time to get out to 'run into' people. And I just moved to AZ (well, 3 years ago) but I still don't have a ton of friends to meet guys, so, I've resorted to 'online dating'.....and may I say, "blah!"
I don't know? I think I just need to have a feeling that this person is right for me and I like to 'hang out'.

 

[catofhope]

PassionateOne,

Did you say you did not like dating?

I guess it is a necessary evil if you want to find someone.

Or should we go back to arranged marriages????

 

[BouncedBack]

I hear you but I think the opportune word was COULD.

Why................how dare you go back and edit your post to add that word! There is no way I could have missed that! You are trying to make me look bad aren't you?



You're absolutely right, thanks for pointing that out.


PS: I just had to beat everyone to the punch ~ ME-"You are trying to make me look bad aren't you?" EVERYONE-"You don't need any help".

 

[BouncedBack]

Or should we go back to arranged marriages????

Well actually I am a big fan of arranged marriages...























....as long as I can do the arranging!







OK OK, I'll leave part to God.

 

[catofhope]

....as long as I can do the arranging!

For yourself or for your daughter?

 

[PastorMikeJ]

a date a fruit that grows on date palms...

 

[BouncedBack]

For yourself or for your daughter?

Oh man don't even make me think about it. I just about fell out of my chair. I'm dizzy, my knees are wobbly and I'm sweating now.

 

[catofhope]

Oh man don't even make me think about it. I just about fell out of my chair. I'm dizzy, my knees are wobbly and I'm sweating now.

She's a cutey, dad.
They are all going to be after her.

 

[BouncedBack]

She's a cutey, dad.
They are all going to be after her.

Thanks! I'm very proud of her.

Yeah, somebody told me that with a boy, you have to worry about one boy. With a girl, you have to worry about every boy! I had never thought about it like that.

 

[PassionateOne]

PassionateOne,

Did you say you did not like dating?

I guess it is a necessary evil if you want to find someone.

Oops!! Did I say I HATED dating out loud?

And, yes, I guess that 'chore' needs to be done, in order to get to know someone....(sigh).

 

[OhhJim]

I'm a results-oriented person. I've had much better results meeting people in person, than using any other method.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Sorry, in my experience you don't really know much about someone until after you meet them in person. You can begin to know some things, but I've had great email conversations with someone only to wonder if I had been emailing a totally different person once we met in real life. Once you've met in real life the learning can certainly deepen through other forms of communication, but that's a huge leap after being together in the same room.

And I don't think that a quick real life meeting is the way to go in some cases. There have been many times that emails told me all I wanted to know.