what is a bethrothal?

[faithandglory]

can anyone help me understand what a bethrothal is and how it works. even if it is still an excepted practice today. i tried to google it and i really got no where.

can someone help me understand it? plz...

 

[Redguard]

I think the word you're looking for is "Betrothal".

Betrothal is a formal state of engagement to be married. Historically betrothal was a formal contract, blessed or officiated by a religious authority. Betrothal is no longer common beyond some Arab cultures, and in Judaism. In Jewish weddings the betrothal is called קידושין (in modern Hebrew, קידושי&#1501 and is part of the Jewish wedding ceremony.
Typical steps of a betrothal were:

• Selection of the bride
  • usually done by the couple's families with bride and groom having little or no input
  • this is no longer practiced except in some cultures with old-fashioned traditions (i.e. Saudi Arabia), and most of these have a requirement that the bride be allowed at least veto power
• Negotiation of bride price or dowry
  • in modern practice these have been reduced to the symbolic engagement ring
• Blessing by clergy
• Exchange of Vows and Signing of Contracts
  • often one of these is omitted
• Celebration

The exact duration of a betrothal varies according to culture and the participants’ needs and wishes. For adults, it may be anywhere from several hours (when the betrothal is incorporated into the wedding day itself) to a period of several years. A year and a day are common in neo-pagan groups today. In the case of child marriage, betrothal might last from infancy until the age of marriage.
The responsibilities and privileges of betrothal vary. In most cultures, the betrothed couple is expected to spend much time together, learning about each other. In some historical cultures (including colonial North America), the betrothal was essentially a trial marriage, with marriage only being required in cases of conception of a child. In almost all cultures there is a loosening of restrictions against physical contact between partners, even in cultures which would normally otherwise have strong prohibitions against it. The betrothal period was also considered to be a preparatory time, in which the groom would build a house, start a business or otherwise prove his readiness to enter adult society.
A betrothal is considered to be a 'semi-binding' contract. Normal reasons for invalidation of a betrothal include:

• revelation of a prior commitment or marriage,
• evidence of infidelity,
• failure to conceive (in 'trial marriage' cultures),
• failure of either party to meet the financial and property stipulations of the betrothal contract.

Normally a betrothal can also be broken at the behest of either party, though some financial penalty (such as forfeit of the bride price) usually will apply.

 

[faithandglory]

letme ask you this can you still get bethrothed in these days?

 

[Redguard]

I think that, nowadays, they're known as "arranged marriages".

 

[Leanna]

No you can't, unless you are from a non American culture that still does that kind of thing. Its a mostly dead piece of culture, much like dowrys and arranged marriages and the rest mentioned. Most of the time American couples who use the word just want an excuse to have sex before marriage, so they call themselves betrothed.

 

[oliveplants]

In my simple mind, it's just another word for engaged.
Guess there may be more to it than that, but that's how I see it.

 

[cobweb]

From what I have read, the Orthodox Church practices betrothal, but I don't think it is in the traditional sense of arranged marriage. It is some sort of ceremony before the wedding ceremony.

I don't know much about it. You could probably ask in TAW if you wanted to know their views on betrothal.

 

[Leanna]

Well that's been my experience with people who have been "betrothed." Courting is not the same thing to me or in my experience.... courting is not betrothal.

 

[Southern Cross]

I'm fairly involved in the wedding industry and I've seen lots of interesting arrangements. I work with people from all walks of life and all cultures, including those coming in from overseas. We also have a very culturally diverse population here. Granted, I'm not an expert in relationships or all possible variants of courtship regarding marriage, but I'm pretty well versed. Betrothal is not something I've heard of outside of certain ultra conservative sects. Although it's not a dead form of commitment, for all intents and purposes it's dead in modern America only because it's so far out of the norm that very, very few people will know what betrothal really is.

I've got to agree with Leanna... some people have a false impression of betrothal = freedom to have sex before marriage. That's the only time I've heard the word used.

 

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

Interesting. I like the word "betrothed" and thought it was just a promise to marry someone. So I've called my fiance my "betrothed" but wow.. I guess, to deter people from thinking we may be having sex or something, I may stop that. Maybe.

 

[faithandglory]

and it is quite wrong to suggest it merely a way to have sex before marriage. Many who practice betrothal would be offended by blanket statements and quite rightly.

I think that i agree with professormom with this one. the reason I began to search it out is because i heard that is was a way to have sex without actually being married. but something about this seemed fishy so i thought i would seek out some other wisdom.

thanks!!!

 

[BigNorsk]

Betrothal is something that due to translations and changes in English we can get into problems understanding.

Betrothal simply means to be promised to marry. The English word for betrothal doesn't occur in scripture, it is used in various places by various translations to try and give the meaning of various Hebrew and Greek terms.

Usually, we look to Mary and Joseph as the prime example of being betrothed in the Bible. Promised to each other, living together, but not yet having sex.

So let's look at the word translated "espoused" in the KJV, "betrothed" in some other translations, and "engaged" in others and I think the NIV calls it "pledged to be married." All those different renderings should be a clue that we don't have an exact equivalent, the translators are trying to give you the most important or the majority of the meaning but you really can't get it one for one into English.

Matthew 1:18 NASB+ Now1161 the birth1078 of Jesus2424 Christ5547 was as follows3779 : when His mother3384 Mary3137 had been betrothed3423 to Joseph2501 , before4250 they came4905 together4905 she was found2147 to be with child1722 *1064 by the Holy40 Spirit4151 .

From Strong's
G3423
μνηστεύω
mnēsteuō
mnace-tyoo'-o
From a derivative of G3415; to give a souvenir (engagement present), that is, betroth: - espouse.

So the word literally means to have given a present. Now why would that be important? The exchange of a present is to give something of value and it is what is commonly done in a binding contract. If you have signed a contract lately it probably had in there some sort of this like "In exchange for $1.00 and other valuable considerations." By giving something of legal financial value it becomes a binding contract really a bit more than a promise since it has intrinsic value.

Mary and Joseph's betrothal or engagement was a bit more than just a promise to each other, it was a binding contract sealed with the giving of something of value. That's why breaking it required a divorce.

We see the same thing in the tradition of the engagement ring, but our society has not deemed it to be as binding as it once was. It is not that long ago where someone who was engaged could sue and receive additional compensation from the party that broke the engagement. Or even that they could sue someone else for being the cause of the engagement being broken. But that has faded and now it is pretty well assumed that an engaged couple is free to break the engagement and go on their way. About the only damages to which one is entitled now is that according to custom if the woman breaks the engagement she should give back the ring and if the man breaks the engagement she is free to keep the ring.

In our culture, engagement is followed by the wedding ceremony. But in the culture of Joseph and Mary, the ceremonies were done around the betrothal. They didn't have a ceremony to get married at the end of their betrothal, they consumated the marriage through sex.

Jewish customs really are more clear on this than the hodge podge culture we have. They say there are three ways to marry, by contract, by exchange of gifts, or by sexual intercourse. Usually all three are involved, but any one is sufficient to have a valid marriage. While not authoritative, we see from their oral tradition how they understood marriage and so it gives us understanding on what was happening that wasn't always spelled out in the Bible. I think it is interesting that Jewish customs really give marriage the benefit of the doubt, when you might be in doubt, you are married. Whereas our customs tend to go the other way, if you haven't done everything correctly you aren't "really" married.

So that's a lot of dancing around. The danger is that people take the words of translations and take their current understanding of that word as a perfect rendition of what the scriptures teach. So you end up with people who are engaged and they read that Mary and Joseph were engaged and they were obviously free to have sex when it was mutually acceptable and they jump to the conclusion that it's perfectly okay to have sex today when engaged. That's not really true because engagement does not protect the other person to the full extant that a marriage does, hence it is wrong to put the other at risk by having sex while engaged.

In Mary and Joseph's time a couple who were betrothed or engaged were not put at risk by having sex. They were already in the situation where they couldn't break the agreement without a divorce, and the very act of sex was the act of marriage. Conditions that do not exist in the engagement of today.

That's a lot of running in circles, but I hope it helps you understand.

Marv

 

[Leanna]

Have you studied cultures and sub-cultures, or have any knowledge of sociology?

Since you asked, yes I do have knowledge of sociology. I also have quite a bit of ministry experience, ironically it lead to my statements on betrothals and what they mean in modern American culture. That is why I specifically said "Unless you are from a non American culture that still..."