What ifs ...

[HeKnowsMyName]

Is this thinking normal? I honestly have no desire to date anyone and really don't know where I could fit anyone in my schedule. But I find myself thinking what if ... when I see someone of interest. Am I missing a desire that I might possibly have? At times I've become obsessed with this thinking and I get frustrated with myself. At other times I feel sorry for myself and feel like I stick out like - see the SINGLE freak. lol The only thing I can come up with is that I'm trying to 'find' myself and where I fit in into this single life.

 

[Sandradee0303]

I am not truly single yet as I am still only separated. But, I know the feeling of having NO desire to date. I think my marriage has done so much damage to my self-esteem and trust that it will be a very long time.

No desire to reconcile NONE, and no desire for any relationship. I think we need to let ourselves to completely heal so that when/if the Lord puts a new love in our life we can love them fully---without crippling baggage!

God's will be done in your life

 

[FaithPrevails]

I didn't date for almost a full two years after my divorce. Then, the handful of dates I did have were so disappointing that I purposefully gave up the dating scene. My priorities were my relationship with God, me, and my kids. I would get the longing to date once in a while when I saw someone attractive to me (either through looks and/or personality). But, I just didn't want to muck up the good things I had going and wasn't going to subject my kids to a revolving door of dating attempts. So, why bother?

I still held firmly to that mindset the night that I met my now-husband. He will tell you that getting me to talk to him that night was near impossible. I just wasn't interested in dating and definitely wasn't putting out an "interested" vibe. lol But, he persisted and we are both glad he did. So, I feel like God will let a single parent (or even just a single person) *know* when it's the right time to date someone. I often wish I would have listened for that knowledge the first time around, but then I wouldn't have my beautiful kiddos from my first marriage.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Thanks for your response. I just wonder if it's normal to have part of your mind go in one direction (the what if's) but the other part (the one that KNOWS you aren't ready) go in another direction. When I first separated with ex, I KNEW I didn't want to get involved with anyone ever again. And even though I still feel that way, I find my mind wandering in other directions. I tell you I am warped.

And another thought that keeps coming to me. They say the first person you date after a divorce is never 'the' one, so why bother? lol I can't imagine going through person after person trying to find the right one.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I didn't want to date until my kids were grown and gone...and now, here I am having more kids. lol

I do think it's very natural for our brains to ponder on what could have been, what could be...all the what if's.

It could just be that it is too soon for you to consider a serious relationship, rather than that you will never be involved with anyone again. So, maybe it's your hearts way of telling you to keep the option open, but that it isn't your priority/focus right now. KWIM?

 

[Sandradee0303]

What does KWIM mean?

 

[FaithPrevails]

KWIM = know what I mean

 

[Sandradee0303]

OH!!! Thanks

 

[FaithPrevails]

Sure thing

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Thanks Faith! Perhaps you have figured it out. lol

 

[FaithPrevails]

I don't know about all that. I can only share what my experiences have been. If they help you, then that's awesome!