What if?

[Spunkn]

Well...there are varying degrees of normal......

 

[anewday]

I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. I struggle with loneliness already. I do fill my life with friends and things I love to do so I try to focus on what I have and leave the rest to God.

 

[Nanopants]

Wow. This topic really hits a raw nerve doesn't it? That's pretty much the sum of my opinion on the subject. Some people need love in their lives, some people don't, but nobody needs anyone parading around making people with needs feel worse just because they have those needs. And, yes, I am fully aware that I do parade around making people feel worse, but it's for making people feel worse for not measuring up to your standards. IOW you won't catch me giving the homeless at a soup kitchen a hard time (to those wonderful critics of mine)

There's a lot of examples in scripture, actually, where God met the needs of needy people like Hannah and Naomi just to name two. Imagine how those stories would have played out if some of today's Christians had played a part. Would those women have been admonished for their lack of strength? Would they have been criticized for not letting God be their all-in-all? They weren't criticized in scripture, and they were comforted and rewarded by God.

It's a touchy subject. People get hurt. Why bother judging people with needs except to build your self esteem at their expense?

 

[Calvinator]

So this is something that I've been challenged with in the past. I know this isn't an easy or fun thing to think about, but I think it's something that those of us who are Christians need to grapple with.

The reality is that lasting joy comes from Jesus Christ, but it seems like it comes up so often in this forum that people are so often depressed because they are single and that if they could just get into that relationship or that marriage, they would be happy. This isn't to say that you can't experience joy in being married, but it's not a lasting joy that comes from Christ.

So now for the question: What if it was God's plan for you to remain single for the rest of your life? Would it be unjust or unfair for Him to do that in your mind? Would it shake your faith? Would you be angry with God?

I think the way we answer these questions says a lot about what the foundation of our faith in God is. It's a good thing to examine and re-examine in ourselves over time .

I don't think that at all, and I don't think any one of us can set the precedent and thus ourselves up as Judge.

I met a woman who lost her son in an automobile accident. Was that God's plan for her son? For her? Can we make judgement calls on her foundation with God and her faith if she felt it was unjust or unfair, or if she was angry at God or her faith was shaken?

I don't think it's wise to do that. I know some Christians have done it with me - you get the questions about church attendance and if you really were right with God. It's actually extremely assuming and hurtful.

Remember Job.

 

[Sketcher]

So now for the question: What if it was God's plan for you to remain single for the rest of your life? Would it be unjust or unfair for Him to do that in your mind? Would it shake your faith? Would you be angry with God?

I've been angry with God before, even in this area of my life before. I have learned how unjustified that was, and I have made it a point to avoid that in the trials I have had since. I hope I don't go there again, it's not worth it. If God made it plain to me that it was his will that I be single for the rest of my life, I would be disappointed and saddened, but I like to think that my faith would not be shaken. After all, who God is, and what Jesus has done for me does not depend on whether or not he wills me to be happily married. And if I'm not going to be happily married, I don't want to be married at all. There are some people who might be able to have some success for a while outside of God's will in this or that. When it comes to relationships, I cannot. A lot of secular people who are like me personalitywise get divorced. I would rather remain single than go through that. While I would not be happy with such a revelation, I would comfort myself that this is better than the alternative.

 

[Paulie079]

I get what you're saying, but it can be really tough sometimes when you feel like "the less" kind of person. This is something I know I personally have to pray about quite often.

I'm just thinking out loud again here, but I think at some level, singleness is just one of those things in life that we have to navigate through one day at a time. God created us to be relational beings, and when the world was without sin, the only thing that wasn't good was that man was alone (as Sharon pointed out). So it seems as though the majority of us were created to be in an intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex, and in a culture where the average age of newlyweds continues to go up, being an adult and not being married can be a struggle and that isn't wrong.

A conclusion that some friends of mine and I came up with when talking about this subject was that we don't need to content in our singleness, we need to be content in Christ. Even though we are single, there is so much that good that God has showered us with, and there is so much bad that He has protected us from. In some ways, salvation has done both. We experience the forgiveness, mercy, grace, and joy of God while being continually redeemed from the evil that is in us.
I think it's possible to find your joy in Christ and to trust God's plan for your love life while still looking and hoping for a spouse. I compare it to unemployment. You just have to trust God and know He has a plan for you financially, but you're still not going to look for a job and be unsettled in that regard until you do. When it comes to singleness, you can remain unsettled in your singleness until you find a spouse, but don't let it become a grounds for impatience or thinking that your life has no purpose because you aren't a husband, father, wife, or mother. Also don't let it become a grounds for becoming so wrapped up in the fact that you are single that you miss all the other good things God has done for you. Let the desire to be a spouse and/or a parent drive you to your knees that God would mold make you into a godly spouse/parent. Use it as motivation to want to become a better person.

It's cool that we have this subforum because it gives us the means to talk out our frustrations and walk with each other through this murky part of life called singleness. This thread is great because it shows that we don't have everything figured out, but we can be encouraged in knowing that we have a God that does have everything figured out.

 

[Paulie079]

I don't think that at all, and I don't think any one of us can set the precedent and thus ourselves up as Judge.

I met a woman who lost her son in an automobile accident. Was that God's plan for her son? For her? Can we make judgement calls on her foundation with God and her faith if she felt it was unjust or unfair, or if she was angry at God or her faith was shaken?

I don't think it's wise to do that. I know some Christians have done it with me - you get the questions about church attendance and if you really were right with God. It's actually extremely assuming and hurtful.

Remember Job.

I think if one's faith is contingent on them getting everything that they want in life, then the foundation is really weak. Many things happen in the world and in our lives that we do not understand, but that's why we call it faith. I think that singleness and losing someone seemingly early to death are very different things, though. But either way, I think ultimately as people work through the trials and struggles of life, if their hope and their joy is centered in Jesus Christ, nothing should ultimately take their faith away. If their faith is built upon things in life going the way they want them to go, though, then they'll likely have several reasons throughout their life to lose faith.

Anyone that makes any kind of assertion, though, that tragedy and disappointment in life come on the shoulders of wrongdoing on your part, they haven't read their Bible in awhile.

 

[Nanopants]

Maybe the foundation is weak in that case, maybe not. I think that people are more or less very similar, we just have different situations in life, everyone has a breaking point and maybe most haven't been there yet. Calvinator made good point in saying remember Job. Job was said to have been a very righteous man. Even the most spiritual among us have a limit.

 

[Blank123]

.

 

[fdsfndls]

to the poster (whoever it was) who said it was better for people to remain single - if you look at what Paul said in context - it was a time of persecution for the church. people were losing everything, including their lives.
and why would he require all bishops and decons (the overseers of the church) to be the husband of only one wife with a proven track record of a christian/functional family 1 tim 3:5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he take care of God's church?
if it was a 'higher' calling or made you a superior christian, why were the patriachs married. what would happen to christians in general.

like someone said - God himself said - it is not good for man to be alone. he created male and female to bond and become 'one'. marriage is a fulfillment of that.

we're created with this urge naturally. the devil comes to rob, kill and destroy. God might have another purpose for you, but I believe you'd know if he did. Paul said 'I wish you were all like me' (or something to that effect) - that tells me that he had a gift for being single, ie it didn't worry or get him down.

I believe that if we're called to be single, God tells us. Outside of that, like any trial - it's something we work through. He might ask it. In 'Gods Smuggler' - the guy who had a ministry going into dangerous countries and smuggling bibles to christians being persecuted - God told him he wanted him to be single.
The man said it was too hard and took a wife. From what I could read in the book, his wife had a terrible (from my perspective) time of it. Who knows how much it injured the effectiveness of his calling, too.
I believe sacrifice can be called for - but God is for us.

I believe that if we make God Lord of this area of our life, we can expect his will to be done in it.
I've struggled and stumbled in this area - but what can you do.

 

[Niels]

We live in a fallen world. If the Bible is correct about original sin, then what's "just and fair" is to say that we deserve death (separation from God). Everything that's good is a blessing. A gift. Although I'd like to find a legitimately good match, I try not to let the lack thereof distract me from the other blessings in my life. As Strider mentioned, we aren't entitled to a spouse. Those who find one don't deserve love any more than those who remain single. This isn't to say that I think it's somehow wrong to desire functional and fulfilling romantic love, just that it's a blessing rather than a guarantee. I've emphasized the functional and fulfilling aspect because the dysfunctional and unfulfilling version of love strikes me as more of a curse than a blessing. If I never marry, then I'll probably figure that the right kind of woman for me wasn't a viable option, and God saved me from a fate worse than singleness. Although I suppose God directs the big picture, I wouldn't call this fallen age the best of all possible worlds. There's too much death, destruction, disease etc. We should be thankful for what blessings we have, change what we can for the better, and not let what we can't change drag us down.

 

[fdsfndls]

PS. Before I read this thread, I opened a fortune cookie to get some inspiration. (Divination is a sin - ie trying to get spiritual revelation from a source other then God - but God can use something that the devil meant for harm, and I prayed over this box.) It's been pretty much spot on ever since.
Anyway -
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence - and the rest is sure.
I believe that that's often what we're handed in this area in this church. God loves us - therefore he wants us to live happily ever after.
A spouse is an automatic part of that contract.
So we just 'leave it in his hands' and expect a fairy godmother. So much suffering goes on in christian marriages that's swept under the carpet.
We can't ask God to be God and then ignore him. We can't expect to be blessed over and above what we deserve. Nor that others sins won't affect us. Who are we and what is God really going to give us if we ask.
I know the plans I have for you - that was given to Israel - what are Gods plans for us?


(you hear that preached all the time in the church, but God had other plans for israel at other times - it's relative. )



you'd think God was the wizard of oz the way he's packaged and sold to consumers sometimes.

 

[fdsfndls]

Is 62:4
No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married.


(it's obviously a good thing)

 

[Calvinator]

I think if one's faith is contingent on them getting everything that they want in life, then the foundation is really weak. Many things happen in the world and in our lives that we do not understand, but that's why we call it faith. I think that singleness and losing someone seemingly early to death are very different things, though. But either way, I think ultimately as people work through the trials and struggles of life, if their hope and their joy is centered in Jesus Christ, nothing should ultimately take their faith away. If their faith is built upon things in life going the way they want them to go, though, then they'll likely have several reasons throughout their life to lose faith.

Anyone that makes any kind of assertion, though, that tragedy and disappointment in life come on the shoulders of wrongdoing on your part, they haven't read their Bible in awhile.

But you are changing the subject of the discussion. First you said this

So now for the question: What if it was God's plan for you to remain single for the rest of your life? Would it be unjust or unfair for Him to do that in your mind? Would it shake your faith? Would you be angry with God?

I think the way we answer these questions says a lot about what the foundation of our faith in God is. It's a good thing to examine and re-examine in ourselves over time .

And now it's all about total rejection because someone doesn't get what they want in life? (ie: "faith is contingent on getting what they want in life")

People walk away and come back, you know. You remember the story of the Prodigal Son? Think about the Elder Brother's attitude when his younger brother came back. Compare it to the Fathers. World's apart man, worlds apart.

 

[MrMoe]

Yeah, I can deal with being single all my life. I'm not entitled to a spouse. But I have asked God for one, and He told me that I will have what I asked for.

^This, except God hasn't told me yet if I'll get what I asked for.

I'm just going to keep on following God and trust him. He know's what he's doing

 

[Amber.ly]

My answer would be that I would be more surprised to get married then if I stayed single. I feel neither anger or disappointment at the prospect of being "forever alone" because, quite frankly, I don't feel alone. And I have witnessed too many destructive marriages to ever have hold that up as an ideal situation. Marriage is tough, dirty, spiritually exhausting work and while it is worth it if you create a Godly marriage, the fact of the matter is that is the exception, not the rule.

[Tangent]

I don't think desiring a relationship is a sign that you should be in one. After all, there are so many things in life that we crave that are not what God intended us to have. Do you question His design when we lust after sin and then say that if we have these desires that God gave them to us or that He intended us to have it?

I also don't think that marriage or singleness is necessarily a "calling" from God. I believe He uses both situations in our growth and in the Bible gives both the positives and the negatives for each. In the end though, our relationship status isn't the driving purpose of our lives and what He designs us around. So its left open to us to choose which one we feel can be another aspect of glorifying God and giving him worship with our lives.

 

[CC268]

Well...here is my response...

I can't post the link, but further down this message board is a video that is extremely helpful for single people searching for that special person.

I will start of by saying: Why would God give you such a strong desire in your heart for that special someone if he isn't going to fulfill it?

I am only 19, almost 20...this is my first time being single for over a month since I was 16. It may be that I just have the confidence in God because I have already had several girlfriends and many other "flings" with different girls that I didn't end up dating. I try my best to learn from those relationships, I think God gives us the rough breakups and relationships for a reason. Nonetheless, I do struggle with being lonely and having that "best friend" to love. It is quite tough at times, especially getting some of those negative thoughts out of your head. I pray about it every day, and although I haven't found the "one", God has always delivered to me some sort of opportunity even if it doesn't work out.

I mean really...look around you...look at all the families and married people out there. To think your going to be the one person that doesn't find someone? I really believe that those who stay single tend to be those who WANT to be single or the few that are just too emotionally damaged to want to put their self out there again. To be honest, sometimes I have a tough time believing my own opinion and advice, but at the end of the day I don't think it is too far fetched. I struggle with this too, but I hope that this helped a bit, I know it helps me to even say it!

 

[LilLamb219]

MOD HAT ON

This thread has gone through a clean up. There were a lot of posts that were off topic and flaming. Please address the OP and step away if you find yourself wanting to attack another member with your words. Review the RULES to avoid further conflicts.

MOD HAT OFF

 

[HighwayMan]

I don't believe that God decides who gets relationships and who doesn't. At least, not in the conventional sense. Does God also decide who in their 20s or 30s or 40s gets cancer and slowly dies? Does God decide how many African kids will die of disease this year, and how many will get to survive? How much does he really decide? If he decides everything, then the fate of being single seems light compared to the fate of cancer.

Why does God allow children to be born if they will die 3-4 years later? Why does God make the human being a slave to his natural desires, even if for one reason or another they can't be satisfied, leading to very dark places? And why is life such a mystery, why does he not reveal his face so that people could at least know or stop doubting, why does he inflict seemingly endless misery on some while others seem to go through life receiving blessing after blessing? Is it because people aren't praying enough, or praying wrongly, or something in their thought-prayer-action process is off? Is there a formula for success when it comes to asking God for things? Absolute not, in my view.

But it is something the writers of the Bible themselves have pondered. Must be why Psalms is my favorite book.

As William Blake once put it: 'Some are born to sweet delight, Some are born to endless night.'

At the end, it's as simple as that.