What if you don't fit in

[sparkle123]

What if you are looking at a church or new to a church community and you don't fit in or feel welcomed? Should you leave? Should you stick it out because God is more important? Is Christianity communal or can we go solo? If it is more communal than not, fitting into and feeling welcome in a parish should be pretty important, hm?

Finally, as a new Christian it seems hard for singles to find a place at Church. In an age where more people are leaving the church and putting off marriage and children until later in life, it seems odd that most churches are still primarily geared toward family. It's almost like you can't be fully accepted unless you have a spouse and a child in tow. This doubles if you are a woman in a more conservative church. When I was calling myself Buddhist the mediation centers I went to were much more accepting of singleness and didn't have the vast majority of their activities solely gathered around family (i.e. Family night or rotating family coffee hour). Perhaps I am going to the wrong churches but it does make one wonder if God or the tribe is more important and if the church is even the best place to seek God. Sorry if this post sounds provocative, I have just been holding in a lot of doubt and frustration and it's been over a year on my Christian journey and I gave up one community (the old new age group) and never found another... Still grateful for my faith but when it comes to the body of Christ on this earth... I'm struggling to feel connected.

 

[Sketcher]

Your status says you are married. I'm confused.

 

[Serving Zion]

What if you are looking at a church or new to a church community and you don't fit in or feel welcomed? Should you leave? Should you stick it out because God is more important? Is Christianity communal or can we go solo? If it is more communal than not, fitting into and feeling welcome in a parish should be pretty important, hm?

Finally, as a new Christian it seems hard for singles to find a place at Church. In an age where more people are leaving the church and putting off marriage and children until later in life, it seems odd that most churches are still primarily geared toward family. It's almost like you can't be fully accepted unless you have a spouse and a child in tow. This doubles if you are a woman in a more conservative church. When I was calling myself Buddhist the mediation centers I went to were much more accepting of singleness and didn't have the vast majority of their activities solely gathered around family (i.e. Family night or rotating family coffee hour). Perhaps I am going to the wrong churches but it does make one wonder if God or the tribe is more important and if the church is even the best place to seek God. Sorry if this post sounds provocative, I have just been holding in a lot of doubt and frustration and it's been over a year on my Christian journey and I gave up one community (the old new age group) and never found another... Still grateful for my faith but when it comes to the body of Christ on this earth... I'm struggling to feel connected.

Hi there,

Well, first I should say that I don't know how long you have been Christian for, and how strong you are in your Christian faith. So my advice to you would need to depend on that. But seeing as you are asking this, probably you are best to find a community of people that really have love, who can help you to recognize the qualities of God, and a loving community will also support you to grow in the right way.

 

[sparkle123]

my husband doesn't go to church with me most Sundays because he's an athiest. So I am single for the most part when I go to church. I am praying about this because I love everything else about my church. There have been a few friendly people but overall it is not welcoming and the priest has been fairly inaccessible, actually forgetting appointments we've made for confession, etc.

This post was probably partially about ranting and letting off steam. Unfortunately I am filled with unpleasant thoughts and feelings and probably do need to work on that, but I am finding it harder every day to fight the feelings that I am in the wrong place and that objectively this church is not easy to fit into. I feel like God led me out of the former spiritual community I was in but now I am here and this doesn't seem to be right, and I can't discern His will in this situation and I do not know what to do. Perhaps it is my fault for not being more assertive and pushing my way into the cliques and social fabric of the church in order to serve, etc. Perhaps I have not been forgiving enough of the priests forgetfulness. But also, perhaps this just isn't the place for me. I don't know. I am very confused.

I have only been a Christian for a little over a year. That is when I began praying and accepting Jesus Christ as Lord. I didn't understand much about who Jesus is, to be honest, but I felt that what I didn't understand I would be open to understanding. The call I felt on my heart to God was so immense. I was involved in a Buddhist meditation center at the time (for three years, I was in a leadership role there) and had no Christian influence in my life so things changed pretty rapidly. I thought I would immediately kind of find my place in a Christian community, but so far I have been floundering alone. I mean no insult to other Christians by what I've said here and hope that I haven't offended anyone.

 

[Serving Zion]

my husband doesn't go to church with me most Sundays because he's an athiest. So I am single for the most part when I go to church. I am praying about this because I love everything else about my church. There have been a few friendly people but overall it is not welcoming and the priest has been fairly inaccessible, actually forgetting appointments we've made for confession, etc.

This post was probably partially about ranting and letting off steam. Unfortunately I am filled with unpleasant thoughts and feelings and probably do need to work on that, but I am finding it harder every day to fight the feelings that I am in the wrong place and that objectively this church is not easy to fit into. I feel like God led me out of the former spiritual community I was in but now I am here and this doesn't seem to be right, and I can't discern His will in this situation and I do not know what to do. Perhaps it is my fault for not being more assertive and pushing my way into the cliques and social fabric of the church in order to serve, etc. Perhaps I have not been forgiving enough of the priests forgetfulness. But also, perhaps this just isn't the place for me. I don't know. I am very confused.

I have only been a Christian for a little over a year. That is when I began praying and accepting Jesus Christ as Lord. I didn't understand much about who Jesus is, to be honest, but I felt that what I didn't understand I would be open to understanding. The call I felt on my heart to God was so immense. I was involved in a Buddhist meditation center at the time (for three years, I was in a leadership role there) and had no Christian influence in my life so things changed pretty rapidly. I thought I would immediately kind of find my place in a Christian community, but so far I have been floundering alone. I mean no insult to other Christians by what I've said here and hope that I haven't offended anyone.

Hey there Sparkle! I get where you're at now, and I can see some difficulty you have with getting a grip on Christian views considering your background of a quite different discipline. So, please read patiently a few paragraphs of groundwork before coming round to address you again

In Christianity, there is the over-arching theme that as humans, we face a struggle against our own desires, in order to live according to God's law/instruction/way/advice. This is the way of self-sacrifice, of loving others with the same degree we should expect to receive, if we were in their position. (That's the golden rule). But sometimes our own desires are so tempting that we do choose to live more selfishly than God expects of us, and then we are committing sin, and we aren't able to stand with true confidence of being "in union" with Him. It causes us to disregard the truth when it is spoken against us, and in biblical terms, this is called an "obstinate heart", or "hardened heart".

The spiritual enemy (devil, satan, opposer etc), is the one who always has in his heart to displace God, and he knows that if he can tempt Christians to do sin, then the Christian is not able to fully proclaim the truth without some reservation. (Mark 3:24-25). A Christian is that way weakened and no longer primarily a vessel of truth, and by teaching falsehoods in God's name, actually does a great amount of damage in the world.

This is all to say that a great number of Christians really do find it too difficult to humble themselves to maintain perfect repentance, because the enemy's assault is so pervasive and unrelenting (Luke 13:24). So because such a person's relationship with God is not perfectly healthy, they are not able to effectively demonstrate the nature of God, being love, grace, truth, charity, etc.

I say you are best to put God first and foremost before all others, because He is loyal and reliable, and has withstood tests of time. Then ask Him to lead you into the place you should be. Remembering too that many of us worshiping Him with a right heart have simply been taught some wrong beliefs, and as Ephesians 4:11-13 describes, we can all be useful in some way, to help build each other up.

You mentioned that you became Christian because you perceived an unmistakable sense in your heart. So how does God speak to you now? Do you perceive His divine voice in the words of your pastor, the ones who love you, or in the words of the bible? If you haven't yet established that channel of communication, the first, most valuable step for you would be to investigate that weakness of your faith and find out how you can trust Him enough to get to know Him as your loving spiritual father; because Christianity is foremost about reconciling us to God in a relationship of love, so that His love can fill us and overflow to bring healing to others.

 

[graceandpeace]

What if you are looking at a church or new to a church community and you don't fit in or feel welcomed? Should you leave? Should you stick it out because God is more important? Is Christianity communal or can we go solo? If it is more communal than not, fitting into and feeling welcome in a parish should be pretty important, hm?

Hi,

Christianity is inherently a community-based faith, though I can understand certain situations where an exclusively "solo" practice might be necessary.

There are many denominations to choose from, & sometimes several local options of each. If one is not the right fit - because it's unwelcoming, etc - then try another option.

Finally, as a new Christian it seems hard for singles to find a place at Church. In an age where more people are leaving the church and putting off marriage and children until later in life, it seems odd that most churches are still primarily geared toward family.

Sure.

Many churches do focus heavily on families, mainly because those with children are looking for/needing various ministries. I do think singles can get overlooked at times, but I think there are already many ministries in a lot of churches that are open to singles, anyone.

It's almost like you can't be fully accepted unless you have a spouse and a child in tow. This doubles if you are a woman in a more conservative church.

Some conservative churches may suffer from misogyny, unfortunately.

When I was calling myself Buddhist the mediation centers I went to were much more accepting of singleness and didn't have the vast majority of their activities solely gathered around family (i.e. Family night or rotating family coffee hour). Perhaps I am going to the wrong churches but it does make one wonder if God or the tribe is more important and if the church is even the best place to seek God.

Sure. What church denominations have you tried?

Sorry if this post sounds provocative, I have just been holding in a lot of doubt and frustration and it's been over a year on my Christian journey and I gave up one community (the old new age group) and never found another... Still grateful for my faith but when it comes to the body of Christ on this earth... I'm struggling to feel connected.

It's okay. I hope you can find the right place for you.