what happens if your husband divorces you help please asap

[christiangamer37]

Please help I need advice
About getting a divorce. My husband wants a divorce
He married under fall pretense. He said he wasnt ready at the time of the marriage. It's been over 11 years of marriage. Plus 3 years of being together before we married. We both have a 15 year old daughter we had before marriage. He wants too get the divorce together at our local court house. He also wants too stay together without having any sexual contact. What he wants too see if god blesses this marriage . He said he also wanted too be ready when he got married not force. No one force anyone. Whatever he got married for is only between god and him
I have no clue I need too know what should i do in this case biblical. I dont want any more sin. If he divorces me it's said it makes me adulteris, i havent gone outside of the marriage he said he hasn't gone outside of it. How would God Judge me for Something beyond my control? Also he wants both of us to go and file together. If he dose this should I help him or not ? I dont want a divorce.

 

[makeitwork]

so sorry what you are going thru (((hugs)))
why not try a marriage counselor or go to your local church and speak with the pastor?
i can't help but feel maybe someone is changing your hubby mind about your marriage and now your hubby is second guessing it.
i pray that our LORD will bless your marriage, making it more stronger than before.

 

[christiangamer37]

Well we contacted our church with in hope of speaking too our pastor. We don't really know him le personal. But we do believe he is a man of god. We just found out he dosent console us only a couple at the church speaks too people having marriage problems. The thing is we was hoping our pastor would be doing the consoling but he doesnt . My husband said he has so much pain from his child hood and personal hang up he was hoping too get consoling. With all that maybe we could get remarried the right way. Well the couple from the church isnt certified Christian consolers. The couple also said they couldn't counsole us a long time maybe a week and that isn't much help with so many problems we would need more time and be able trust and get the right help. Im surprised my church dosent have a certified consoler if the pastor isn't consoling his self.

 

[christiangamer37]

It's not that my husband doesnt want too be with me he sad it's just that with his personal problems that extend from childhood abuse, he dosnt know how too trust and wants too love but he doesnt know how and too be married he need too be in love with his spouse the spouse need too recieve love back.. Which isn't what he's giving I am only the one giving love. I want more then a basic boyfriend girlfriend feeling ideal relationship. We have been married for years but not living a marriage life.. It's more like roomates

 

[paul1149]

what should i do in this case biblical

There are two levels at play here: the quality of the relationship, and the immediate question of divorce.

Paul tells us not to divorce if both are Christian. The husband and wife are there for each other, and when problems arise they are to tackle them together as "one flesh". Divorcing goes in the opposite direction.

As for sex, Paul counsels that the husband and wife can abstain for a time, but then come together by agreement. This affirms the unity and is a protection against temptation. Your husband's idea of divorcing but still living together asexually seems to be an attempt along the same lines - taking as much sex out of the picture in order to get more clarity on how to untangle relational problems. But Paul's counsel does the same thing without ripping the family apart.

Understand that many a couple that has tried a trial separation found it more difficult to come back together than it would have been otherwise.

Here's what I suggest: both of you begin praying for the Lord's will and for strength regarding the marriage. Then begin to come together, maybe daily, for a short time of prayer together for each other. This way you'll begin to bond in the spirit, which is where the action really is. If it goes well, you will find that you don't need to jump through all the hoops your husband is suggesting. You will find the keys to resolving past wounds and present marital difficulties, without resorting to the world's destructive ways.

Edit: about the immediate question of divorce, I would say that if you don't want one, don't file for one. Let your husband do that if he really wants to, but don't encourage or actively support it. Because he might have doubts, and seeing you go along so easily will only quiet them.

 

[LilLamb219]

Your husband wants a divorce for the wrong reasons. Every marriage goes through problems. He needs to learn how to improve marriage and improve upon relationships. Since your pastor doesn't counsel, there are Christian Counseling centers you might want to look into to help you out.

 

[Sketcher]

If he divorces me it's said it makes me adulteris, i havent gone outside of the marriage he said he hasn't gone outside of it. How would God Judge me for Something beyond my control?

No, that doesn't make you an adulteress. What would make you an adulteress would be if you were to get together with someone else while he is still alive. What Jesus meant in Matthew 5:32 is if the wife chooses someone else after the husband got rid of her, he shares responsibility for that since he put her in the way of temptation by getting rid of her in the first place. And the same would be true if the situation were reversed. The only possible exception to this would be if he cheated on her first.

 

[Catherineanne]

Please help I need advice
About getting a divorce. My husband wants a divorce
He married under fall pretense. He said he wasnt ready at the time of the marriage. It's been over 11 years of marriage. Plus 3 years of being together before we married. We both have a 15 year old daughter we had before marriage. He wants too get the divorce together at our local court house. He also wants too stay together without having any sexual contact. What he wants too see if god blesses this marriage . He said he also wanted too be ready when he got married not force. No one force anyone. Whatever he got married for is only between god and him
I have no clue I need too know what should i do in this case biblical. I dont want any more sin. If he divorces me it's said it makes me adulteris, i havent gone outside of the marriage he said he hasn't gone outside of it. How would God Judge me for Something beyond my control? Also he wants both of us to go and file together. If he dose this should I help him or not ? I dont want a divorce.

I think you need to speak to a lawyer. You may be able to get an initial consultation without charge, but either way, you need to know where you stand legally on this one.

Don't be pressurised into signing anything unless you know what it means, and you agree to it. Don't file together if you want to stay married.

If you want to stay married, then say so, to the court and to your husband. I think you will have rather more protection that way, but I am not an expert; you really need expert advice on this.

If your husband does divorce you, you will need to talk to a minister, but I think you would count as an abandoned wife, and most denominations would then allow you to find a new husband if you choose to do so. But that is looking perhaps a little too far ahead. For now, find a lawyer.

I am very sorry this is happening to you. God be with you.

 

[insurchoftruth]

I know it is not easy, but it says in the Old Testament, that God hates divorce.

I would suggest that you visit the following website, and see, if there is any help for your marriage. The website is about a christian couple, who have helped thousands of christians around the world, with their marriages.

The web site is; God Save My Marriage - Joel and Kathy Davisson - Christian Marriage Help

 

[tturt]

I'm sorry you're going through this too. I really am. You've gotten some good advice.

You posted: What he wants too see if god blesses this marriage . If there is a divorce, there's no marriage for Yahweh to bless. Or I'm not understanding this statement.

Perhaps there are other reasons that would cause him not to file for divorce. I don't know what country you live in. But will it affect your health insurance, filing income tax, etc? In other words, getting a divorce may costs him more than just getting the paperwork done. If you are already living as roommates and he wants you to continue to live together, then what does he believe a divorce would achieve? Also, what about the way this may impact your daughter now and in the future?

 

[Harry3142]

I agree with Catherineann. You need to talk with an attorney. There are legal aid offices throughout the USA, as well as legal aid offices in other nations.

Since it is he who is wanting a divorce, and his grounds are purely selfish, I would advise that you stand firm. You have a daughter to think of, and your determination during this crisis will be an example to her. One thing you might do is tell him that he must wait six months. If after that length of time he still insists on a divorce, then the sin is on his head, not yours.

As for his using childhood issues as his reasoning, I suspect that there is something else happening with him. If it were only childhood issues you would not have been together for 14 years before they appeared as a problem.

 

[Malachi814]

I am sorry to hear your sufferings.
The truth is when we unite with someone, we become one flesh with them; that is when intercourse takes place you are spiritually married. What God tells us is for our own good. He knows people are only meant to have one husband/wife or they will be hurt. Do not be decieved, Jesus does not look at you with judgement, but love. Pray for this marriage. Jesus wishes love not be lost, God is love.

Jesus preached the Kingdom of Heaven to a Samaritan women who had 6 husbands throughout her life. Jesus told us it is sin to break the marriage bond because he knows it causes pain for all those involved. When a marriage is broken, many relationships between husband and wife are also broken. When we are in pain, as is Jesus.

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ fill your heart.