LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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I had been wondering how to explain depression to people in terms of other medical conditions, such as diabetes or epilepsy, so that people understand it's not something I choose or can just snap out of. Then it occurred to me, maybe the biggest barrier to understanding what is happening inside me is to label it "depression." People hear "depression," and they picture somebody sitting around crying and moping over something bad that happened. "Yeah, I was depressed for a week after my goldfish died." That isn't what's happening at all. In fact I am emotionally very dull, and I'm not sure I could cry right now no matter what happened. You have to have at least some mental energy going on, in order to feel emotion.
But even being coherent enough to type this is exhausting for me. I normally type 60 words a minute. I can't do that today. I'd be lucky to clock 25. My thoughts are coming too slowly and randomly to communicate them well. Then I have to go back and re-read my previous sentence, so I can connect it logically to my next one. I'm the same way verbally. I keep losing what I'm saying, in the middle of saying it.
Maybe instead of trying to explain this "depression" in light of other illnesses, the solution is to call it something else so people don't assume I'm simply in need of being cheered up? What should I call it, then?
But even being coherent enough to type this is exhausting for me. I normally type 60 words a minute. I can't do that today. I'd be lucky to clock 25. My thoughts are coming too slowly and randomly to communicate them well. Then I have to go back and re-read my previous sentence, so I can connect it logically to my next one. I'm the same way verbally. I keep losing what I'm saying, in the middle of saying it.
Maybe instead of trying to explain this "depression" in light of other illnesses, the solution is to call it something else so people don't assume I'm simply in need of being cheered up? What should I call it, then?
