What does 'Head of the household' mean?

[daverain]

I don't see the right for EITHER husband or wife to be -boss-. Do you?

 

[Katydid]

I don't SEE the point in many of the rules that God put in place, but I don't SEE God either. I have FAITH that he is there, just as I have FAITH that his rules are important.

 

[seebs]

Head of household can't possibly imply the right to overrule someone's conscience. Conscience always wins.

 

[IncogNEAT-O]

Head of household can't possibly imply the right to overrule someone's conscience. Conscience always wins.

I disagree, respectfully of course.

The Bible is exceptionally clear in that the leader of the home should be the husband. It says nothing of one's conscience.
[bible]Ephesians 5:21-28[/bible]
Marriage patterns after the relationship we have with God. Sure, we could nitpick the small details as to what this means if we needed to, but is it really needed? Probably not.

Because wives have a certain role, just as husbands do, it is important for women to consider this BEFORE getting married. If one has to worry about their conscience being overruled because of the structure God commanded...then perhaps they selected a spouse for the wrong reasons; or they selected a spouse without stopping to consider what God expects of a married couple.

Marriage isn't something to be entered into lightly. These kinds of concerns should be thoroughly examined prior to marriage. To my knowledge, the Bible does not make a case for exceptions to this passage. However, many of the more hedonistic viewpoints try to find a way to excuse not abiding by this structure. Humanity always attempts to find ways to make the Bible fit what they want, instead of adapting what they want to meet what the Bible says.

In answer to the original question though; I don't believe "head of house" equates with "boss". It does equate with the responsibility party. It encompasses a duty to responsibility and to delegating responsibility. It includes the duties to lead, to guide, to manage, to protect, to provide for. It does not boil down to bossing the other party around. Compassion and understanding are tantamount for the person who heads the home. Being the head of the home is not license to be a control freak. And ultimately, for it to work according to God's design, both spouses must be willing to accept their role within the marriage. Again, this is why the matter should be thoroughly discussed prior to marriage.

 

[Kalista]

I think head of the household means the one to have the final say. The family can disagree and discuss but the husband is the one to carry it out and do what he thinks is best for everyone involved. I think as long as whatevers being talked about is good and right then the husband rules. If its not then by all means don't do it.

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

Head of household can't possibly imply the right to overrule someone's conscience. Conscience always wins.

That's true. It's true in the same sense that conscience wins over government (placed over us as husband is over wife), and church elders (also placed over us). Obeying God ALWAYS comes first, even if it means disobeying someone God has placed over us.

 

[JimfromOhio]

1 Peter 3:1-7 (Husband's biggest role)

WHAT PETER IS NOT SAYING
A. That a husband can treat his wife anyway he wants.
B. That a wife is a piece of property.
C. That a wife is to meet the every demand of the husband.
D. Speaking against make-up and such.
E. Women are less than men.
F. Men are better than women.

QUOTE: "It may seem strange that Peter's advice to wives is six times as long as that to husbands. This is because the wife's position was far more difficult that of the husband. If a husband became a Christian, he would automatically bring his wife with him into the Church and there would be no problem. But if a wife became a Christian while her husband did not, she was taking a step which was unprecedented and which produced the acutest problems." - William Barclay

WHAT PETER IS SAYING:

- Live with Your Wife

The word for "live" means to "dwell together or to be at home with." Peter is telling husbands that they are responsible for the "close togetherness" in the relationship. Providing a good living should never become a substitute for sharing deeply in life. The husband is to be sensitive to the needs of the wife.

- Know Your Wife

The husband is exhorted to live with his wife "with understanding." Most husbands are so caught up in doing their thing, that they fail to really know their wives. This is a surface relationship, and most surface relationships wear out, long before they had chance to make it. As husbands, we are to know makes our wives tick and what ticks them off!

Peter says we are to see them as the weaker vessel. Now the weaker vessel DOES NOT mean women are spiritually, morally or intellectually inferior to men. It simply means that in the scheme of God's creation women are weaker physically, and men should treat them as such.
- Honor Your Wife

Husbands are to assign their wives in a place of honor. In ancient times something of honor was something of substance, valuable, costly, even priceless. We are to see our wives in this same light.

"To honor your wife, assign them the top priority on your list of human relationships ... in your schedules ... and most importantly in your hearts." - CHARLES SWINDOLL

3. A PROMISE TO BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE .... 3:7b

Verse seven "that your prayers may not be hindered."

The husband and wife have an added incentive (the first is to God) to live together in harmony ... an effective prayer life.

If your prayers are hindered as a couple ... check out how you are treating one another.

 

[Mirelys]

The way I see it for me and my husband, he is in charge of everything except the house. Unfortunately, he thinks he is in charge of everything and won't get out of my kitchen! I never get to cook

But probably that's not what you were talking about.

I think it's very important for a husband and wife to be on equal terms. Yes, God has placed my husband over me, but that does not make him better than me (or even more qualified for the job); that's just how it's set up. I take my responsibilities of helping him very seriously as well. For example, my husband is in charge of the finances. He is not very good at it, but we both thought it was important for him to learn. If the finances get messed up, whose fault is it? He is in charge of it, he is the head of the household---but I know that I need to keep an eye and help him if he needs it. Both are important jobs.

Edited to add: Okay, to be fair I have to add in another example. If my husband sees that the house is a mess and I'm having difficulty organizing enough to get dressed in the morning (executive disfunction, anybody?!), he also helps me get back on track.

 

[brokenbananas]

I agree with what Incogneat-o and JimFromOhio wrote -- has the responsibility of is the head of the household, which from what I understand is what the Bible says the husband has.

There is a servanthood but leadership attitude of the husband's and well as a servanthood attitude of the wife's. There is a great deal of respect, love, trust between the two . . . a submission to each other that spurs each other on. The husband to protect the marriage, do his best for the marriage. Both the husband and wife are to submit to God, but the husband ahead of the wife.

As a wife, my husband doesn't rule over me with an iron fist, rather he leads by humility, servanthood, gentleness yet with strength, safety, a firmness (when needed). God has really blessed our marriage immensely as we've both worked to submit & love on each other. Anyway, the other 2 posts said it better than me.

Be Encouraged,
Doris

 

[daverain]

Thanks for the replys.

(please keep 'em coming. )

But Ephesians 5:

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

(does anyone do -THIS- ? )



.

 

[JimfromOhio]

Ephesians 5:21 basically means husbands and wives are to submit themselves one to another. Involved in submission are the virtues of humility, forgiveness, and servanthood. In other words as we submit ourselves to one another we must humble ourselves.

Charles Swindoll sums up this passage of Ephesians 5:21-6:4 scripture in this way: "Tucked away within the seams of these verses are two implied yet penetrating questions each partner needs to ask. The wife must come to terms with her role and ask, "Do I love my husband enough to live for him? " And equally important the husband must come to terms with his role and ask, "Do I love my wife enough to die for Her?" Searching questions. But they put the issues in the right perspective.

 

[Svt4Him]

From themarriagebed.com
Headship is a sticky issue; just mentioning it can get folks uptight. This is probably because in the past some have misused scriptures about headship to make women second-class members of the Body of Christ. Years of abuse have made the parts of the Bible which discuss God's intended structure for marriage too hot to handle for some. Avoiding the issue altogether is tempting, but rather than run from it, we need to find and proclaim God's truth.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself for her, Eph. 5:25

In both the Old and the New Testaments of the Bible, God uses the husband and wife relationship to explain His relationship with us, His people. I find the idea that I should treat my wife as Jesus treats the church to be both instructive and VERY challenging. I'm supposed to emulate the perfect Christ, while my wife is to emulate the very imperfect church .... now who has the worse end of THAT deal?!? I will never be able to love and care for Lori the way Jesus loves and cares for me, but the fact that I should helps me understand who I am to be as husband and head.






Why I'm the head: I must understand that I'm not the head because I am smarter, better, or otherwise superior to her in any way. My headship is positional; I'm the head because God said so, not because I deserve it in any way. Just as Jesus, who was equal to God in all ways, submitted to the Father, so our wives, who are equal to us in all ways eternal, are called to submit to us. God is a God of order, and He requires us to submit to the order He created. When we do this, things work well; when we don't, things end up a mess. While men are not the head because they are better in any way, God always equips us to do that which He calls us to; thus a man who seeks to be the head of his marriage and household will be empowered by God to do the job beyond his own natural ability.

Why being the head makes me a servant: Some think being the head makes a man "the boss" who can do what he wants and demand what he wants. This is not what God calls us to as the head. When we look at Jesus, we see that He was a servant leader. He never demanded or forced His will, even when He knew those around Him were wrong. Jesus was actually rejected by many Jews because He came to serve, not to rule. Likewise we as husbands are called to serve our wives, not rule them. Yes, we are to lead, but it's a leadership based on willing following, not on coercion, force or fear.

A while back some folks at our church were discussing plans for a Valentine's Day banquet. Someone suggested taking Communion, and this prompted another to suggest foot washing. One fellow said "Yeah, our wives can wash our feet" and several men joined in approvingly. But they had it backwards!! Jesus washed the disciples' feet, not the other way around. In Jesus' time it was customary to have a servant wash the guest feet when they came into the house (sandals and dirt roads, you understand). Foot washing was assigned to the lowest servant in the house, so Jesus wasn't just playing the role of a servant, He was being the lowest of the low. As husbands we are called to wash the feet of our wives, not have her wash our feet.

It's not what either of us wants, it's about what God wants.

How God calls me to lead: It's not about doing it my way, and it's not about doing it her way. Try thinking of it as being the head of the marriage; the goal is not to rule her, but to guide and direct "us" as a couple. Sometimes what's best for the marriage happens to be what I'd like; sometimes it happens to be what she'd like; sometimes it's something that neither of us really want to do. In short, it's not what either of us wants, it's about what God wants.

Why I'm a fool if I ignore my wife's input: Okay, fool is a strong word, but what else would you call someone who makes decisions without getting all the information? My wife has a different perspective than I do, and that perspective can be extremely valuable. I should not only listen to my wife, I should seek her thoughts and feelings before I make decisions. Peter suggests that men who don't pay attention to their wives are crippling themselves in more ways than one:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with
understanding, giving honor to the wife,
... that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Pet. 3:7

Why being the head doesn't entitle me to demand anything: Free will is real big with God; He even gave us the free will to reject Him and His love. If God gave us that kind of free will with Him, how could He expect anything less in our relationships with other humans? It's one thing to tell my wife what I think should be done, but I see no scriptural support for demanding or forcing her to comply. Jesus never treated people that way, so how can I treat my wife that way?

I'm responsible to lead; I'm not responsible for her following. When the Church fails to follow the Lord, does that mean Jesus has failed? NO!! Similarly, I'm not a failure if my wife chooses not to follow what I say. That's between her and God; it's not my place to make her comply, and it's not my place to take punitive measures.

Being the head is not the cushy perk -illed job some men and women think it is, at least not if we do it God's way. I understand the men who abdicate their duty as head; headship is just plain hard! Still, we're called to do it, and we'll be judged for our obedience or lack of obedience. Failing to be the head God called us to be brings a curse on us and our entire family, but obedience brings blessings to all. As I walk in it, He is with me, guiding me. When I'm not sure how I should proceed, I always think about what Jesus would do with the Church; He is my example and guide.

 

[lin1235]

My husband is the head of our household. It does not mean he is my boss; it means he is the leader, and I follow his leadership. He doesn't have "power" over me, but God has chosen him to give direction in our relationship and our marriage, and while I do give input, the ultimate decision-making is in my husband's hands, and his responsibility. We make most decisions together, but if we differ on an issue, I submit to what he decides is best.

 

[Cordy]

From what I understand, there are two ways to approach the question of what “head” (or kephale – the word used in the Bible) means.

1) Head representing “authority” (example: the “head nurse”)
2) Head meaning “origin” or “source” (example: the “head of the river)

1. "Authority"

If "head", in the relevant biblical passages, was intended to mean authority, we have to look at the context, rather than just finding key words and bringing assumptions to them. For instance, the popularly used passage of Ephesians 5:22, “wives, submit to your husbands”, is a little misleading in many English translations. In the original Greek passage, this phrase (verse) doesn’t actually have the word "submit" in it, but we know it is referring to subject of "submission" because it is found in the previous verse (5:21), which discusses all belivers submitting to one another. We know we are supposed to imply the word "submit" from v. 21 into v. 22 because in the original writings, this was all one sentence. The Greek passage would go something like this “…submit to one another; wives to your husbands…” We therefore have to remember that this is not simply a command to wives, but to all believers. The bit about the wives is a simply a specific example of the whole.

So with that in mind, we move onto husbands. Under this theme of submitting to and being united with one another, husbands are reminded of how Christ gave himself up for us. That is an ultimate demonstration of putting others before oneself. Therefore, when looking at this in context, we can see that all believers are supposed to put each other before themselves. Wives are to have this attitude toward their husbands, and husbands toward their wives.

So, in this context, if "head" is intended to mean “authority”, I think it is apparent that it doesn’t mean “last say” or “the boss” , but a servant leader how puts his wife above himself, and by doing so lifts her up. It winds up working toward mutual submission.

2. "Source" or "Origin"

If , on the other hand, "head" means “source” or “origin”, then I can’t find where there are implications of authority in the meaning. I can see the strength in this this approach because of the frequently used meaning of kephale (or “head”). For instance, when translating the Old Testament to Greek, the word kephale was only to mean authority 5% of the time (if I remember correctly). Just because our present English-speaking society understands the word “head” to mean authority doesn’t necessarily mean that biblical society saw the word “kephale” in the same way. Sometimes I think we need to throw of our cultural glasses and truly investigate what the words signified in their own time and context.



No matter what which way I look at, there is no room for this commanding hierarchy that “head” is to often made to be. Either way I approach it, I see a message that husband and wife are to be giving and submitting to each other, putting the other before themselves.

 

[Mirelys]

Either way I approach it, I see a message that husband and wife are to be giving and submitting to each other, putting the other before themselves.

There's really no way to go wrong with that

 

[Zoomer]

I voted none of the above. The think the main job as the head of the household is being the spiritual leader of the family. All other issues can be divided as wished, as long as both spouses agree. In our family, my main role is to care for the family and keep up the house. My secondary roles is to work outside the home. My husband main role is as spiritual head, and to a lesser degree, as the main bread winner. His secondary role is that of the kids and house. We both go over our finanaces, but I am the one who gets final say, writes the checks, and mails the bills. When an issue comes up we usually discuss it until we can come to some agreement. He knows not to make decisions without me and I would never without him.

 

[andiesmama]

I voted none of the above as well...my husband & I have a mutual relationship, that is, we discuss all decisions, he is aware of my thoughts & feelings...but in the end my husband makes the ultimate decision. 9 times out of 10 it's a decision that we both have agreed upon, but once in awhile he makes a decision that I don't necessarily agree with, but I submit to it because I trust him to make the best decision that's right for our family.

(and can I say the word "decision" just ONE more time?? lol)

 

[Redguard]

Me vote "none of the above."

We operate with a sort of 'dual' leadership. Neither of us makes any important decisions without consulting the other.

During worship, I'm usually the one to pray though... so I guess I take charge in that respect.

 

[Yitzchak]

Neither one of us is the "head of our household". We do things as a partnership. We recognise that whatever things we both do effect the other one since we are married and have one common destiny in that sense. We also are aware that God is the head of our home. Our unity is found in following God. In areas where God's will is unclear or unimportant issues, we prefer each other above ourselves in love.

 

[Cordy]

Neither one of us is the "head of our household". We do things as a partnership. We recognise that whatever things we both do effect the other one since we are married and have one common destiny in that sense. We also are aware that God is the head of our home. Our unity is found in following God. In areas where God's will is unclear or unimportant issues, we prefer each other above ourselves in love.

and