What does 'Head of the household' mean?

[Svt4Him]

Neither one of us is the "head of our household". We do things as a partnership. We recognise that whatever things we both do effect the other one since we are married and have one common destiny in that sense. We also are aware that God is the head of our home. Our unity is found in following God. In areas where God's will is unclear or unimportant issues, we prefer each other above ourselves in love.

Although I do agree in part with this, if God is head, and God delegates authority, would that also not mean that God's delegated authority is head in the same way as God? Just to explain, if you say you listen to God and God then says that He wants you to be the head of your house, wouldn't you being the head of your house be putting God as the head? Hope that makes sense, as I almost confused myself.

 

[Utah Knight]

none of the above we both have specialties so it is a team thing

 

[LiberatedChick]

Well I see marriage as a team. Though I also believe that teams need leaders and the role of leader in a marriage is the husband. This doesn't mean that I don't give input though. Just looking around at other teams I see in everyday life it's obvious that the leaders don't have all the information or skills to do and decide everything. Leaders are simply the people given the role of getting the other team members working towards the goal. So we discuss decisions that need to be made and so both of us give input into it. The majority of the time we agree on the course of action though when we don't I submit to his leadership.

 

[suzybeezy]

I love that this question is being addressed. My husband and I have often discussed it in our household. Everyone here has given such nice responses, but how are they practically applied to every day life?

I mean, I truly wish we were given instructions before getting married. I know alot of religions give marriage classes, unfortunately not all. But even those classes don't explain how to properly function within a marriage. I mean what is the roles of a husband and what are the roles of a wife? It's certainly not the 50s anymore where the definition is the wife cleans the house and takes care of the kids while the husband goes out to work is it? And there is a thread on here about who takes care of the finances, and most of them claim the women is the one taking care of the funds. So does that imply that in many households that women is taking care of the household, the kids, and the money, wouldn't that also imply she's kinda in charge. So then is the husband's sole role his job and occassionally helping out when asked? Where's the proper division of the household responsibilities? I guess the proper answer is you're suppose to discuss it with your spouse and come up with an answer that is agreeable between both parties, but if you're searching for what is Biblically proper, what would the answer be?

Are these stupid questions? I'm 36 years old and I still don't know the answer to how the household is suppose to run properly according to how the Bible says. I've truly struggled with this question for years. I want to do what's pleasing to God and to my husband, but it's really rather confusing. Everyone seems to have a different definition as to what a women's role is and what a man's role is. I see some households and I think "that women does everything!" or "that man is really a wonderful husband helping out his wife so much". I understand how confused people get when they read husbands are suppose to the "head of the household" because that interprets differently to most people on a practical day to day life basis. I mean the head of a company isn't doing the grunt work. So does that mean the women does the grunt work while the husband manages?

Any insight would be appreciated.

 

[Jenna]

Being 'head of household' means having authority over those within the household. Each family will look different, depending upon how a husband prefers the dynamics of his family to work. Being head of the family, the husband has the authority to determine the specifics, set down guidelines, and delegate tasks.

Of course, when speaking of authority, there will probably always be the discussion about both the man and woman's roles, and the way that men submit to the will of God in loving their own wife. However, doing what is right should be independent of what the other spouse is doing. Even if my husband never loves me as he should, it is still God's will for me to honor my husband, submit, and to obey. Likewise, even when I am rebellious, it is still God's will for my husband to love me to the point of being willing to give himself up for me.

If any ladies are interested in reading further, I find that "Created To Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl is a really great book. If you want to read reviews and get a taste of it, feel free to PM me. I have some great links to share..........

 

[Svt4Him]

I love that this question is being addressed. My husband and I have often discussed it in our household. Everyone here has given such nice responses, but how are they practically applied to every day life?

I mean, I truly wish we were given instructions before getting married. I know alot of religions give marriage classes, unfortunately not all. But even those classes don't explain how to properly function within a marriage. I mean what is the roles of a husband and what are the roles of a wife? It's certainly not the 50s anymore where the definition is the wife cleans the house and takes care of the kids while the husband goes out to work is it? And there is a thread on here about who takes care of the finances, and most of them claim the women is the one taking care of the funds. So does that imply that in many households that women is taking care of the household, the kids, and the money, wouldn't that also imply she's kinda in charge. So then is the husband's sole role his job and occassionally helping out when asked? Where's the proper division of the household responsibilities? I guess the proper answer is you're suppose to discuss it with your spouse and come up with an answer that is agreeable between both parties, but if you're searching for what is Biblically proper, what would the answer be?

Are these stupid questions? I'm 36 years old and I still don't know the answer to how the household is suppose to run properly according to how the Bible says. I've truly struggled with this question for years. I want to do what's pleasing to God and to my husband, but it's really rather confusing. Everyone seems to have a different definition as to what a women's role is and what a man's role is. I see some households and I think "that women does everything!" or "that man is really a wonderful husband helping out his wife so much". I understand how confused people get when they read husbands are suppose to the "head of the household" because that interprets differently to most people on a practical day to day life basis. I mean the head of a company isn't doing the grunt work. So does that mean the women does the grunt work while the husband manages?

Any insight would be appreciated.

Let me recommend www.themarriagebed.com. It is an excellent resource, and it addresses the headship/submission issue well.

 

[heartnsoul]

Neither one of us is the "head of our household". We do things as a partnership. We recognise that whatever things we both do effect the other one since we are married and have one common destiny in that sense. We also are aware that God is the head of our home. Our unity is found in following God. In areas where God's will is unclear or unimportant issues, we prefer each other above ourselves in love.

Amen! We also do things as a partnership/team.

 

[Yitzchak]

Although I do agree in part with this, if God is head, and God delegates authority, would that also not mean that God's delegated authority is head in the same way as God? Just to explain, if you say you listen to God and God then says that He wants you to be the head of your house, wouldn't you being the head of your house be putting God as the head? Hope that makes sense, as I almost confused myself.

Your post makes perfect sense to me. Delegated authority is still authority even though it isn't at the "top" of the chain of command. The scripture teaches that God ordained certain institutions such as government and delegates authority to them. To a certain extent we have individual authority as believers when it comes to spiritual warfare and when it comes to self-control over our own lives. As parents we have delegated authority too. So your logic is reasonable , at least to my thinking.

However, the part where we disagree is that I don't accept the interpretation of scripture which says that the husband is to have authority over his wife.

I do however, recognise that those who do accept an interpretation of scripture that says that the husband has authority over his wife can make a case that that authority is delegated from God and therefore God is the head over their home. I also think that those who hold to this interpretation must deal with the limits of earthly authorities. Even governments have limits and when they don't respect those limits they are seen as tyrants. I don't expect my pastor from church to come into my home and discipline my children even though he has a measure of authority rightly given to him from God. There are limits to all human authorities.

 

[suzybeezy]

Let me recommend www.themarriagebed.com. It is an excellent resource, and it addresses the headship/submission issue well.

Thanks for the recommendation. It's a very interesting website. I read alot of info on it and refered the website to my husband. He sat down and read it for about an hour when he got home from work. Then we stayed up for another hour discussing some of it's contents. Thanks again.

 

[holyroler2]

Someone has to be the head, two people can't always agree.

So when push comes to shove (only a saying) someone has to acquiesce. It is important to understand that when God made the husband the head; he gave him extra responsibilities. So if a couple is considering moving; wife say no husband says yes. Then the husband has to consider all fronts the wife’s desires, the kid’s desires and make his decision based on all fronts. As a wife I am mandated to obey my husband, he has to have the wisdom to make the correct decision.

Of course he then has to deal with the consciences. only kidding

 

[WolfGate]

Of course he then has to deal with the consciences. only kidding

No, you're not. Even though you may think you are.

There are always consequences when decisions are made. And that's one of the "fronts" he has to consider.

On a different note:

A wise old Pastor told me of one of the very few (less than 5) times in 50 years of marriage he had to make a decision his wife didn't agree with. It revolved around whether or not they moved from Japan (missionaries) back to the states for an academic job. She felt they should stay, he felt they should leave - and there was a firm deadline for deciding. In this case, not making a decision because they didn't agree would have been exactly the same as making a decision to stay in Japan. So, one of them had to make the final decision; as God authoritated head of the family, he made the call after much joint prayer and discussion.

So while the ideals of marriage being a team, making decisions together, each focusing first of the needs and wants of their spouse are all what you should be doing in a marriage, the reality is that rarely there may be an issue where despite all these ideals, the two cannot agree. In those cases, someone has to fill that role if there is absolutely no reconciling differing viewpoints and if a decision must be made. If you haven't accepted the concept of head of the family under God's authority, you'll find yourselves at an impass that will be nearly impossible to overcome. If however, that concept has already been accepted, then the decision gets made and the consequences are much easier to handle.

 

[Cordy]

Someone has to be the head, two people can't always agree.

So when push comes to shove (only a saying) someone has to acquiesce.

But why does it always have to be the same person?

Why does it always have to be the wife? I don’t see a Biblical basis to this one way submission. In a truly loving and united marriage, I believe the husband and wife should both have the attitude of wanting to give and compromise for the other. So, if, on the rare occasion, that a couple cannot come to a common agreement, and there is absolutely no way to compromise, I think the person with most interest/knowledge in the decision being made should make the decision, and the other, and of love and submission, should defer the decision to them.

 

[Svt4Him]

But why does it always have to be the same person?

Why does it always have to be the wife? I don’t see a Biblical basis to this one way submission. In a truly loving and united marriage, I believe the husband and wife should both have the attitude of wanting to give and compromise for the other. So, if, on the rare occasion, that a couple cannot come to a common agreement, and there is absolutely no way to compromise, I think the person with most interest/knowledge in the decision being made should make the decision, and the other, and of love and submission, should defer the decision to them.

Well, let's see if it's clear in the Bible or not:

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it fitting in the Lord.
Col. 3:18

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Eph. 5:22

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. In the same way, you wives,
be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are
disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the
behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful
behavior ... [adorn yourselves] with the imperishable quality of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in
this way in former times the holy women also, who hope in God,
used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.
1Pet. 3:1-5

... be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their
own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.
***. 2:5


Again from themarriagebed.com

In looking at submission and marriage, it seems clear to me that scripturally women are called to submit to the leadership and direction of their husbands. Given the number of scriptures that spell this out so simply in black and white, I find it difficult to see that the scriptures could mean anything other that what they actually say. Although this area of submission can affect more personal issues (and, yes, be a bit scary), I see submitting to a husband as similar to submitting to any other authority. Trusting that a husband is called and anointed to direct the home is no different than trusting that a pastor or elder is called and anointed to direct a church (or a scout master to direct a troop, or a teacher to direct the Bible study etc.). None will be perfect, but each person is called to do a particular job and will be enabled by God to do so.

 

[God Child]

Although the man is to be the head, he is also supposed to confer with his wife. He's not supposed to be somekind of controller, but love her as christ loves the church and as he loves himself. Providing for her, protecting her, pampering her, being her friend.

 

[Cordy]

Well, let's see if it's clear in the Bible or not:

Svt4Him, I understand you feel that the head means the delegated authority in the home. You may personally think it is clear to, but I don't think it is. When I study those passages you mentioned in the context they were written in and not simply pluck little pieces of the passage, I see a very different message. I don't anywhere see anything that clearly (or even murkily) says that the husband has the last say and makes the "final decision".

I could pull out a few verses out of context and argue almost anything: racism, slavery, eugenics etc. That is why context is so important.

 

[Whitestone]

The headship thing seems pretty easy to me.

Look at how Christ is the head of the church and that is how the husband should be the head of the wife.