What do you think?

[ForeverBeingForgiven]

This is a repost from another board. I thought I'd get more answers here.

Ok, a little background first. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months (on monday). We love each other deeply. We've talked about marriage before, and we both know that we want to get married someday. He's told me that he has a time in his mind (that God put there) for when he wants to ask me to marry him.

Now here's the point of this post. We've been sexually intimate. We've only had intercourse once (that left me worried for a month, but thankfully I'm not pregnant), but have had slipups other times too. We've sought God's forgiveness, and have forgiven each other and also have some strong boundaries set now.

The boundaries we've set up: 1) No kissing on the mouth.. period. 2) We aren't allowed to be together unless we're in public (other people around). 3) We're not allowed in each other's apartments anymore.

Still with boundaries, the thoughts, memories, and temptation is still there, so here's my question. He has a time in mind to ask me to marry him, but what about this Bible verse?
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

What do you all think?

 

[Biarien]

First off, I believe Paul's commentary was referring to something that was going on in the Corinthian church. Look at verse 26-27: Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. Granted, I'm certainly not saying this is the correct way to look at the passage, but it may be (I'm not always wrong, I hope!).

Therefore, I think that Paul's basic message was this: Stay in the marital state that will best enable you to serve God and not be a hindrance or stumbling point for others.

In your case, I think it sounds like you can control yourselves. Plus, it sounds like right now, your boyfriend needs some time to do something, whatever that is. If he feels it's God's will for him to remain single for however long, I think that's certainly most important.

I hope at least some of that helped. Congratulations on having such a wonderful relationship.

 

[LadyBird]

First off, I don't really understand what you are asking.

Secondly, I don't believe that burning with desire to be sexually active is a good reason to get married. I mean, okay, I will get slammed for saying this I know, but if people want to have sex that badly, just have it! It's better than making a life long committment to each other when your marriage is based on the wrong things. I do believe that sex before marriage is wrong PERIOD!!! I am just saying that getting married so that there will be no physical restrictions is a bad idea because it is for the wrong reason.

Thirdly, here is some food for thought:

If you were engaged today, would you be ready(physically, emotionally, spiritually) to get married tomorrow(pretend that all the wedding preparations are done). Engagement is a time to plan for your wedding, thus, there is no need to have a 2 or 3 year engagement, I don't care where you live, it doesn't take 3 years to plan a wedding. Engagement is not for getting to know each other better...that is what dating is for. Just something for you to think about.

 

[ForeverBeingForgiven]

Our reasons for getting married would not be because we just want to be able to have sex. We love each other deeply, and believe the God created us for each other. We realize that sex outside of marriage is wrong no matter what the situation. We just made a mistake, but that's not the reason we want to get married.

I guess what I'm really asking is, should I ask him when he plans to ask me to marry him, or shouldn't I?

I don't believe it will be years from now, and in fact, I think he's going to ask me in the fall, but that's just a guess, but if it were in the fall, we'd be married the next spring/summer. I would never be engaged for longer than 9 months... and that's pushing it. I know that long engagements aren't good or necessary.

Breanainn - Thanks for pointing that out. I guess I never looked at the context. I've just heard that verse before, but when looking it up again, I didn't read the context. I forget to do that sometimes, but that's very important to do when reading the Bible. Thanks for reminding me of that.

 

[Biarien]

You're welcome. I wish you perseverence in your wait and the best for the future, in whatever way and time God has it planned for you.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I think you should consider reading the book "Boy Meets Girl". It is etremely popular and will help you in your situation.

My boyfriend and I kept falling inot temptation but once we read this book it TOTALLY opened our eyes! You need a change of heart, rules will not work alone.

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[FaithfulServant]

Be careful that you are not seeking fufillment in marriage. Many women get swept up in the idea of it, and think life will be blissfully happy once they are married. You need to be happy in your current single state, and then if everything seems right, let HIM pursue marriage. What can I say, you really need to read this book "Boy Meets Girl"....it's amazing.