What do you tell someone, who, say, their young child dies of say, cancer, or something...?

[Neogaia777]

What do you tell someone, who, say, their young child dies of say, cancer, or something...?

Or something similar, and the person(s) whose child died, want answers, and they are angry with/at God, and it is interfering with their faith and trust in God and his (God's) goodness...?

They want to know "why"...?

What do you tell them, what would you tell them what the reason "why" was...?


I'll start...

I would tell them, as to why, I would start off telling them, "Well, what if your child died in a car accident by a drunk driver...? The reason why your child dies in that case is more clear, it is because the other person that killed them, chose to drink and drive and sin... And it is due to the person that killed them's (the drunk driver's) sins that your child died...

It is not too much different your child dying of cancer, just a little less clear... But, it happened because "someone" sinned... and that or those sins caused cancer to be in the world, and just like your child, or you, or "a", or one of your family members, or someone you know... someone you didn't even know and whom you knew nothing of their sins, (nor did they you or yours, nor knew you), in the case of a car accident, your child dies/died as a kind of "random consequence" of someone you don't even know, nor do they know you's, sins....

Just like the drunk driver was not expecting, or thinking of, or purposely setting out to kill your child, nor does diseases, like cancer, "purposely set out to specifically target" anyone, it just "is what it is" (cancer), and it does what it does (makes people sick and kills them)...

I can tell you that it is a result of someone, somewhere's, at some time(s), "sin" or sins... I cannot tell you why it specifically happened or had to happen to "your child" specifically... But, I do not think it was malice or malicious intent... Cancer is pretty indiscriminate, targets all people of all walks of life, in all kinds of circumstances, of any people group, and affects some of them, by their getting sick and dying in some cases...

Cancer, (the disease), is just "doing what it does", as a lifeform... It targets healthy cells in a person's body and makes those cells not healthy and the cancer itself, (as an entity or lifeform), is just "feeding" or "consuming" like all life does... and a virus or disease like cancer is a lifeform... and it (that lifeform, the cancer) may not even be aware that it is causing or doing any harm... Once it gets in a body, it acts much like other life does, and spreads and grows and consumes till it cannot any longer...

God did not tell or direct the cancer to target your child specifically, thou he did allow the cancer to exist as a part of our reality in a world that, due to sin, must be full of sickness, disease and death... until the sin problem in man, and in the world now, is resolved or fixed or is made no longer a factor...

It is harder to forgive it, when you can't even see, identify, or know the culprit, as it is a little easier (though not very easy) still a "little easier" to get to a point of forgiveness and forgiving the culprit who is guilty of killing your child, (due to their sin), it is at least a little easier to get past, in that case (sometimes)... But, when you can even put a face to the culprit, (like you can with a drunk driver), (but not so much with something like cancer), when you can't even put a face to the culprit, it is more difficult to get to a point of forgiveness so you can let go of the negative emotions for your own sake and move on or get past it...

But, whomever is to blame, even though you can't know, you must find a way to forgive it, and let go, for your own sake... God did not strike your child with cancer, in fact, no one did, just like the drunk driver did not set out to kill your child, but is a result of his or in the cancers case, "mankind's" sin(s)... God, in allowing the sin, has to also allow the sicknesses, diseases, and death caused by it them, but does not direct whom it targets, though he does know...

One day, the problem will be fixed... And, one day, you will get to see your child again, that is a promise of God that is 100% real and true... Make sure you get to go where they are and to be with them, when your time comes, in the meantime here, and not being able to let go of what happened, could hinder or interfere with your being able to see them again, and I know you, or they, do not want that...

God Bless!



What would you tell them as to "why"...?

I said one, do any of you have others (other reasons why)...?

Comments...?

Peace,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

They might say "Why did it have to "my child", my beloved child...?

I would say to them, "God might be saying the same thing about his... Would you prefer it be someone else's child...?"

Don't know how they would answer...?

God Bless!

 

[Sam91]

I don't know but what I do know is that if God acted on every instance of evil he would be picking and choosing to punish some sins and leaving others and no longer being a just God, intruding on the free will He chose to give us. There is a reason He stands back and lets things happen and most of us just don't understand it yet.

Isaiah 55:8-9

I would stress the comfort, peace and support He offers and offer my personal support.

 

[Neogaia777]

I don't know but what I do know is that if God acted on every instance of evil he would be picking and choosing to punish some sins and leaving others and no longer being a just God. There is a reason He stands back and lets things happen and most of us just don't understand it yet.

Isaiah 55:8-9

I would stress the comfort, peace and support He offers and offer my personal support.

Excellent point...

As to the last sentence (and I knew some people were going to do this) that last line, while good and excellent also, and I would too as well, it does not focus on their wanting to know "why" though, which is what I'd like to concentrate on here, answering the "why" of it...

Peace,

God Bless!

 

[Sam91]

Excellent point...

As to the last sentence (and I knew some people were going to do this) that last line, while good and excellent also, and I would too as well, it does not focus on their wanting to know "why" though, which is what I'd like to concentrate on here, answering the "why" of it...

Peace,

God Bless!

Ok, as for the why, what I have discovered is that 'Why?' is part kf the grief reaction and being able to stop asking why helps move forward in the grief. That 'Why?' is us trying to process it and must be given us by God for a reason. Quite wonderful if being angry with God can lead to some praying angrily but searchingly and coming to know Him who can support them better than anything on the world can. You see that 'why' question keeps coming back meaning the brain coming back to God often in some.

 

[Sam91]

What do you tell someone, who, say, their young child dies of say, cancer, or something...?

Or something similar, and the person(s) whose child died, want answers, and they are angry with/at God, and it is interfering with their faith and trust in God and his (God's) goodness...?

They want to know "why"...?

What do you tell them, what would you tell them what the reason "why" was...?


I'll start...

I would tell them, as to why, I would start off telling them, "Well, what if your child died in a car accident by a drunk driver...? The reason why your child dies in that case is more clear, it is because the other person that killed them, chose to drink and drive and sin... And it is due to the person that killed them's (the drunk driver's) sins that your child died...

It is not too much different your child dying of cancer, just a little less clear... But, it happened because "someone" sinned... and that or those sins caused cancer to be in the world, and just like your child, or you, or "a", or one of your family members, or someone you know... someone you didn't even know and whom you knew nothing of their sins, (nor did they you or yours, nor knew you), in the case of a car accident, your child dies/died as a kind of "random consequence" of someone you don't even know, nor do they know you's, sins....

Just like the drunk driver was not expecting, or thinking of, or purposely setting out to kill your child, nor does diseases, like cancer, "purposely set out to specifically target" anyone, it just "is what it is" (cancer), and it does what it does (makes people sick and kills them)...

I can tell you that it is a result of someone, somewhere's, at some time(s), "sin" or sins... I cannot tell you why it specifically happened or had to happen to "your child" specifically... But, I do not think it was malice or malicious intent... Cancer is pretty indiscriminate, targets all people of all walks of life, in all kinds of circumstances, of any people group, and affects some of them, by their getting sick and dying in some cases...

Cancer, (the disease), is just "doing what it does", as a lifeform... It targets healthy cells in a person's body and makes those cells not healthy and the cancer itself, (as an entity or lifeform), is just "feeding" or "consuming" like all life does... and a virus or disease like cancer is a lifeform... and it (that lifeform, the cancer) may not even be aware that it is causing or doing any harm... Once it gets in a body, it acts much like other life does, and spreads and grows and consumes till it cannot any longer...

God did not tell or direct the cancer to target your child specifically, thou he did allow the cancer to exist as a part of our reality in a world that, due to sin, must be full of sickness, disease and death... until the sin problem in man, and in the world now, is resolved or fixed or is made no longer a factor...

It is harder to forgive it, when you can't even see, identify, or know the culprit, as it is a little easier (though not very easy) still a "little easier" to get to a point of forgiveness and forgiving the culprit who is guilty of killing your child, (due to their sin), it is at least a little easier to get past, in that case (sometimes)... But, when you can even put a face to the culprit, (like you can with a drunk driver), (but not so much with something like cancer), when you can't even put a face to the culprit, it is more difficult to get to a point of forgiveness so you can let go of the negative emotions for your own sake and move on or get past it...

But, whomever is to blame, even though you can't know, you must find a way to forgive it, and let go, for your own sake... God did not strike your child with cancer, in fact, no one did, just like the drunk driver did not set out to kill your child, but is a result of his or in the cancers case, "mankind's" sin(s)... God, in allowing the sin, has to also allow the sicknesses, diseases, and death caused by it them, but does not direct whom it targets, though he does know...

One day, the problem will be fixed... And, one day, you will get to see your child again, that is a promise of God that is 100% real and true... Make sure you get to go where they are and to be with them, when your time comes, in the meantime here, and not being able to let go of what happened, could hinder or interfere with your being able to see them again, and I know you, or they, do not want that...

God Bless!



What would you tell them as to "why"...?

I said one, do any of you have others (other reasons why)...?

Comments...?

Peace,

God Bless!

So I would also say to ask God. To keep on asking Him and something might happen.

I really must get ready. Child has swimming lesson in an hour, be i terested to know what others would do in this. Check in later.

 

[Christie insb]

They might say "Why did it have to "my child", my beloved child...?

I would say to them, "God might be saying the same thing about his... Would you prefer it be someone else's child...?"

Don't know how they would answer...?

God Bless!

I hope this is hypothetical! If someone has lost a child these answers will seem trite. I would tell them God mourns along with you, and if I can help out or just listen I would be glad to do so. I would try to be God with skin on to this person. Grief is a process and God knows that. Love is more important than doctrine, especially when tragedy occurs. You might want to read The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, then A Grief Observed. The play is good too. All our human words in the face of grief is just so much noise in the wind.

 

[Neogaia777]

I hope this is hypothetical! If someone has lost a child these answers will seem trite. I would tell them God mourns along with you, and if I can help out or just listen I would be glad to do so. I would try to be God with skin on to this person. Grief is a process and God knows that. Love is more important than doctrine, especially when tragedy occurs. You might want to read The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, then A Grief Observed. The play is good too. All our human words in the face of grief is just so much noise in the wind.

It is hypothetical, and all that is good, and is what I would try to do, especially right at the onset, and while it was still "fresh" as I already said...

But, I want this thread to be about trying to answer the "why"...

People hurt their entire lives over this a lot of the time, and I think they get to a point where the grief ends (for the most part) (and it is no longer fresh) and they just want to know "why", and the answer to that might be the final "nail in the coffin", so to speak, to giving them peace finally with it...

I want people to post how they would go about explaining the why...?

God Bless!

 

[Sam91]

It is hypothetical, and all that is good, and is what I would try to do, especially right at the onset, and while it was still "fresh" as I already said...

But, I want this thread to be about trying to answer the "why"...

People hurt their entire lives over this a lot of the time, and I think they get to a point where the grief ends (for the most part) (and it is no longer fresh) and they just want to know "why", and the answer to that might be the final "nail in the coffin", so to speak, to giving them peace finally with it...

I want people to post how they would go about explaining the why...?

God Bless!

It's not hypothetical for me. I haven't had an answer I'd feel right giving to them and haven't brought God into it except for witnessing of the support He gives me. My dad lost his son 4/4/17 and my partner died of cancer 19/12/2015 so I speak to his mum and Gran. The Gran is angry at God as she lost her son and her grandson. I would like something to be able to say to her other than empathising and saying it's not God's fault and she might find comfort in the Bible I gave her. She's an ex Catholic. Although these are adult children. But aged 26 and 30, so still young.

 

[Neogaia777]

It's not hypothetical for me. I haven't had an answer I'd feel right giving to them and haven't brought God into it except for witnessing of the support He gives me. My dad lost his son 4/4/17 and my partner died of cancer 19/12/2015 so I speak to his mum and Gran. The Gran is angry at God as she lost her son and her grandson. I would like something to be able to say to her other than empathising and saying it's not God's fault and she might find comfort in the Bible I gave her. She's an ex Catholic. Although these are adult children. But aged 26 and 30, so still young.

I lost my dad at 18, to a heart attack, and my mother also, to cancer, at the age of 21... (38 now)...

I have no brothers or sisters, I'm an only Child with only a very few relatives left, and none of them directly related...

I'm divorced (3 years ago) and have no children of my own, it's just me and God, for the most part now...

Kinda lonely sometimes, but has it's positives along with it's negatives, it kind of free's me up and I can do "whatever" "I" want... No one has any say in my life now, but me and God...

Peace,

God Bless!

 

[Dave G.]

My wife and I never lost a child and our kids are now fully grown adults with kids of their own. The potential still exists even though they are adults. My pastor lost a son at war, he said no one can speak of these things if they have not experienced it themselves. But he can say this much, as miserable as it is when living with God, he can't imagine it without God. My wife and I agreed decades ago that if we should lose a child, should the unthinkable happen to one of them, we will thank God for the time we had on earth with this child, continue the walk with God. He will be our source of comfort in that time.If that child dies for what ever reason, it's unlikely that it was Gods plan to punish us. A little different perhaps but my wife had a miscarriage very early on in pregnancy. We never knew the child but well it is what it is, maybe things were not going to be normal with that child..

I knew a guy at work who's only child, a 17yo daughter committed suicide. He could barely function even after weeks off from work. His pain appeared unbearable and he rejected God, he said God took His baby from him. And after work he would go and sit by her grave. In time he went and bought a new car in a step towards moving on. See right into the world system of things. You can't judge in these situations but as usual in us humans it comes down to self preservation or just self period. A firm solid ground base of operation needs to be established in God and park right there all through our lives, because we just never know what is on our plate next but we do know that being in Jesus, He will be with us..

We all lose loved ones, my dads death was exceptionally bazaar , unexpected with ridiculous twists and turns of events . It screwed with my brain for 5 years. Draw nearer to God and He will draw nearer to you is all I can say James 4:8. In that verse it speaks of double mindedness but isn't that what we do in these situations, our minds get scrambled ! We need to be steadfast on God. He will be the source of relief not ourselves. And as we draw near to Him , he may send in an angle or a saint who has just the right words for us to aid our recovery.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

The question really is what can you say? Especially if its a young child. No words can really do alot. The parents will have such hard grief that its dependent on them when they choose to accept it and move on. BTW I don't mean that in a harsh way like "Move on already!". I mean moving past the point of questioning God as to why it happened for example.

In alot of situations I'd say "God has a plan and loves you!". But in this situation such a line may make them question even more why God let it happen. Its why I usually say "We don't not know the how or why, but we can rest in knowing <name> is standing there with God pain free. He/she was loved by many and will impact us all as a community. Rest assured God wept to for <name>s passing, just as He weeps with you in your hour of despair."

 

[CrystalDragon]

I hope this is hypothetical! If someone has lost a child these answers will seem trite. I would tell them God mourns along with you, and if I can help out or just listen I would be glad to do so. I would try to be God with skin on to this person. Grief is a process and God knows that. Love is more important than doctrine, especially when tragedy occurs. You might want to read The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, then A Grief Observed. The play is good too. All our human words in the face of grief is just so much noise in the wind.

I feel like saying "God mourns along with you" would only serve to shatter their faith. After all, God is omnipotent and could easily stop it, and everything happens according to his will, meaning therefore he's in control of everything and thus can't mourn or regret. If so then that means something happens outside his plan or will and he'd cease to be God in the sense of the attributes we define God with (omnipotence, omnipresent, and all-knowing)

 

[Dave G.]

It's especially difficult with small children. There is so much hands on with them, they become our lives. They can become number 1 in our lives, where really that position is reserved for God . On our list of priorities no thing and no one should be placed before God. Put Him first and the others fall in place.

Again I'm speaking of preparation for that unthinkable day, you can't expect someone who is weak in God suddenly on the day of a child's death becomes strong in God ( not impossible I suppose but unlikely). They are unpracticed in trust and faith in Him and now their lives have been totally shattered. The poster before me is correct about there isn't a whole lot that can be said to someone who has lost a child. Don't look for a magic wand of words to wave over them, maybe just be there for them and one day a good word might fall in place at a time in season..

 

[JoeP222w]

What do you tell someone, who, say, their young child dies of say, cancer, or something...?

By the grace of God, firstly, I would proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ to them, but with utmost compassion and grace and humility. No one's death should be wasted by not proclaiming the gospel.

I will not give them false hope that their child is in Heaven, especially if I did not know the child at all. Likewise I would not tell them definitively that their child is in Hell. God is the only one who knew the child's heart, not me. But I would tell them the hope that they can have in Jesus Christ, if they turn from their sins and trust in Jesus Christ. I am concerned more with those who continue to live while they still have the time to repent and trust in Jesus. The dead person can no longer repent if they were not saved, and if they were saved, they are in the presence of Jesus, so they no longer need repentance.

They want to know "why"...?

Sometimes, no answer is the best, because we do not know the mind of God and His perfect timing, except what He has revealed to us in His Bible.

 

[*LILAC]

I actually have a friend whose son died of cancer and I still never have the right words to say. All I can hope is they are comforted by the Holy Spirit as they try to move forward in life.

 

[Dave G.]

What I said about a good word "in season" applies here. I don't think upon the death of their beloved child is the time to be having them put their hands on the bible and you walk them through Romans road to salvation, unless they are on their death bed themselves. Maybe a year later if the opportunity unveils itself. You gotta use a little scruples.

 

[Radrook]

This reminds me of an occasion during which I was participating in the ministry and encountered a woman who was in grief over the death of her husband. The Christian female who accompanied me engaged her in all sorts of totally irrelevant chatting which I considered a waste of time since it seemed irrelevant to providing her with some biblically based hope.

So feeling duty-bound, I whipped out my Bible and began quoting scriptures about the resurrection of the dead. All went well until I read the one concerning the resurrection to judgment. Whereupon the woman, who had been silently sitting next to me, suddenly burst out in tears.

The sister who was with me attempted to console her by smugly explaining that I didn't know any better because I was newly-baptized and such a thing was to be expected.

I really regretted having quoted that scripture to that grieving woman. After all, I didn't know her husband personally and if indeed he had been an evil man, then that scripture would have been totally inappropriate.

I had stupidly assumed that she was grieving because he had been a good man. My mistake!

 

[Zoii]

Please dont say those things to parents with a dead child

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Thinking about this, my wife is pregnant and about a month along. But if for some reason there is a miscarriage, I don't know the words to comfort her because as a woman she will be utterly devastated. She will probably blame her self and everyone else.

I wouldn't be as sad simply because I know if it was meant to be the baby would be alive. But that is something I would not tell her really. I pray she does not see this post because I don't want her to realize miscarriage is common sometimes with your first baby and at her age.

All I could really do is hold her and try to comfort her with words. I'd have to leave it to God to totally heal and console her.