What do you do when you feel far from God? What do you all do when your emotions and thoughts, especially the irrational thoughts take hold? These last two days for me have been bad. Angry, feeling disconnected, ready to just run away b/c I feel I am just a burden and more of pain to deal with than anything. Plan on going to a new church Sunday, to visit it, and I don't feel worthy enough at this point to step foot in a house of worship...I know God loves me...but I am worried I am disappointing him b/c of these last two days. I tried talking to a Christian friend about this, but she seemed to just push aside the whole BPD issue, like it was no big deal...I guess you have to live it, to experience it to know it is. I am sorry I am rambling.
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What do you do?
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madison1101
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- Sep 17, 2004
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Borderline Personality Disorder is a pattern of behaviors and thoughts. Change your thinking about life and stuff and your behavior will change, so will your feelings.
One of the problems I had when I had BPD was that my feelings controlled my behavior. That was agony, but when I learned to control my behavior, with the help of God, my life changed dramatically.
I have learned alternatives to negative behavior. I don't have to flip out anymore, and I have not had a flp-out in years. I don't have to act out anymore. I am not out of control, God is in control.
Romans says we are to be transformed by the renewing our mind. Tranform your mind by reading God's Word and studying it.
Go to church. Churches are hospitals for the spiritually wounded, not clubhouses for the holy. Do not let your feelings hold you back from worshipping out Lord and Saviour.
One of the problems I had when I had BPD was that my feelings controlled my behavior. That was agony, but when I learned to control my behavior, with the help of God, my life changed dramatically.
I have learned alternatives to negative behavior. I don't have to flip out anymore, and I have not had a flp-out in years. I don't have to act out anymore. I am not out of control, God is in control.
Romans says we are to be transformed by the renewing our mind. Tranform your mind by reading God's Word and studying it.
Go to church. Churches are hospitals for the spiritually wounded, not clubhouses for the holy. Do not let your feelings hold you back from worshipping out Lord and Saviour.
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I wouldn't say I flip out...hasn't happened in a long time, but sometimes I emotionally break down. It hasn't happened in a long time, just these last two days or so. Could be because this past two months life has been very different from normal, and routine is very important to me and I have not had a full night's sleep in about two weeks, so I am exhausted.
I read and study God's word daily, through out the day. I stay in prayer.
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jesusmyhealer
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I recently joined a Christian Church coz of my moods, depression etc. all for the sake of my 3 year old daughter coz I feel sorry for her.
When I go to church and come back home I'm all wonderful and feel great and then it all kicks in again til I go to church.
I think I got Bipolar.
So like you I think to myself what is God thinking, one minute I'm a good Christian and then I turn wild like I'm posessed by the exorcist or something.
I need to change and quick smart before I turn my daughter into a fruit loop like me. My moods are affecting her and it's not good.
So when you find a solution to all this, let me know.
When I go to church and come back home I'm all wonderful and feel great and then it all kicks in again til I go to church.
I think I got Bipolar.
So like you I think to myself what is God thinking, one minute I'm a good Christian and then I turn wild like I'm posessed by the exorcist or something.
I need to change and quick smart before I turn my daughter into a fruit loop like me. My moods are affecting her and it's not good.
So when you find a solution to all this, let me know.
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Incidentally, I've left the faith. I think that I converted to Christianity as a result of the BPD, and I've felt very far from the Mother this whole time. I'm not going to give advice about feeling far from God, since you're Christian and I'm Hindu, but I'm more than happy to lend a hand if needed.
Sweetheart, you are a wonderful person. I'm willing to bet that every last one of us who suffer from BPD feel the same way as you: angry, disconnected, avoidant, depressed...it seems to go on forever. I know. I feel it, too, every single day of my life. I often find myself thinking that I just might be better off if I cut communication with all my loved ones. For a time, I did this, but I soon realized that I cannot win this battle alone. There are people who love you, so hold onto them. Love them. Appreciate them. Your true friends will not run from you over an illness just as real as cancer or diabetes.
Some people will not - or just don't want to - understand the type of pain we live with. BPD has the potential to be crippling, and the people with it need love and support rather than condemnation and abandonment. Surround yourself with the people who understand this. Yes, one must experience the pain to truly know it, but there are people who will love you just the same. BPD does not define you, or me, or anyone else here. We are much more than our illness. We paint, we sing, we laugh, we study, we work, and we love.
I hope you stick around. That wasn't a ramble you posted there, but no one here really minds rambling, anyway.
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I so identify with you!! I wish I had answers. I am 59, and have wasted my entire life. I don't feel like a real person: its like a big hunk of me is missing. I just started therapy, and really hpe it helps. I am reading all the books I can on the subject. I don't want to offer you any plattitudes. That's what people offer me all the time. They may work for "normal" people, but just make me feel more like a failure. I so want to be a good person, but feel so inadequate, guilty, and emotionally needy. There is a great chasm in what I believe and know in my head---Jesus died for even me, God loves unconditionally--for instance, and what I FEEL in my gut--God is disgusted with me, I will never be good enough to measure up to His expectations, He could not possibly love me because nobody else does, etc---Intellectually I know these are lies, but they are still what I FEEL is true about me. I am going to try to be kinder to myself because I know that I am really a very wounded little girl with no identity--even though I am 59 years old. I know this was not encouraging, but maybe it will help you realize that you are not alone in your misery. I must and do believe there is hope for us. I think we can start the road to recovery by consciously TRYING to cut ourselves a little slack for not being what we want to be, and Trying to reach out to other people who can accept us as we are and giving us some positive feedback about ourselves. And, by all means keep reaching out to Christ. He will eventually bring to light what is hidden in darkness, and he will consider the desires and motives of our HEARTS, not just our outward behaviors and failures.
Bonnie
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