How to Deal With Horniness as a Christian? What to Do?

[Peculiarone]

Sorry for being so abrasive but I am an open minded woman. I have been dating my beau for some time now and I tell you, abstinance is soemthing else. But what do you do when you are horny and he is looking so fine, talking smooth about non-sexual things....just being him....what to do?

I have read books, taken cold showers, beaten the pillows..pray, y'all know..but really what to do when you are horny man?

 

[silentpoet]

What keeps me stilled is my love and respect for her. I have felt lust, and it is quite different from what I feel for her.

 

[Johnnz]

Sorry to say, there is no "off" switch on our sex drive. Feeling the way you do is not abnormal, evil, disgusting or anything else negative. God made us sexual creatures, and when with someone we love, that is a normal response.

If you are not wanting to give into your sex drive at this stage, it is a matter of management (choose time alone carefully etc) and enduring a bit if discomfort. The issue can be managed best when you have both strong values and a definate goal about getting married. Otherwise, it will be an endurance test for you.

John
NZ

 

[Pope Gonzo]

It's so frustrating to say it, but just force yourselves not to get into the situation I know exactly where you're coming from.

 

[AngelusSax]

When I'm horny? I try to find an XBOX as fast as possible and play football. Nothing like seeing images depicting 300 pound men going after each other violently (and mostly non-sexually... ESPN2K5 reference, if anyone plays that and notices the fans and a few celebrations) to turn me off.

Either that, or discuss politics. That's also a huge turnoff, at least for me.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Peculiar, you sound very like me - I'm dating someone (albeit I'm living with him, so that makes it a lot harder - not for too much longer lately), and somedays, it would be very easy to just let emotions take over and find ourselves in a place we don't want to be.

I guess lately, it's kinda like the lust thought is a baseball, that I have to hit as far away from me as I can (I work in word pictures sometimes, forgive me). The thought crops up, and I use everything in my power to get it outta there. Last night I was commanding lust to flee (rather loudly in my bedroom) from me in the name of Jesus Christ, and that seemed to work.

Sometimes I need to get out and go for a drive. The last couple of times I have done this, I've taken my boyfriend with me, and it's inspired a lot of really good talks. We'll go somewhere and park the car, and then take a long walk to a lookout or something, and talk a bit more about it, and how we can each help each other out when the temptation gets too much.

Another idea is to think about who it benefits - more often or not those thoughts will all be about bringing YOU pleasure, rather than blessing your partner. That's something that stops me right in my tracks. I know that waiting and preventing things from getting out of hand will help us in the future whilst we are still developing a healthy relationship - and in reality, 4 years or so of celibacy now is not that long, when I think of our future marriage, and how long that will ultimately last for.

Sasch

 

[Ringu]

you feel horny because you want to. Not that you choose to feel this specific drive -- you choose to come to it. I mean, you don't feel horny when you talk casual stuff or do whatever, especially when people are around. You feel horny when you get too close to sex. That's it. You do something, right? Like french kisses, petting or whatever. Other then that you (or he) would not start feeling horny. So if you want to fight it -- got to start with fighing the cause not the effect. You understand what I mean? Abstenance is fine when you are not about to make love with him. I think it's pretty easy logic.

 

[LadyBird]

When I do, I tell my boyfriend, and then we just do something else. Like, we'll stop kissing or whatever we're doing and go watch tv, go get something to eat and sometimes we'll pray. All of those things work great. Just get out of the situation. And talk about it.

 

[Peculiarone]

SOmetimes I just say...whatever..lets go at it baby! And then we're gone.

But yes it is hard to keep all your eggs in one basket.

 

[InTheFlame]

I can't really add anything to the advice, but I thought I'd point out that the 'what to do when horny' problem doesn't just get fixed when you get married. There's still problems like being in the mood when hubby's had a 10-hr day and is asleep on his feet, or being unable to have sex comfortably (sometimes this happens in pregnancy, or with infections), or hubby experiencing arousal problems (it's fairly common). Pre-marriage you'll often both be ready as, but eventually that wears off or other problems come about... the self-restraint you learn from abstaining before marriage will be very valuable after marriage.

 

[Lbiagm]

i take a walk.

 

[CDN Red Raider]

you feel horny because you want to. Not that you choose to feel this specific drive -- you choose to come to it. I mean, you don't feel horny when you talk casual stuff or do whatever, especially when people are around. You feel horny when you get too close to sex. That's it. You do something, right? Like french kisses, petting or whatever. Other then that you (or he) would not start feeling horny. So if you want to fight it -- got to start with fighing the cause not the effect. You understand what I mean? Abstenance is fine when you are not about to make love with him. I think it's pretty easy logic.

i dont think i can agree with this. my girlfriend has commented that thoughts will start coming when she just sees me. no french kissing, petting, or anything like that. i know from personal experience, it doesnt take anything really passionate to get the wheels rolling. sometimes, my girlfriend just looks stunningly beautiful and i just wanna be all over her. she cant really help it, she cant try dressing differently or anything. she is just a very pretty girl, and when i think about her all the time its easy to get dreamy.

on to the original question, thanks for starting this thread. these ideas are some i could really use. what often will work between me and my girlfriend is reminding ourselves that God has a better plan for us, and the extra joy that will be there on our honeymoon for everyone of those tempting moments that arises that we dont let grab ahold of us.

 

[Ringu]

i dont think i can agree with this. my girlfriend has commented that thoughts will start coming when she just sees me. no french kissing, petting, or anything like that. i know from personal experience, it doesnt take anything really passionate to get the wheels rolling.

Why don't you just get married then if you become horny just by seeing each other? I mean, it seems kind of off normal.

sometimes, my girlfriend just looks stunningly beautiful and i just wanna be all over her. she cant really help it, she cant try dressing differently or anything. she is just a very pretty girl, and when i think about her all the time its easy to get dreamy.

I think that maybe we don't understand each other quite right. Let's define what's being horny. I think that thinking about how your girl is all beautiful does not automatically mean that you are horny. I think that for a guy an obvious sign of being horny is erection of his reproductive organ. Being horny is something more physical then just some thoughts. It is a state of your body when you have your male hormones pinning, and it does not happen in 1 second when you just take a look at someone gorgeous.

 

[eyeliv4God]

It's hard being a female.. I see myself getting stuck in this all the time.

 

[Ginsu]

When I'm horny? I try to find an XBOX as fast as possible and play football.

I do the same but instead of football I have Starwars.

it doesn't help tho, Ewoks turn me on. haha

 

[Sir Donkey of Punchington]

This is because they're furry and cute.

Yub yub!

 

[CDN Red Raider]

Why don't you just get married then if you become horny just by seeing each other? I mean, it seems kind of off normal.

I think that maybe we don't understand each other quite right. Let's define what's being horny. I think that thinking about how your girl is all beautiful does not automatically mean that you are horny. I think that for a guy an obvious sign of being horny is erection of his reproductive organ. Being horny is something more physical then just some thoughts. It is a state of your body when you have your male hormones pinning, and it does not happen in 1 second when you just take a look at someone gorgeous.

first off, marriage at this point isnt practical. if it was we would be married.

second, im a guy, i know what its like to be horny and i didnt misuse it. i know what im saying when i say she can make me horny by doing absolutly nothing. its not every time i see her, but it happens.

 

[Living4Him03]

I remember that he's my friend, as hot as he does look 100% of the time. I also try to think of other than physical qualities I like about him. Or I will pray and tell God that I'm struggling. Also, it helps to put yourselves in a situation where you're less likely to think those thoughts...go shopping, go get coffee, go study at the library, go out with a group, etc. It really is a struggle though. Tempting situations will arise...I think it's all in how you respond to them. Check out http://dbcmedia.org/1-866-DBC-TAPES/list.php?series_id=39466 . Click on the first sermon and if you have real audio you can listen to the whole series online. It's a series of sermons about the song of solomon/song of songs ...It's really good

 

[Living4Him03]

Peculiar, you sound very like me - I'm dating someone (albeit I'm living with him, so that makes it a lot harder - not for too much longer lately), and somedays, it would be very easy to just let emotions take over and find ourselves in a place we don't want to be.

I guess lately, it's kinda like the lust thought is a baseball, that I have to hit as far away from me as I can (I work in word pictures sometimes, forgive me). The thought crops up, and I use everything in my power to get it outta there. Last night I was commanding lust to flee (rather loudly in my bedroom) from me in the name of Jesus Christ, and that seemed to work.

Sometimes I need to get out and go for a drive. The last couple of times I have done this, I've taken my boyfriend with me, and it's inspired a lot of really good talks. We'll go somewhere and park the car, and then take a long walk to a lookout or something, and talk a bit more about it, and how we can each help each other out when the temptation gets too much.

Another idea is to think about who it benefits - more often or not those thoughts will all be about bringing YOU pleasure, rather than blessing your partner. That's something that stops me right in my tracks. I know that waiting and preventing things from getting out of hand will help us in the future whilst we are still developing a healthy relationship - and in reality, 4 years or so of celibacy now is not that long, when I think of our future marriage, and how long that will ultimately last for.

Sasch

That's such a good idea! To take a drive and chat...I think it works well. It does bring up some good conversation.

For those who say you must be doing something to get horny, I disagree. Guys CAN get turned on and have a physical response without doing anything with a girl and vice versa for females. I know I can have a response without touching a guy. So it's not just about doing something. I think it begins with a pure thought life. You really have to practice thinking of things you should be thinking of instead of letting your mind wander or daydream.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

This is because they're furry and cute.

Yub yub!

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