What do I do?

[Neostarwcc]

As some of you who know me, I'm actually Canadian. I was born in Ontario and I lived there until I was six and a half years old. Back then my family was happy and I had a father who loved me and who thought the world of me. I'll never forget the day I heard we were moving, or the day we left. And I'll never forget my first day of school in New York.

Ever since I heard we were leaving I've wanted to go back, but I either listened to my father, mother, or didn't have the money to go. Now that my wife is working and I know I can qualify for ODSP in Ontario we would actually be better off financially living in Cornwall Ontario than we would be here. So anyway, I stupidly told my mother I was moving back to Canada and that I was homesick and my mom's instant reaction was "Guess we didn't do enough for you here in the States and I guess we weren't good parents."

I mean... one thing about my mom? As much as shes my world and pretty much the only world I've ever known? She does this all the time to get her way. That or she genuinely feels like somebody hates her or that it's about her when It's not. I just miss Canada and I was never happy in America! And when I did blame my parents I was 6 year old autistic child! I also was a 6 year old autistic child who didn't know and was never told why we moved in the first place! Had they told me why I wouldn't have been so upset but they hid it from me until I was like 30 years old!

Just... idk... Idk what to do.. I want my mom not to be made but... I want to go back to Canada too. I've been miserable here for almost 3 and a half decades now... I kind of want to go back home... But.. I don't want my mom to think I hate her either....

 

[Maria Billingsley]

As some of you who know me, I'm actually Canadian. I was born in Ontario and I lived there until I was six and a half years old. Back then my family was happy and I had a father who loved me and who thought the world of me. I'll never forget the day I heard we were moving, or the day we left. And I'll never forget my first day of school in New York.

Ever since I heard we were leaving I've wanted to go back, but I either listened to my father, mother, or didn't have the money to go. Now that my wife is working and I know I can qualify for ODSP in Ontario we would actually be better off financially living in Cornwall Ontario than we would be here. So anyway, I stupidly told my mother I was moving back to Canada and that I was homesick and my mom's instant reaction was "Guess we didn't do enough for you here in the States and I guess we weren't good parents."

I mean... one thing about my mom? As much as shes my world and pretty much the only world I've ever known? She does this all the time to get her way. That or she genuinely feels like somebody hates her or that it's about her when It's not. I just miss Canada and I was never happy in America! And when I did blame my parents I was 6 year old autistic child! I also was a 6 year old autistic child who didn't know and was never told why we moved in the first place! Had they told me why I wouldn't have been so upset but they hid it from me until I was like 30 years old!

Just... idk... Idk what to do.. I want my mom not to be made but... I want to go back to Canada too. I've been miserable here for almost 3 and a half decades now... I kind of want to go back home... But.. I don't want my mom to think I hate her either....

IDK either....you could potentially be miserable in Canada as well.
Be blessed.

 

[SabbathBlessings]

As some of you who know me, I'm actually Canadian. I was born in Ontario and I lived there until I was six and a half years old. Back then my family was happy and I had a father who loved me and who thought the world of me. I'll never forget the day I heard we were moving, or the day we left. And I'll never forget my first day of school in New York.

Ever since I heard we were leaving I've wanted to go back, but I either listened to my father, mother, or didn't have the money to go. Now that my wife is working and I know I can qualify for ODSP in Ontario we would actually be better off financially living in Cornwall Ontario than we would be here. So anyway, I stupidly told my mother I was moving back to Canada and that I was homesick and my mom's instant reaction was "Guess we didn't do enough for you here in the States and I guess we weren't good parents."

I mean... one thing about my mom? As much as shes my world and pretty much the only world I've ever known? She does this all the time to get her way. That or she genuinely feels like somebody hates her or that it's about her when It's not. I just miss Canada and I was never happy in America! And when I did blame my parents I was 6 year old autistic child! I also was a 6 year old autistic child who didn't know and was never told why we moved in the first place! Had they told me why I wouldn't have been so upset but they hid it from me until I was like 30 years old!

Just... idk... Idk what to do.. I want my mom not to be made but... I want to go back to Canada too. I've been miserable here for almost 3 and a half decades now... I kind of want to go back home... But.. I don't want my mom to think I hate her either....

You're an adult and need to make the decisions that are best for you and your family. The Bible says
Gen 2:24

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Your mom will eventually come around and you can always visit her or have her visit you.

 

[timf]

You wouldn't be the first person to attribute discontent to where you live. However, discontent can come from internal sources and those we take with us.

 

[MForbes]

Think twice about moving back to Canada. Your apparent history with health problems and getting treatment is going to be much worse in Canada.

"Free" health care means getting substandard treatment and put on a long wait list.

 

[Zceptre]

As some of you who know me, I'm actually Canadian. I was born in Ontario and I lived there until I was six and a half years old. Back then my family was happy and I had a father who loved me and who thought the world of me. I'll never forget the day I heard we were moving, or the day we left. And I'll never forget my first day of school in New York.

Ever since I heard we were leaving I've wanted to go back, but I either listened to my father, mother, or didn't have the money to go. Now that my wife is working and I know I can qualify for ODSP in Ontario we would actually be better off financially living in Cornwall Ontario than we would be here. So anyway, I stupidly told my mother I was moving back to Canada and that I was homesick and my mom's instant reaction was "Guess we didn't do enough for you here in the States and I guess we weren't good parents."

I mean... one thing about my mom? As much as shes my world and pretty much the only world I've ever known? She does this all the time to get her way. That or she genuinely feels like somebody hates her or that it's about her when It's not. I just miss Canada and I was never happy in America! And when I did blame my parents I was 6 year old autistic child! I also was a 6 year old autistic child who didn't know and was never told why we moved in the first place! Had they told me why I wouldn't have been so upset but they hid it from me until I was like 30 years old!

Just... idk... Idk what to do.. I want my mom not to be made but... I want to go back to Canada too. I've been miserable here for almost 3 and a half decades now... I kind of want to go back home... But.. I don't want my mom to think I hate her either....

I'm not usually this forward, but reading this I think I have to be blunt just to be completely honest and clear.

For starters, MForbes hit the nail on the head in part here. I've heard more nightmares about the healthcare system there than I could even begin to count, including seeing documentaries about the "maid" system where they are killing people off? Might be a good idea to look into such things personally for your own decision making and insight as to the reality of the nature of things in Canada.

Secondly... (and most importantly), I think you have a slight delusion going within you about the idea that Canada is going to be heaven on Earth and all the misery of the world will go away etc etc. Not that it couldn't be better, as who knows, maybe it could. But I've seen this mindset about moving a lot of times, including in myself, and the old phrase "the grass isn't greener on the other side"...? Well there is a reason it gained so much traction.

Seems to me what I'm trying to offer you in terms on understanding is this, that often we think a person, or a place, or anything but where we are or what we are in or dealing with will be better than right here and right now... when in reality we are just experiencing nostalgia, or we have ideas in our head that aren't true in reality.

This happens with people who have long distant relationships because they have ideas of the other person that aren't based in reality, it happens when people move away from a home at a young age, and it happens very often when job offers are given and the prospect of better wages and easier days in finances seem like a dream vacation. This is of course........ until we meet the person with flaws, go back to a home that isn't really what we remembered, or encounter the difficulties that were hidden from our eyes that make life hell with the new job that suddenly isn't worth the higher pay.

I'm not intending to be a dream killer, I hate "doubt casting" (which this post sounds like but isn't the intention!), but I just think you should be extra 200% sure of whatever it is you are doing before you do it and not just based on memories from a 6 year old's perspective. When I was 6 years old, I found out I had a lot of misconceptions in life, especially about where I lived.

Wouldn't jump off a cliff is all. If there is no way back, it is jumping off a cliff. If there is recourse, or you won't get stuck in a bad situation, maybe go for it. If you can try it without entirely buying it, and can move back, then I don't see why not.

(For the record, I prefer to be wrong about these things, but a fallen world just isn't cupcakes and rainbow sprinkles even when it seems it could be with a simple change. Maybe I'm wrong and you would be super happy there... I just think the odds are lower for that outcome in the state the world is currently in. It's pretty bad everywhere.)

Prayers for guidance, and also for perspective and for joy for you in your heart wherever you are. Misery doesn't seem location dependent from all the experiences and reference experiences I've gathered. God is with us, and loves us, and it is incredible how much He does. That is a foundation for our joy, if we can dig our heels in and focus on it more.

 

[PloverWing]

New York State and Ontario can both be great places to live. I know people living happy lives in both those places.

Here are some things that stand out to me in your post that you might think about.

1. "Now that my wife is working": Does she have to give up her job if you move, or are you close enough to the US/Canadian border that she could commute to her current workplace? Is she okay with having to commute a longer distance, or with having to give up her job?

2. "Back then my family was happy and I had a father who loved me and who thought the world of me.": If you're trying to recapture what family life was like when you were six, you can't get that by moving to Ontario. You and your parents have grown older and changed in the last few decades, and the relationships within your family have changed; that will be true no matter which state or province you live in. If you move, you will still be yourself, and your parents and wife will still be themselves.

3. "I've been miserable here for almost 3 and a half decades now.": Have you been miserable because you live in New York, or because of other factors?

Here is, maybe, a more positive way to ask about your decision: What specifically about Ontario draws you there (besides their health care system)? Are their geographical places that you like visiting because of their beauty, or do you enjoy the city life in Toronto, or are there cultural differences between the US and Canada that make Canadian culture resonate with you, or something else like that? Where would you move, and what would you most enjoy about that city or town?