what do I do?

[FireDragon76]

I am 37 years old and I was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 33. I'm disabled and I've not worked since I was a teenager, and I cannot drive and I lost my license due to a horrible beaurocratic mess 2 years ago (not everybody in government is all that objective, IMO). I grew up Methodist and became interested in God as a teenager. I thought about how interesting in might be to live a monastic life of prayer, but being a Methodist I didn't understand how that could be- I lived in England at the time on a US-rented military base but I got involved with a group of strict "evangelicals" that were pietist baptist types and it turned me off from Christianity and I was irreligious until age 32. Since then I've had a religious struggle of sorts with hot and cold periods. But I still remember my times as a teenager.

Since then I've gotten involved in a relationship with somebody else with disabilities and there are issues to us ever being married, financial and otherwise And i'm trying to discern if I feel called to some kind of religious vocation. Sometimes I still wonder if I shouldn't check mysellf into monastic life (I attend an Episcopalian church, but I've also explored Eastern Orthodoxy- but I wonder sometimes if I'm too liberal for that. There's tension in me about those things, alot of uncertainty in my identity). I've also thought about going to school and studying theology and preach- several people that are not that religious have encouraged me to do so, in fact, but I'm not sure if there's any room in the Episcopal Church or Anglicanism for a preacher with Autism.

I love reading the Daily Offices, singing hymns and praying, and I've had some very powerful spiritual experiences in the past few years. I've also had a few occasions where I see evidence that my intercessory prayers have helped people, once in a very dramatic way. Socially- I'm capable and high functioning. I have made friends. I'm seen as bookish and a little aloof but I'm friendly and people usually find me interesting. But... social interactions are very draining, I'm very introverted and I spend alot of time alone. And I tend to be a bit scrupulous at times, I believe this is due to my Asperger's temperment.

Right now in my life it's hard to hear what I should be doing about all this, it feels like I'm pulled in too many directions. I also struggle with feelings of inadequacy alot, sometimes the feelings are very heavy.

 

[RCF]

FireDragon76,
I cannot give you good advice on everything you are asking, but one thing I am sure of: we could definitely use people with autism in church leadership. We need people that understand autism to lead the church so that others with autism can learn, follow, and eventually lead as well. I know of none better to explain the need for tolerance than someone that has and is living with the subject matter needing understood.

I don't know all about your particular case, but have you talked with any clergy about what you are considering? People familiar to you may be able to give you some additional insight. That is, unless you are really feeling pulled by God. I have found that when God tells me to do things, it really doean't matter what my friends say. Sometimes, I just have to do what I have to do.

RCF

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I lived for a few years in an eastern orthodox monastery. It was a good experience but not for me in the long run. Is there a monastery by you? Where I lived, one of the first common steps is that people would "attend" a nearby monastery daily or nightly depending on their schedule and kind of live a double life to see if it's for them. Then if they liked it the next step they would move in and become a novice. I was novice for a couple years but never ended up getting tonsured.


Reading your email, its sounds like High-Church Anglican would be a good match for you.

 

[FireDragon76]

No, there are none near me. A priest gave me a book about an Episcopal monastery in Michigan.