What do I do???

[Stealth001]

Here's my situation...

I used to be in ministry (on the preaching roster etc.) and then my wife left me (long story). I was so heart broken and my church treated me like something was wrong with me because my wife left. I lost heart and backslid and left the church. That was two years ago. I met a girl and started "dating". I've known her since high school. She's also a divorcee. Things moved rather quickly and we moved in together. We had started going to church (a different church) and she's become very spiritual. I'm reading my Bible more than I have in the past two years. We're very prayerful and we're working things out slowly. Yes, we are considering marriage within the next year to two years.

But here's my problem...

With the increase of spirituality in my life again I'm starting to feel like I need to "witness". It's a burning desire in my heart. But because our situation isn't perfect I feel like I have no right to.

Please share your thoughts and pray for me.

 

[SteveNZ]

Hi Stealth,

I am praying for you.

Hmmmm ... I know what it is like to have a marriage fail.
And then I ask, now what?

I sort of smiled at your question. For you are a witness already. Folk will know you are a Christian and look at you, your lifestyle, the way you speak ....etc etc

I think I hear what you are saying. How does this sound.

You want to get into a position of saying '..I have chosen a lifestyle and way that honours my Lord Jesus... and he is working on me step by step to be more how he wants me to be...please let me share about my Lord with you, he is great..'.

I do personally think that to be an ourspoken minister/preacher a person must have a lifestyle that is a good witness.

1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; ... etc

1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well......


May I humbly suggest that until a commitment of a marriage and proven respect of this (ie a year or two at least) is in place there is not such a healthy witness. I beleive that this is inferred in the above scripture for todays culture. ie That a sound formal marriage to one person is an important evidence of a social maturity expected for those who serve in the church.

Having stated that you do what the Lord has asked you to do. And brothers/sisters in Christ who know you well and will pray and confirm this.

QUESTION - Please do not take this wrong. Do you already know in your heart/conscience what is the correct path for yourself but want to jump in ahead of the building of your marriage?

Blessings in Jesus.

PS - Have just read it through.
Doesn't sound all that encouraging to me?

So remember you are the only 'YOU' that exists and only you can complete the task our Lord has for you.
Please find the direction to follow and run that race before you. Sort out what needs 'sorting out' and be the man of God you were called to be. Takes guts but you sound a man with guts.

 

[elenore]

you're living in sin.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Well no one comes from the perfect place to witness, so you cannot "wait" to witness to other Christians until you are perfect, as I don't think we'll ever be. I'm glad you are no longer backslidden in your faith and things are looking up for you.

 

[steve_bakr]

Here's my situation...

I used to be in ministry (on the preaching roster etc.) and then my wife left me (long story). I was so heart broken and my church treated me like something was wrong with me because my wife left. I lost heart and backslid and left the church. That was two years ago. I met a girl and started "dating". I've known her since high school. She's also a divorcee. Things moved rather quickly and we moved in together. We had started going to church (a different church) and she's become very spiritual. I'm reading my Bible more than I have in the past two years. We're very prayerful and we're working things out slowly. Yes, we are considering marriage within the next year to two years.

But here's my problem...

With the increase of spirituality in my life again I'm starting to feel like I need to "witness". It's a burning desire in my heart. But because our situation isn't perfect I feel like I have no right to.

Please share your thoughts and pray for me.

I am not here to judge you because my wife and I lived together before we were married. My advice to you is to proceed with getting married right now.

Peace of the Lord be with you.
"The heavens declare the glory of the Lord" (Psalms 19:2a)

 

[Stealth001]

I talked this over with a friend of mine and he reminded me of the Samaritan woman at the well. She had been married five times and at the time she was living with a man who wasn't her husband. After her conversation with Jesus she went back into her town and began to tell them about Jesus and they went out to see and hear Jesus for themselves. As a result, many believed on Christ.

The text doesn't state how she delt with the love relationship in her life prior to witnessing of Christ's Messiahship. If her repentance (leaving the man or marrying the man) was key, one would expect the passage to state so. However, God's Word is silent on the matter. Perhaps as a result of coming to faith in Christ, she and her lover chose to marry after these events. Perhaps they parted ways if the man in question didn't desire to marry her or refused to believe in Jesus. We just don't know. What we do know is that she didn't wait to share about her Jesus.

What we see in the story is how an entire town was introduced to Christ by a Samaritan woman who was living with a lover who wasn't her husband.

Talk about totally not what we'd expect in today's church culture. What are some of your thoughts on this one?

 

[VintageDon]

My answer here would simply be a couple of questions, and they are things you need to answer, not other people:

• Have you repented of any current sin and are actively taking steps to resolve it? It's understood that we'll never be perfect here, but ... we're told to consistently strive to be like Christ. Do you feel you're actively doing that? For example, do you believe you're living in sin living together? If so, what steps are you taking right now to solve the issue?
• We witness simply by the way we live our lives. Do you have open, active sin that you feel would cause others to stumble on a new walk with Christ?

Again, these aren't accusations, but rather questions you need to come to grips with before you witness, at least IMO.

 

[SteveNZ]

Talk about totally not what we'd expect in today's church culture. What are some of your thoughts on this one?

Hi Stealth,
I understand what it must be like.

If I was out with you hunting or tramping or sailing (whatever you like to do) I would tell you straight off.

'..You know in your heart what is right and the things you must sort out.
How? Only you can sort out after seeking the Lords guidance.
Be a man and do so!..'

Please do not find excuses or ways to justify things.
Think of your partner and family. May I suggest that it is selfish to ignore them and not go all out to see how to love them with all you can. To help them be who they are meant to be in Christ. What that is, is for you both to pray through seeking godly advice

Remember God loves her as a daughter. He will stand as her Father .

Tell God how you want to treat her and see what he thinks.
I speak like this as I am a father with a daughter.

I pray that you will find Gods path for you.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

+1 to SteveNZ

You're digging for excuses to justify your situation when you need to do the right thing. I had some roommates some years back that did the same thing (she was divorced) so they ended up eloping to remove that issue from themselves and planned a larger wedding later.

 

[Johnnz]

What are you witnessing to - yourself or Jesus? That's the issue. The Christian life is all about how Jesus sets us on a life long journey of transformation. Our testimony is about that relationship and journey.

John
NZ

 

[dayhiker]

Doesn't sound to me like your sinning ... so go out and witness with a clean conscience.

 

[Powerkitejunkie]

Here's my situation...

I used to be in ministry (on the preaching roster etc.) and then my wife left me (long story). I was so heart broken and my church treated me like something was wrong with me because my wife left. I lost heart and backslid and left the church. That was two years ago. I met a girl and started "dating". I've known her since high school. She's also a divorcee. Things moved rather quickly and we moved in together. We had started going to church (a different church) and she's become very spiritual. I'm reading my Bible more than I have in the past two years. We're very prayerful and we're working things out slowly. Yes, we are considering marriage within the next year to two years.

But here's my problem...

With the increase of spirituality in my life again I'm starting to feel like I need to "witness". It's a burning desire in my heart. But because our situation isn't perfect I feel like I have no right to.

Please share your thoughts and pray for me.

Why don't you still date her, but move out until you are married? Actions speak louder than words....

 

[The Nihilist]

With the increase of spirituality in my life again I'm starting to feel like I need to "witness". It's a burning desire in my heart. But because our situation isn't perfect I feel like I have no right to.

If you wait until you are sinless to witness then you will never witness. Start now.

 

[Stealth001]

Why don't you still date her, but move out until you are married? Actions speak louder than words....

Well, it's my place. Second, she doesn't make much money at all. She's primarily part time and manages the kids and the house. If I left, I'd have to pay for two places to live and I can't afford that. She wants a wedding, as does her family, so I haven't been able to convince her to elope with me. We're most likely going to marry within the next 12 months.

It's a less that perfect situation, I know.

 

[Powerkitejunkie]

Why don't you pray to God that he finds a solution? Can't you temporarily move in with parents, either of you? Or have a very cheap wedding?

 

[Powerkitejunkie]

Or even better - why don't you explain to a trusted Christian friend the situation and how tight money is...and ask if you can stay there for a while? You will have more peace of mind, even if you have to sleep on a floor in physical discomfort for a while.....

 

[JCFantasy23]

Why would he give up his place to move back in with his parents? this is a step backward in life and would not be productive for their future together (losing a house to live with parents), not to mention probably harder on the parents.

 

[Powerkitejunkie]

He could still pay for the house to keep it going, but temporarily live with his parents for about a year or so (it won't kill him!) so that he is 'avoiding the appearance of evil' by not living under the same roof as his girlfriend...

He could still visit loads, and just stay til really late at night.... or find somewhere to live nearby with some trusted christian friends that would be willing to put him up rent free - or else he could just get married very quickly for £50 in a registry office!!!

 

[JCFantasy23]

Im sorry that still makes no sense to me. Pay for a house while you live with your parents? It's also a hardship for parents sometimes too, he has to think about others than himself in this situation. As for marrying quickly this is true - but some women are set on having a wedding with their family present and this sounds like the case here. Things are rarely black and white.

 

[Stealth001]

I can't move back in with my parents because my mom is dead and I've never known my father and don't know where he's at. My grandmother is in an assisted living facility and so I can't move in with her.

Christina's mom is elderly and is almost to the point of going to live in an assisted living situation. They don't mind us visiting, but having a five year old in their house stresses them out.

Christian and I are in our mid 30's. We've both been married before. Half my friends believe that remarriage would be adultery anyway. It seems like I'm in a situation wherein to obey God I have to tell her and her daughter to find a place to live, which I feel would be so wrong at this point seeing that I've supported her and given her a home for her and her daughter. She doesn't make much money at all right now and couldn't support her own place. She also doesn't have many friends in church and a lot of them are into drugs. I've always been a rather solitary person, I have two close Christian friends in church, but they have larger families and aren't interested in taking me in. Also, I'm puzzled, I've worked hard to establish a home and be self sufficient. Now I feel like I'm being asked to live like a teenager again. It's rather stressful.

I've been unable to convince her to elope. Her mother, sister, and brothers want her to have a wedding. They feel our relationship is very positive and would like to see her have the things she didn't have in her first marriage. And of course.... she wants to have a wedding. So it's going to take some time and planning to be a married couple. I could move to Texas wherein all I have to do is publically call her my wife. lol Just joking.

This sinful fallen world and condition makes every so painful and complicated.

As for witnessing... I've chosen to not engage in any witnessing or home Bible studies at this time. The problem is too complicated and I'm not wanting to bring reproach on Christ. Just say a prayer for us.