What do I do?

[2Confused]

I am a married stay at home mother of 2 currently 36 years of age... I have been married for 11 years now, 3 years ago, I had an affair out of pure desperation - I know I was wrong and not even deserving of forgiveness... I continued my affair on and off for over 3 years as mostly friendship, and only seeing my "friend" about once a year intimately, just to satisfy the human need in me for a while... I know it was wrong... but I continue to think of how wonderful it felt to feel so good even for a short bit... My husband has never found out... We (my friend and I) stopped the intimate affair but are still friends, he as myself is in a sexless marriage, both of us unhappy but unwilling to ruin our childrens homes... but I however, am desperately lonely and depressed... I did everything I could, I went to counseling, spoke to my husband numerous times about what I needed in regards to having my needs met, and still nothing changed or has changed thus far... I am afraid that now in my life I have passed a point of no return and am completely and utterly unattracted to him because of the past... I tried very hard, obviously not hard enough I guess... Guilt plagues me everyday for what I did and what I want to continue to do sometimes... is it a sin to fantasize about someone else? It's just so hard sometimes and I can't seem to get any feelings back for my husband we have a completely sexless marriage... I just feel that I am emotionally dead to everything... I miss the simple things that we never really had, kissing, hugging, loving, playfulness (not just sex) I thought marriage would change all that... It's the little things that seem to be important to me, but I can't let it go... btw my unattraction to my husband was bought about from his lack of affection and attention to me... It had nothing to do with physical appearance... I honestly didn't think that married couples kissed (maybe only b4 intimacy) until I spoke to my counselor and she told me "not true"... Then I opened up to a few friends as well and realized that that wasn't the case and that my husband cannot be there for me emotionally... Is it emotional abuse? I am not sure... I am not being physically abused or anything like that...

I have however felt very used in the past, like the only time I deserved attention/affection was in the bedroom... I just can't do it anymore... I am so tired of feeling bad about myself...

I continuously ask God for forgiveness especially when I think of leaving and how selfish I am - I should be so thankful for all of my blessings but why the pain everyday when I wake up and everynight when I go to bed??? I know this life here on earth is a short one compared to the everlasting kingdom of heaven... but, I still fall short and want my temporal needs met...

My children have now seemed to notice things (no kissing, or playfulness, romance etc...) Is this bad? Am I damaging them in other ways by staying around? Or am I doing my duty as a wife and mother and sticking this out for "them" and for the covenant I made in church on my wedding day... till death do us part I guess?

He is a good man, and father, he works very hard and long hours so I can stay home with my children which I am very appreciative of... Why do I have to be so unfullfilled - I have Christ in my life and my beautiful kids and family and shouldn't that be enough? Jeremiah 29:11 seems to pop into my head throughout the day... so I try to wait patiently... but it is tough?

I am seriously debating leaving my husband soon... I am so afraid of hurting the children and sad that my husband might be all alone (who will take care of him)... but I don't want to cheat on my husband again, and I don't know how long I can live this way? I want to do things the right way...

Help please, and pray for me? Thank you all so much!

2Confused

 

[goldenviolet]

get some counseling. you need a good therapist or spiritual figure to talk to.
pm me if you want to talk. i post so much i loose track of who i talk to. i don't want to loose track of you. xo dee

 

[2Confused]

I did go to therapy and spent lots of money... wasted money... but at least I tried... I didn't get anywhere... in the end my counselor agreed that I was doing everything I needed to do and I was just spinning my wheels... I made sure I went to a real PhD... I prayed relentlessly and found that if my husband was not willing to change to help my situation and our marriage - I couldn't do it all alone... now my feelings for him are of friendly nature and we share no intimacy and are basically roommates rasing our children... he does not talk about anything or complain... it's as if he knows he can't say anything because he can't give me the affection and we don't date or do anything together... its fake when we are with family or friends... I feel bad because my children see it... I think they can tell we are not in love, and it really saddens me... I was soooo in love with my husband and put him on a pedestal taking care of him for so long... and now... I just don't do it anymore... I can't! Please pray for me - I just want to leave and need strength to stay for my children...

 

[drich0150]

This really isn't a matter of christian advise because you know what you are doing isn't scriptural.. I think you'd have a greater response if you just cut and pasted your OP and started a new thread here:Marriage Restoration - Christian Forums Which is the marriage restoration section of the site.. That is unless you can get a mod to move you for free!!

 

[wonderwaleye]

I am a married stay at home mother of 2... I have been married for 11 years now, 3 years ago, I had an affair out of pure desperation - I know I was wrong and not even deserving of forgiveness... I continued my affair on and off for over 3 years, only seeing my "friend" about once a year, just to fill me up for a while... My husband has never found out... We (my friend and I) stopped the affair... but I am desperately lonely and depressed... I did everything I could, I went to counseling, spoke to my husband numerous times about what I needed... and still nothing changed or has changed... I am afraid that now in my life I have passed a point of no return and am completely and utterly unattracted to him because of the past... I tried so hard... and I just can't seem to get any feelings back for him... we have a completely sexless marriage... I just feel that sometimes I will die from not being intimate (not just sex) I need the little things more than sex... the hugging, kissing, affection etc... btw my unattraction to my husband was bought about from his lack of affection and attention to me... I honestly didn't think that married couples kissed (maybe only b4 intimacy) until I spoke to my counselor and she told me "not true"... I felt used like the only time I deserved attention in that way was unless I was fulfilling him in the "bedroom"... I just can't do it anymore... I am so tired of feeling bad about myself...

I continuously as God for forgiveness of all my thoughts and needs here on this earth... knowing that this life is only a short one, I still fall short and want my temperal needs met... mostly I just want some love, and attention... and to be quite honest even if my husband did finally give me those things (which he can't seem to do no matter how much I ask) I don't think I even want them from him anymore (more like a little too late...)

He is a good man, and father, he works very hard and long hours so I can stay home with my children which I am very appreciative of... I know I shouldn't complain and be happy for what I have... but why? Why am I so unfullfilled - I have Christ in my life and my beautiful kids and family and shouldn't that be enough? I am so confused... please help? I am seriously debating leaving my husband when my children get older, I am afraid of hurting the children and sad that my husband might be all alone (who will take care of him)... but I don't want to cheat on my husband again... I want to do things the right way...

Help? Am I rotten or what??

2Confused

No dear your not rotten, just very human. What you don't realize is this could turn into a BLESSING for you. Just lay your sins at the feet of JESUS and ask that they be washed away with HIS BLOOD so that you be white as snow.

ExodusChapter 34
​

14 You shall not worship any other god, for the LORD is 'the Jealous One'; a jealous God is he.




If we were really happy in life there would be no reason to seek GOD. GOD offers so much more than the world can ever give. When you grow in GOD you shall have the LOVE you so desire. A lasting LOVE. A LOVE that will continue to grow.




But in order that we find this we must GIVE IT ALL TO GOD!




GOD demands that you give HIM your WHOLE heart, mind, strength, and soul. That means you go in prayer and tell GOD that you will do this and from that moment on seek GOD in all your decisions. Then pick up GOD'S ROAD MAP to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD ( BIBLE ) and start reading the NEW TESTIMENT till the next time you read it you will already know what IT'S going to say. For then it's locked in your heart to draw from for the rest of your life. You will NEVER be sorry you did.




After this is complete GOD will know. For HE searches the heart. HE will then send HIS HOLY SPIRIT ( ANOINTED-BORN AGAIN- SAVED ). For it is then that you shall receive the MISSION GOD has for just you and supply all your needs, even what you have not the ability to have.





Think what it could also do for your husband and children.




Now you didn't state your age but I feel you should know that the change of life is coming or with you. This can be a real challenge in your life. Prepare for this and hold on tight to GOD'S WORD as HE will walk with you through it.



Having been ANOINTED by GOD with HIS HOLY SPIRIT I only wish I could show you exactly what IT is like. Start walking with all your might up that path to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD. For if you do the sky is going to get very blue and the sun I going to shine!!!



Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and Start right now!!!


LOVE


steven

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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