What do I do?

[throwingbones]

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[Mini]

I will pray for your ex. That she finds some peace of mind. I will also pray for you to continue to have the strength to be there for her.

I hate to say this but you are right, child abuse can lead to a great deal of mistrust throughtout a lifetime. Has your ex-girlfriend ever sought counselling? She needs to recover her self respect and self worth, for her sake. Please try to persuade her to seek some help. Let her know, let her understand, that her wellfare is more important to you than her commitment or anything else. That if she ever wants or needs you, you will be there, as a friend, or anything else she wants.

Best Wishes,
God Bless,

Mini

 

[shadowofthepast79]

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[throwingbones]

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[rogsr]

Sometimes doing the loving thing will earn us the whip. If I were in your shoes I would write her a letter, not an email but a personal letter. Pour your heart out all the way until it is empty. She will read it at least once because the temptation will be too great not to read it. Then if you get hurt you will know that you did everything in your power to save her heart. Good luck...

 

[throwingbones]

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[Macca]

My ex-girlfriend was sexually abused when she was a teenager and exhibits a lot of the effects as an adult. She feels trapped in a close relationship and is afraid of commitment. She also feels unworthy of a loving relationship. She has told me that she trusts me but that I am too good for her. Soon after we started dating, she started to sabotage the relationship. She still is doing everything she can to push me away, even 4 months after breaking up with me. She told me that she will never date me again, she told me she was dating someone when she wasn't, and she told me that she never really liked me that much. I know she's lying to keep me away. I love her so much and don't know what I am supposed to do. I pray for her everyday and seek God's counsel daily. I feel that He wants me to love her and be there for her, but everytime I try to talk to her, she steps further away from me. We hardly talk at all anymore. She use to tell me that she loved me and missed me. Now her emails are pretty much void of emotion at all. I believe that she cares about me more than she wants to and is doing everything she can to fight it. I believe that she fears getting close enought to get hurt, she's even expressed that feeling to me right before we started dating. How can I show her I love her? How can I get past her fears? How can I keep going when she's fighting it so hard? Please pray for her.

Trrowingbones,
I hope it's not too late to help. Try showing her Isa. 53: 5b.
The iniquity is what happened to her. Most people understand that the one who did the iniquity has had it forgiven, but few understand that this "being crushed for our iniquity' also covers (sepecially) the one who had the iniquity done to them. Understanding this can bring a great release.
Macca.

 

[bliz]

Listen to rogsr - it's great advice.

This young woman is not in shape to love anyone or be in a relationship with anyone, including you. And it is not about you - it is about the damage that was done to her from which she has not healed. You are someone who cares about her and wants the best for her, I trust, and so you have every right to encourage her to seek the help she needs. Pray that her heart will be open to such encouragement.

 

[Shannonkish]

I would suggest being honest with her. Let her know how you feel about her. The thing for you to understand is that this kind of thing will take a long time for her to get over.. the best thing you can do is show her love. If she pushes you away, respect her decision, don't force her because that is what she fears, but continue to show her love.

Love, in her mind, is probably just a word that was used to abuse her... so, SHOW her you love her... send her flowers, etc.

At the same time, respect the fact that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Respect and understand that pushing you away has NOTHING to do with you, but with her past. She is still afraid. I am guessing that the person that assulted her was someone that was close to her. Because of that she is afraid to get to close because she doesn't want to relive that experience, even though you won't recreate it for her.

Don't talk about the issue unless she wants to. Bringing it up might cause some unexpected difficulties... at the same time, introduce her to a counselor... and in a non-chalant way.

Give it time, but don't give up. Let her continue to push you away, and continue to show her love. She needs love the most right now. Show her how much her Daddy loves her... Help her realize who she is in Christ. Help her understand that she is dearly loved by God and that he will NEVER hurt her.

 

[Shannonkish]

oh, another thing... DON'T Give up... if you don, it will only cause her to regress. I am no suggesting that you have to marry the girl, but do continually love her, even if it is just as a friend.

 

[desi]

Sexually abused people tend to have problems with relationships.

 

[throwingbones]

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[rogsr]

That's how these things go sometimes, and as long as you gave it your best shot then you shouldn't worry. People must learn these things on their own. No matter how much we try and help if it is not their time then it is not their time.

Peace-

 

[TheMainException]

Maybe it would be best to just love her from a distance...if she comes running to you, be there for her...but if you do get the chance to talk to her, maybe you could suggest that a little counseling to get any problems off of her chest would be a good thing...You can't get past her fears, only she and God can...she knows that you love her, and that scares her. I'll be praying for both of you...god bless dear brother.

 

[TheMainException]

Sexually abused people tend to have problems with relationships.

Yes, that's so true...almost all of them that have and haven't sought help deal with these fears and struggles daily.