what do I do?

[joeman1]

Here is the situation. I had attempted to start a relationship with this beautiful young christian woman about 4 years ago now. Anyway i had become deeply involved and attached to her and she only viewed me as a good friend. Anyway I had tried several times to get hooked up with this person but to no avail. Time has came and went and we barely talk anymore but in the past year I have been haveing this feeling from the Lord that I need to contact her and tell her that I forgive her for what happened and aplologize for some of the things that I had been feeling after we (actually she) decided not to pursue things any further. Anyway I sent that really not expecting a reply I had told her how that I felt hurt and I had bitterness and anger in my heart toward her. Well about 15 mins ago she replies back to me and she keeps telling me she doesn't understand how that she hurt me. she told me that she has always been honest with me and that she doesn't feel that she hasn't done anything wrong. She said that if she did hurt me that she never intentionally ment to do so. I just don't know what to tell her now. I mean she is wanting me to tell her directly why she hurt me and I am afraid that if I tell her this stuff that I have been feeling over the past 4 years that old feelings will come back or she will just think that I was too emotional over the entire thing. I think that she had led me on makeing me think that I would have a chance to date her if I just waited well so far she has been through 3 different b/f's and I have attempted other relationships which have bombed as well. I really don't know what I should do now should I tell her the truth and let her think I am a wimp or do I just leave well enough alone and let things die down completly?

 

[vibrant]

i don't think she'll understand, or that she'll welcome an outpouring of emotions when she's obviously oblivious to you and your needs. i know everytime i talk with my ex it brings up feelings, so i understand how talking with her about this can do that.

you sent the info that you felt was laid on your heart to send. if you want to discuss it some more, i'd suggest you find a close friend to whom you can pour out your heart. after you might find yourself better able to talk with her if you still feel so inclined.

 

[joeman1]

Well just to update everyone I went and sent a reply to her to let her know exactly why I felt the way I did. Please remember me in prayer because I don't rightly know if I done the right thing or not.

 

[boilerblues]

Based on the information you gave I'd say that it sounds like you led yourself on and she doesn't really have anything to be forgiven of in that area. If you pursued a relationship with her and she turned you down then anything you do to pursue her after that is on your own head, you were given your answer (more than once). I've been through similar situations before, I hung out with a friend and became interested. I approached the subject and she wasn't interested. We continued to be close and I went down that path again, she still wasn't interested. Everything past the first time she said no is on my own head, it's my job to guard my heart. You are in the same position.

Sorry if this is rather blunt, but when we get our feelings hurt we try to blame it on the other person, but honestly it's usually our own fault. Another person can not be held responsible for not meeting our own selfish expectations.

 

[gunblayde]

Well just to update everyone I went and sent a reply to her to let her know exactly why I felt the way I did. Please remember me in prayer because I don't rightly know if I done the right thing or not.

I think you did the right thing. You can't help how you feel, if getting it out makes you feel better than go for it. If you are such close friends she should understand.

 

[joeman1]

Yeah I sent a reply back saying that things may have been made up by me but she did keep sending me signals.

 

[gunblayde]

Well, you just need to forgive her and go on with your life. There are alot of great christian woman out there, you should never be considered as second best.

 

[joeman1]

Well that was the whole point of me telling her what I did so that I could move forward with my life and not be hindered with my past any longer but I think she took it as me attacking her

 

[fieldy]

i obviously dont know your situation but it doesnt seem to that she needs to be forgiven cause it doesnt seem like she did anything wrong.

 

[JPPT1974]

Well just to update everyone I went and sent a reply to her to let her know exactly why I felt the way I did. Please remember me in prayer because I don't rightly know if I done the right thing or not.

Praying that it was the Lord's will for you to do the right thing!!