What Do I Do? I dont Want him Around her.

[happily_saved]

Hi,

I'm hoping I could get some good advice.

I'm dating this guy named Josh who is 16. We love eachother very much and have been together for 7 months.

We are both strong Christians. There is something thats been taking place and I want to give him proper advice on it. In his 1st period class at school there is this girl named Jess. She hangs out with alot of guys and she has alot of problems. Shes is Extremely Lost. Before she said she was bisexual and stuff trying to get attention but we just let is slip. Today in the hall she stood there making out with a girl to get attention from everyone. Josh has her on his msn list as well as they talk in class. He wants to help her and tell her about God. But right now I dont think that is such a great idea. I have lost respect for her. And I dont want him being close friends with someone like that but I dont want to control his decisions. The thing is, he has SO MUCH going on in his life and family right now, SO MANY problems he needs to deal with that I dont think he should be occupying himself with other peoples problems. I feel he should pray for her on his own time but not spend to much time right now witnessing to her unless God really calls him to. I dont know what to do here, what do I say to him to make him understand?

Anyone know some good scripture to back this up when i talk to him?

Danielle

 

[Techbot]

I hope its ok to respond to this...

I can understand his desire to help someone else. He does need to step back though and look at his reasons. I'm not saying these are HIS reasons, but I can see your everyday guy having a certain curiosity attraction to a girl who is so open about sexuality. I've been in his shoes. When I was 19 and freshly saved I wanted to help save the world. There was a girl at work, Gwen, who was 18 and lost. She "knew" about God but had no desire to follow Him. I found myself trying to witness to her. I found myself taking lunch breaks with her at work so we could talk. I found myself caring for her safety and her condition. I thought I was doing the right thing until one day I realized I was attracted to her.
I stopped it right then and there. It's sometimes dangerous for a guy to try to witness to and help out a female because of thoughts and feelings like that. It's too easy to go from trying to help someone to having feelings for them. From then out your witnesss doesn't have the effect it should.

My advice (for what its worth) would be for him to be a casual friend - "Hey, how are you?" etc, but thats IT. Pray for her. But this girl seems like she's out to get the attention (physical attention too) from wherever she can.

 

[humblegyrl]

I can see where you're coming from, but I can also see why he feels that he can help, and why he desires to do what he can and when he can. This is my honest point of view. A married friend of mine was going through some problems with his wife, but many were discouraging my interaction with him because of the attraction issue. We were friends for many years, and we were like brother and sister. There was no room for that attraction to develop.

Now, I can't say that I was of help to him because he eventually committed suicide. I apologize because it is not in my intentions to discourage you.

Obviously, you are not going to be able to control your boyfriend or convince him to do otherwise. If you are so concerned about him having his own problems, then perhaps you can step in and try to help her as well. The #1 thing that I recommend is prayer. That is the most powerful tool available to us as Christians.

I am sure he is acting out of a sense of duty. When we focus on others, the focus is not on ourselves and that is not necessarily a bad thing! How do you know that God has not called him to witness to her now? God always brings opportunities for people to witness. Perhaps this is the one. She is in need of realizing the truth and you two can help!

 

[Trench777]

I'd like to chime in here a bit bit if I may...

First thing I'd like to point out is, you say "He has many problems of his own he needs to be dealing with" and that you dont think he should be occupying himself with other peoples problems right now. I'd have to vehemently disagree on that point. I think the VERY best thing a person can do when they are buffeted with problems in thier life is to help someone else with thier problems. I know this seems contradictory, but thats the way G-d works sometimes (condradictory to our reasoning/logic). G-d is extraordinarily faithful when it comes to helping His children who are helping others. I have found on more than one occasion, when I am ministering The Word to a hurting person, the answer I was praying for comes out!

That being said, I do think you are right to be...hmm...cautious and maybe suspisious of him helping this particular girl. It is a simple fact, that a righteous young man desires few things in life more than being the "knight in shining armor" for the "damsel in distress". It sounds as though the girl in question is setting herself up to be the epitomy of the damsel in distress, and Josh will get to "rescue her" from her wicked ways. Pointing this out to him (that he may be getting manipulated by her) may, or may not disuade him from getting closer to her. I can tell you, the urge to "rescue" is a STRONG one among men...it fulfills a need inside us that is undeniable and primal.

I think the best (and maybe only) thing you can do, is let him know he may be getting manipulated by this girl.

Another thought that comes to me, is getting both of you (together) involved in helping people. I'm not sure where you live, but I'm willing to bet that there are homeless people where you live and probably people who help to feed/clothe/house them. Involving yourselves in volunteer work with them could A: Help him fulfill his need to "help" and B: cause the 2 of you to become closer and spend even more time together. Just a thought...and other forms of helping people in need would work towards the same goal (not to mention pleasing G-d by helping the hurting )

God bless you!

T777

 

[Rage4Christ]

happily-

Reality check-- He's a 16 year old boy. Of course he's going to find an excuse to get involved with this girl. I wouldn't be blinded by his "noble" motives. Hes' a young man growing up, and has to learn about relationships and women.

He's got some lessons to learn, and you can't learn it or explain them to him.

All you can do is enforce your own boundaries.

If you prefer not to associate with this girl, and if you do not prefer to associate with people who associate with this girl-- that is your choice. He can accept or reject you-- but don't make it a judgement on his character. He has his own path toward Christ, and I'm betting its a bit different than yours.

I would have to disagree with Trench. You can't avoid your own spiritual responsiblities by getting involved in other people. This is a avoidance tactic.

 

[happily_saved]

yeh, well im thinking of talking to him tomorrow and telling him exactly how i feel. and wut trench said, we r already involved in full time ministry. my family runs a church that reaches out to the homeless, we r constantly helpin them n givin them food n spreadin the word.

through this i dont want him thinking i dont trust him

 

[Trench777]

I would have to disagree with Trench. You can't avoid your own spiritual responsiblities by getting involved in other people. This is a avoidance tactic.

It's an "avoidance" tactic in the eyes of the world. Its a biblical tactic, in the light of The Word.

T777

 

[happily_saved]

Hey, well thank you all for your advice. I talked with him today n things went well. just gotta pray they keep goin well./