What constitutes abuse?

[lucybee]

What I mean is when do you call it physical abuse?

As a child I was treated badly by my mom. I know she loves me, I just also know that she has emotional problems and would be better off if she would agree to counseling. My childhood wasnt all that bad, there were a lot of really good times too.

Starting at the ago of 7 or so I was the one my mom would rag on. Since I was the oldest I was the one she turned to to yell at. I was made to cook and clean the house. My mom was and still isnt a house cleaner. I would have to wash dishes that had been left for months, laundry also left for months. I would have to come home after school and clean until my dad got home from work, so that he would think she had cleaned the house.

I remember a time that I folded a bath towel wrong, by this time I was older about 10 I think. My mom got mad about it and hit me across the face with her cast. There was a time that she thought a fork was missing and got mad and threw every dish out of the cabinets and made me rewash everything. Another time, I folded a shirt wrong and was grounded from a camping trip that we had planned.

There is also a time on one of my birthdays that she got real mad at me for something, I dont remember what, I do know that I inherited her temper and we were always going at it, so it might have been my fault. She got mad and put her hands around my neck. I dont really remember this all that clear, and I am glad that I dont. Once about 2 years ago she got mad at my sister and pulled over on the side of the highway and tried to kick her out of the car, when I said she couldnt get out of the car, my mom turned and slapped me and tried to kick me out too... I had the marks for a few hours. She has never hit my sisters and for thisI am glad that I was the only one and that I was there so she would never hit them, only me.

My problem is that she denies all of this, and when she does it makes me think that maybe I am making it worse that it was.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Lucy - this is not only physical abuse, it's emotional too. leaving you to do all the housework is grossly unfair - my mum did this to me too, she's getting help now but it doesn't bring back the years I've lost. Even if an argument is your fault you do not deserve to be strangled or struck in any way - she's definitely abusing you. {{{hugs}}} I'll pray for you and your mom. Please try also to pray for her, pray that she will see what she is doing and will get some couselling.

 

[Annoula]

Dear lucybee,

have a look at this

i don't know how it can help..but my understanding of abuse is anything that can harm a person, either be it psychologically or physical.
physical abuse can cause psychological problems of course.

being hit by a parent for the reasons u gave certainly reminds me of physical abuse...but we don't have the whole context of the family so i cannot elaborate any more.

i wish u all the best!

 

[Tangnefedd]

Blow prayer, this is serious, your mother was obviously a very abusive woman and you should have her prosecuted for what she did to you. It sounds as if she is dangerous and I think you should inform the authorities before she does you some serious harm. In the UK she would have had her children removed to a place of safety!

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Tangnefedd - are you kidding me? Alot of people in the UK are dangerous and they have children and not one thing is done about it. Various times in the UK there are have been small children killed by their parents even though they were on the danger list!!!

Lucy - yes going to the police is a good thing, but again keep praying!!

 

[countrymouse33ad]

lucybee, it's typical for abusers to deny what they've done, or pass it off as not so bad. It's also typical that there are good times as well as bad. It's not okay for a mother to treat any of her children the way your mom treated you.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Of course folk in the UK have killed their kids, but if abuse is reported it is generally dealt with, not always I agree. As for prayer, most of the time the deity seems to have his hearing aid switched off when folk are appealing for his/her aid!

 

[thepianist]

Oh dear, everything you said constitutes abuse! You did nothing to "bring it on" - and my heart goes out to you. Please know that you are in my prayers, and we know that God will see you through this. My relationship with my mother was always a good one, same goes for my daddy - I was truly blessed with a good, Christian household. The older I get, the more I grow to appreciate that. If there is anyone you can talk to about this, and I don't mean your mother - we all know that won't work, then please do so.

I pray God will give you His peace and comfort as you deal with this situation.

 

[Truly Blessed]

Of course folk in the UK have killed their kids, but if abuse is reported it is generally dealt with, not always I agree. As for prayer, most of the time the deity seems to have his hearing aid switched off when folk are appealing for his/her aid!

Boy, I would like to know what version of the Bible you are reading. I think my version implies the deity doesn't need a hearing aid but maybe you have a liberal Bible which mine is not.

 

[Truly Blessed]

Oh dear, everything you said constitutes abuse! You did nothing to "bring it on" - and my heart goes out to you. Please know that you are in my prayers, and we know that God will see you through this. My relationship with my mother was always a good one, same goes for my daddy - I was truly blessed with a good, Christian household. The older I get, the more I grow to appreciate that. If there is anyone you can talk to about this, and I don't mean your mother - we all know that won't work, then please do so.

I pray God will give you His peace and comfort as you deal with this situation.

 

[cameocat]

I agree it is both physical and psychological abuse. Stand your ground, and when your mom denies it was that bad, tell her it was! Mine did very much the same thing without the physical part, but she made me do all of the housework everyday, and even heavy stuff like vacuuming. As a result I did poorly in school, even though I was able to maintain my grades without such slavery. She would yell at me almost constantly. My mother denies all of this to this day, and continues to blame me for everything. I wish someone would have removed me from that household, but it just didn't happen.

 

[RJHarmony84]

Yes, you were abused, both emotionally and physically. you say you know she loves you...but that is not love! Hey, she may not know what love is, maybe she thinks that's loving. That's no excuse for her treating you that way, and you said she threatened your sister too--I'm not trying to be at all cruel, but I wonder if she did more than you think to them, and you just want to think that she refrained from abusing them because she had you. That she blew up at your sister, and then switched to you, tells me she didn't make any distiction about who got hurt when she was mad, and would have 'punished' your sister in a second if you hadn't stepped in.
In any case, you set them a bad example--simply taking the abuse could teach them 2 very bad things--1, that she was right to abuse you, and 2, that abuse is loving or OK. They saw that you were strong enough to stick around even when you're getting choked, but not that you were strong enough to make her get the help she needed.
Sorry sorry! I really don't mean to hurt you, but this just seems so awfully obvious to me. My mother had a horrible temper too, and was not physically abusive for the most part, but she was (and still is occasionally) emotionally abusive, and this really hurts me, to see you defending your mom after all she did. I've learned to deal with my mom, and have even helped her a little--I know you can too, if you stop denying it was wrong.
I'm really not cruel! God Bless.

 

[marli]

Yes, it is abuse. The one thing that stuck out in my mind was the way you described how your mother would become angry and violent over very trivial matters -- that's one of the biggest red flags or abuse.