What caused your ED?

[Jama]

I have always had a low self-esteem. After my boobs popped out, I couldn't stand myself. I had always thought they were too big. I felt like that's all guys would see. I lost some weight in them, and I feel better about myself, but I still deal with an ED everyday. My grandma also played a role. I got tired of being compared to my bony cousin.

 

[BrokenForHim]

abuse(sexual & physical)starting at age 3 && low self esteem && needing control && many other things....I stopped eating and then started 'un-eating'(as my youth pastors wife would put it) after that...its been like this off and on for almost 6 years now.

 

[startingxthexjourney]

mine started last year when i saw if i lost weight i would gain attention. i am overweight, medically, but still. i NEED to lose weight. its been off and on, and now i have used it to lose a lot of weight this year. i auditioned for a show a month ago and was not cast, and told my body type didn't fit the show...i have lost probably a nice percentage of my body weight in the past 3 months, and i still can't stand to get on the scale because i know it's not good enough. my friends don't notice...nor do my parents. no one seems to care, and that makes it worse. because i will continue until i reach what is a good place for me. i don't want to be fat, and i love the control this gives me. -shrug-

 

[BigToe]

If not eating is more tied to depression and not a constant struggle, it can also be a result from neglecting yourself and needs enough that you fail to recognize your body's signs that you need something. I do that when I'm having a bad day. The sense of hunger doesn't register to me because I'm worrying about other things that somehow got twisted to being more important. I'm trying to get better and realizing that physically taking care of myself can help fight depression.

That and I skipped eating enough that my metabolism was killed and I started gaining weight. Not really a way to help get rid of depression, at least not for me. I've had to establish a fairly strict schedule about when I eat so that even if I don't feel hungry, I'm not forgetting to take care of myself. It's also helped my energy come back.

Please know you aren't alone and we're here to talk to if you want or need it.

 

[MyaShane]

Mine started when I was 16. I thought I was chubby and wanted to lose some weight. I didn’t really know how to do it right so I went the route of really depriving myself and overdoing the exercise. Once I started, I didn’t know how do stop nor did I want to. I was set on looking perfect at any cost and was never satisfied with how I looked throughout it all regardless of how much weight I was losing. I was trying to get to a place that was impossible to reach only I didn’t know it. It took a while, but God brought me slowly out of it and although I still struggle with it, I’m able through His help and grace to manage it.


**I told you all it was my slow day at work!!**

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*huge Hugs*

 

[Lissagirl]

I think my eating issues began because I was constantly being told that I was fat. I began to hate myself and developed a very poor self image that I still have. I was not looking for a lifetime of hell, it just happened.

 

[BigToe]

*snuggles* for you all

 

[Journey_On]

My ED started out as a "diet" because of what someone said to me regarding my weight. It quickly spiralled down into what an ED really seems to be - all about control. I'm a control freak - just realised this lately and am trying to give it up - but controlling what and when I ate was one way that I felt I could control my own life. Of course, we don't really have control over much of what happens in our lives, only how we respond to the things that do happen, but then I wasn't really thinking like that. Food became the enemy. And it just went on from there, til I started treatment this summer. Since then things have been so much better.

I almost thought I was reading my own story at first. My ED started out as a "diet" as well, due to a couple people who commented on my slight weight gain when I was 14. I enjoyed the feeling, enjoyed the comments that people gave and mine too spiraled into an ED. I never really got the proper treatment I should have. I went into therapy, but it wasn't specifically for the ED. I later had repressed memories surface of past sexual abuse. Suddenly pieces started to come together, and God has helped me tremendously through a lot of healing. I am not fully recovered - physically, I am doing very well, but the mentality of the ED still lingers at times.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

im glad you are doing well

 

[colormebeautiful]

My eating disorder began as a way to nurture myself when I couldn't get it any other way. My stepdad sexually abused me when I was 7-13; my mom was depressed and was emotionally absent from my life. I started binging because eating was a way to feel good and comforted, to kill the loneliness inside. Soon it was a drug, a high I needed to function. I couldn't live without it.

Because of this, I've always been overweight since roughly that age of 7; around 14, I started "dieting" by trying to restrict my calorie intake to starvation levels. As a result of the deprivation, my binging got even worse. Last August, an investigation involving my stepdad started. The emotions were too intense to deal with, so instead of just stuffing/numbing with binging, I started purging (vomiting) too. This continued until I was hospitalized last month.

 

[shezshy]

Is the main reason for people having an ED because they think they're overweight?

I suffer with depression and I've started skipping meals because I needed to control something in my life. Now I don't even want to eat because I don't enjoy food. Could this turn into an ED? I'm concerned its starting to go too far. I'm not concerned with my weight, that doesn't play any part in my skipping meals.

I wish I could pinpoint but going back maybe due to a ballet teacher I had at 5

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*huge Hugs*

 

[Roofus]

My eating disorder started in #### where all i would eat is bread and biscuits. Then in the summer #### i cut back and went down to # small biscuits again, i think the cause was my brother had bag drug habits and there was so much arguing i had no control over anything and i think i then began to focus on food, i also did it as apart of a punishment to myself.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Mine started as a 'diet' too when someone said something about my weight(which I wasnt big...never have been, they said it because at the time I gained like five pounds on my frame then and im five four...so it made it look like alot ) I can look at myself in the mirror and say 'im thin'.....but yet when it comes to food I cannt eat it...it depresses me to eat. I fear getting big....fear it to death! I just get sick thinking about eating alot of food, but then sometimes ILL eat everything!!!! I dont understand it at times, but yet it helps me feel controlled. At times I think I am better, and others Im not better. It creeps up on me at various times.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*huge Hugs*

 

[the_box_of_giggles]

I feel the need to bring * snuggles* to this thread.

 

[Nobility]

Hullo everybody!
It's awesome that you guys are sharing your stories.

I no longer have an ED but I did a few years ago... It was about control, I wasn't happy and had problems at school and with friends, so I used the eating disorder so I could be in control of something... I guess I recovered through a couple of friends who didn't give up, and my mum who found out and helped me

 

[MyaShane]

Hullo everybody!
It's awesome that you guys are sharing your stories.

I no longer have an ED but I did a few years ago... It was about control, I wasn't happy and had problems at school and with friends, so I used the eating disorder so I could be in control of something... I guess I recovered through a couple of friends who didn't give up, and my mum who found out and helped me

Thanks for sharing your story and good for you for being able to overcome! That's huge it really is! Hope to see you around more. You could be a help to those who are still struggling.

 

[NoQuestion]

I've never really liked myself. Not on the inside, not on the outside. My mom thinks I've always tried to hard to change myself. And because of the fact that I don't like myself, I do damage to my body where I either eat too little or I completely don't think about what I eat at all. I didn't like being sick, but I didn't want to get better because my sickness was something I could cling to. It's been a while since I've started gaining, but I constantly want to relapse. It's not always even because I don't like my body. Sometimes it's because I'm just afraid and it feels good to have that control. No one can tell me what to eat, so I don't eat at all. Or I eat very little. Or I eat weird things, or way too much. It's all craziness, and although I am healthy right now, I don't want to move forward. I don't want to grow, I don't want anything to change...